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Default Jan 06, 2019 at 06:30 AM
  #961
yesterday I struggled a lot with abandonment issues (it was due to that girl leaving recently). they were really bad and I ended up sitting their talking to myself about my funeral (which may or may not happen, I'm seriously thinking about not having one). I really don't think anyone would even turn up.

no sleep yesterday again- not even any traces of rest or tiredness

today I'd be quite happy to do "**** all". sit on a chair, look at the wall and think about my existance and what a mess it is

probably not going to get me anywhere though.. need to at least try to be productive.
 
 
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Default Jan 06, 2019 at 11:37 AM
  #962
It's early morning right now and so far it's starting off as upsetting. My friend called unexpectedly just after breakfast. He was telling me that he read an article about loneliness and how unhealthy it is. Well I've seen those kind of articles a hundred times at least! It's nice to be reminded on how loneliness can kill you. And then he went on about how difficult it is for me to have relationships. Well, there's plenty of time for the rest of the day. I hope it gets better.
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Default Jan 07, 2019 at 04:12 AM
  #963
I think I should listen to myself in the end. Advice can be good but doesn't mean it's right for me. I've got some confusing difficult situation going on but I'm glad I made this decision and I'm not all alone. I'd likely be dead if I was.
 
 
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Default Jan 07, 2019 at 11:14 AM
  #964
Feeling down today.
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Default Jan 07, 2019 at 10:29 PM
  #965
I can’t really tell if I’m depressed or not. I am functioning just fine. Things have been going slow at work. I’m not working as much since the holidays are over. I’m fine with working less. The days I do work It goes good. It’s just, when I’m off work I’m spending an awful amount of time just sitting in front of the TV. I binge watch crappy cable reality TV shows for hours. I’m not sure it’s healthy. But then I also feel like as long as I’m making it to work everytime I am supposed then my free time is my free time. I don’t know. I’m really tired right now. I’ve been up for almost 18 hours.

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Default Jan 08, 2019 at 05:25 PM
  #966
I slept at least 7 hours. Had to take a bit more of my antidepressant but I was glad to have slept. In the process of finding a place to live for myself and for my son to be on his own. I'm stressed because of our situation and how he is blaming me for it. I know I'm doing what I can but that isn't helping me feel better.
 
 
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Default Jan 08, 2019 at 08:17 PM
  #967
Was a slow day at work today. Not much of a feel good day. My leg is hurting. It's been hurting a little bit for the last three weeks or so, but today it's hurting more. And I got my result from a blood test that I had last week and it didn't turn out the way I wanted it.

It seems like people are in bad moods today. Kind of hard to deal with when having depression; and especially when they are that way when I'm reaching out.
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Default Jan 09, 2019 at 04:21 AM
  #968
Can't seem to shake the feeling of impending doom, like imminent job loss, a health catastrophe, and even natural disasters (we're overdue for the Big One quake here). But chances are it will be something I never anticipated, as typically in the past...
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Default Jan 09, 2019 at 05:10 AM
  #969
certainly not a feel good week, but not a bad week either.

just inbetween. could feel a lot better but also a lot worse
 
 
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Default Jan 09, 2019 at 05:11 AM
  #970
this week is going so fast.

I can't believe that we're all ready on wednesday
 
 
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Default Jan 09, 2019 at 08:18 PM
  #971
Another slow day at work. I got some nice help from someone to straighten out a problem that I had with my G-mail account. I've been able to get my G-mail at work but not at home. I got help from someone and the help was so easy, I could have done it myself.

For now I've decided not to workout today. My knee has been bothering me. It has been bothering me for the last two to three weeks. The last couple of days is at it's worst. Maybe it will get better in a couple of days if I give it a little rest. I feel so bad about not working out.
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Default Jan 10, 2019 at 12:01 PM
  #972
I’m depressed and anxious.
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Default Jan 10, 2019 at 05:30 PM
  #973
I’m grrrrrrrrr. And where has everyone gone. Hope all is well....

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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 03:22 AM
  #974
I have a medical appointment today. Appointments are hard for me. This one especially so. It's a new place. I don't want to go. I'm afraid they'll make me come back. It's for physical therapy. I just want to learn the exercises and do everything at home. I don't like leaving my house. My doctor doesn't seem to understand. She thinks it's no big deal.

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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 05:25 AM
  #975
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deilla View Post
I have a medical appointment today. Appointments are hard for me. This one especially so. It's a new place. I don't want to go. I'm afraid they'll make me come back. It's for physical therapy. I just want to learn the exercises and do everything at home. I don't like leaving my house. My doctor doesn't seem to understand. She thinks it's no big deal.


I'm sure you'll be fine.

let us know how it goes
 
 
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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 05:29 AM
  #976
I have to go shopping today for my food for next week. honestly, the way today's going (dark and depressing), I really cant be bothered- and I've all ready put it off (I was meant to go this morning)
 
 
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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 05:32 AM
  #977
litirally the only thing motivating me to go is that I'm out of soda

when it comes to soda shortage it's totally worth the hassle. can't stand having none in the house
 
 
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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 05:30 PM
  #978
I didn't go to my appointment. I didn't feel well. I slept all day. I was so tired. It's been a depressing day.

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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 07:08 PM
  #979
I don't even know how to describe what I'm feeling. Definitely not content. Need a new home for myself and my son. Nothing is affordable.
 
 
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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 08:27 PM
  #980
The morning started off pretty bad. Just as I got into my car to go to work, my downstairs neighbor told me that he would prefer for me to not workout anymore. He said that the walls and windows next to his bed rattles. That guy is in bed all day and night because he has a bad back. That got me in a bad attitude at work today. Those two downstairs get on my nerves, too, with their fighting and yelling that they do. They even do it at night.

Work was fairly busy today. I would have felt better being at work if it were not for what happened this morning. A woman tried to help me but I felt like she did a very poor job of it. I try not bring my problems from home to work.

I felt like I couldn't workout today anyways because I've been having leg pain around the knee area. I have been working out with the pain and it's not easy to deal with. Another thing that's heavy on me is my desire to move out of my place. I know I have been complaining about it for a good while, but it seems like things are getting worse instead of better. It seems like a clear sign that I should leave where I live very soon. It's heartbreaking. It feels like a divorce.
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