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Member Since Feb 2016
Location: Doing donuts in the parking lot
Posts: 4,270
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#1
Why do I need to talk about a thing? How will it help me to talk about things I can't bear to believe myself?
Possible trigger:
"I try desperately to run through the sand, as I hold the water in the palm of my hand. 'Cause it's all that I have and it's all that I need, and the waves of the water mean nothing to me. So I try my best with all that I can, to hold tightly onto what's left in my hand. But no matter how, how tightly I will strain, the sand will slow me down and the water will drain." I feel like these threads I've started are irrelevant. Just like all of the "help" I've tried seeking out over these past years. I talk like I've lived a full life and am reaching close to retirement (at the very least). Truth is, I'm in my early twenties and I'm talking like this. Twenty-two and too old, too rundown, too far gone. I promised to stay alive until today. Now my promise has run out. But what's the point in taking it all away? All of that pain is there for a reason, right? There has to be a reason to put someone through these things. There has to be a reason behind forcing someone to question their own sanity as much as I do. There has to be some kind of reason. Or maybe there's not and I'm a fool for thinking otherwise. When I see myself as an older person (when I dare to think about that awful subject), all I see is pain and regret. Old and dying alone anyway, so why didn't I take myself out before I got to that point? I see someone in agony, still living, not for themselves, but for the people this old soul has promised. Promised they wouldn't have to die after me. That I'd take that pain.... I don't think I can take that pain. __________________ "Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
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Anonymous40127, Fuzzybear, MickeyCheeky, mote.of.soul, qwerty68, Rohag, Sunflower123, whisperingskye
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
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#2
((((( So leigheas )))))
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MickeyCheeky, MtnTime2896, Sunflower123
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MickeyCheeky, MtnTime2896
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 26,543
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#3
I’m sorry you are having a tough time. You deserve some happiness and joy. Keep reaching out to us here. Please be kind to yourself and hang in there until things start looking up.
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MickeyCheeky, MtnTime2896
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MickeyCheeky, MtnTime2896
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
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#4
(((So Leigheas)))
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MickeyCheeky, MtnTime2896, Sunflower123
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MickeyCheeky, MtnTime2896
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: nowhere
Posts: 561
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#5
__________________ MDD with Psychotic Features, Dysthymia, GAD, Cluster C personality traits - Not taking any meds
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MickeyCheeky, MtnTime2896, Sunflower123
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MickeyCheeky, MtnTime2896
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Legendary
Member Since Feb 2009
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#6
__________________ My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it. |
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Fuzzybear, MtnTime2896, Sunflower123
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Fuzzybear, MtnTime2896
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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#7
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MickeyCheeky, MtnTime2896, Sunflower123
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MickeyCheeky, MtnTime2896
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
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#8
((((Sò leigheas)))) I'm sorry you're struggling so badly, friend. Just remember that you help many people here, daily. You are valuable and you deserve to be loved and be happy. I wish your pain could just disappear.
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MtnTime2896, Sunflower123
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MtnTime2896
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2008
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#9
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MickeyCheeky, MtnTime2896, Sunflower123
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MickeyCheeky, MtnTime2896
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2017
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#10
I wish I had the right words to take the pain away, or at least lessen it. Know that I’m always here whenever you want/need to talk/vent
(((((So leigheas))))))) __________________ Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Failure. Failure - Breaking Benjamin |
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MtnTime2896, Sunflower123
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MtnTime2896
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#11
Your posts trigger my own loneliness and my mind screams, "Look, can you help her? You can't, because you're under my evil grasp too, of mental illness. Would your parents have made you like this if they weren't under my grasp? My power has no end, you can't stop me, fake doctor, I will make you obsessed with me and you'll die being nothing and calling yourself 'Dr.Almost Nothing' will be your daily routine till the very day your suffering ends. Then death will be in power, not me. Both are your and mankind's ultimate enemies, but both of you cannot stop us."
YouTube If you've time, check this music out. It's called "A little push" from Mr.Robot. The top comment says "You wanna know what I believe? That this isn't the end, that there's another world out there for both of us. That we'll see each other again. And we'll play, and dance, and bake, and sing. Doesn't that sound beautiful? Will you believe with me?" Death won't be the end So. We'll transcend into a world with no pain and sorrow. That's at least what I believe. Sorry if I am being dramatic, it's just what I think about it when I read ANY of your threads. |
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mote.of.soul, MtnTime2896, Sunflower123
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MtnTime2896
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Mad Walker
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,091
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#12
If it's one thing I know about you Só leigheas, it's that you have the power of endurance, a strength. And I believe you'll get through the storm as well.
Thanks for sharing (((Só leigheas))). Nothing is in vain. |
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MtnTime2896, Sunflower123
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MtnTime2896
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