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Old 11-07-2018, 08:51 AM #1
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Trig The Pain I Can't Take

Why do I need to talk about a thing? How will it help me to talk about things I can't bear to believe myself?

Possible trigger:


"I try desperately to run through the sand, as I hold the water in the palm of my hand. 'Cause it's all that I have and it's all that I need, and the waves of the water mean nothing to me. So I try my best with all that I can, to hold tightly onto what's left in my hand. But no matter how, how tightly I will strain, the sand will slow me down and the water will drain."

I feel like these threads I've started are irrelevant. Just like all of the "help" I've tried seeking out over these past years. I talk like I've lived a full life and am reaching close to retirement (at the very least). Truth is, I'm in my early twenties and I'm talking like this. Twenty-two and too old, too rundown, too far gone. I promised to stay alive until today. Now my promise has run out. But what's the point in taking it all away? All of that pain is there for a reason, right?

There has to be a reason to put someone through these things. There has to be a reason behind forcing someone to question their own sanity as much as I do. There has to be some kind of reason. Or maybe there's not and I'm a fool for thinking otherwise. When I see myself as an older person (when I dare to think about that awful subject), all I see is pain and regret. Old and dying alone anyway, so why didn't I take myself out before I got to that point? I see someone in agony, still living, not for themselves, but for the people this old soul has promised. Promised they wouldn't have to die after me. That I'd take that pain....

I don't think I can take that pain.
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Old 11-07-2018, 08:52 AM #2
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Default Re: The Pain I Can't Take

((((( So leigheas )))))
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Old 11-07-2018, 12:17 PM #3
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Default Re: The Pain I Can't Take

Im sorry you are having a tough time. You deserve some happiness and joy. Keep reaching out to us here. Please be kind to yourself and hang in there until things start looking up.
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Old 11-07-2018, 01:19 PM #4
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(((So Leigheas)))
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Old 11-08-2018, 12:10 AM #5
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Old 11-08-2018, 01:02 PM #6
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Default Re: The Pain I Can't Take

Quote:
Originally Posted by S leigheas View Post
I feel like these threads I've started are irrelevant. Just like all of the "help" I've tried seeking out over these past years.
Unlike the unhelpful help, your threads offer comfort and even insight to those who see something of themselves in them.
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Old 11-08-2018, 01:04 PM #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rohag View Post
Unlike the unhelpful help, your threads offer comfort and even insight to those who see something of themselves in them.
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Old 11-08-2018, 01:27 PM #8
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Default Re: The Pain I Can't Take

((((S leigheas)))) I'm sorry you're struggling so badly, friend. Just remember that you help many people here, daily. You are valuable and you deserve to be loved and be happy. I wish your pain could just disappear.
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Old 11-08-2018, 01:46 PM #9
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Old 11-08-2018, 05:20 PM #10
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Default Re: The Pain I Can't Take

I wish I had the right words to take the pain away, or at least lessen it. Know that Im always here whenever you want/need to talk/vent

(((((So leigheas)))))))
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