[LifelongLoner]

I continue to lose interest in my life. As I age, I find that I can no longer do the things that I like, for instance, taking long walks, playing tennis, eating what I want. And, I am getting less and less done at home. I just don't seem to care anymore. I don't know what to do about it.

I never married and live alone. I don't enjoy dating and don't want a partner. I don't like sex and have lost interest in the gay movement because of the mis-treatment I've encountered there I don't seem to fit in anywhere and no longer trust people - I've been backstabbed many times. I've never been successful socially; people have treated me badly for decades. Some of the abuse is from anti-gay prejudice; a lot is also from the pro-feminist movement. (I am an older while male but am not a Nazi and have never been one nor is my family of origin.) I am a survivor of CEN and emotional abuse. Therapy has not helped. In fact, I have been injured by the bad advice from therapists who seem to promote a fairytale world instead of how to deal with harsh reality.

I isolate all the time. I don't know what to do.

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I can relate to quite a bit of what you wrote. In my case I am married. So I'm not entirely alone. But we have no extended family & I'm pretty reclusive myself so no friends or even acquaintances really, by choice.

I'm 70 years old now. A few years ago my wife & I sold our single family home & bought a townhome. So I no longer have any yard work or home maintenance projects to keep up with. I do cook & clean. And I'm a home bread baker. But a lot of what I do, I do mostly to keep things up for my wife. If I were completely alone, I'm quite certain I wouldn't do much of any of it.

I've found that, as I have aged, I've lost quite a bit of confidence in my ability to do things, as well as the drive to do things. By-&-large I just don't really care anymore. One thing that does help me is that I have a routine I follow most days. With just a few occasional variations, I pretty-much do the same things day-in & day-out. So I don't have to even think about most of it. I just do it over-&-over again day after day.

You mentioned being gay. I'm not gay. But I've had a life-long struggle with my gender identity. (It's a very long story & I'll spare you the details.) But it is at least part of the reason I just keep to myself. I don't feel comfortable around other men. (I was seriously bullied both verbally & physically, by a gang of older boys throughout high school.) And I don't feel particularly comfortable around women either. So I just prefer to remain as alone as possible. I've also seen a few therapists for brief periods over the years. But it never amounted to anything. I don't see anyone anymore nor am I on psych med's... or any other med's either for that matter.

Anyway... that's me. I just thought I'd share a bit about myself because it sounds as though we have at least a few things in common. You wrote that you don't know what to do. And I don't know as I have any particularly creative ideas for you. Perhaps what you need to consider is just making yourself get out & do some things in the community, depending on your interests & abilities. Doing some volunteer work or joining a support group of some sort might be possible options. I do find, myself, that the more I isolate the more I want to isolate. There can be something of a snowball effect to it. Hopefully you're finding being here on PC to be helpful as well. I spend a lot of time here. Also, if you haven't already tried it, you might consider trying out a website such as The Haven or 7 Cups of Tea where one can interact with other members 1 : 1. Ultimately, it seems to me, you simply have to figure out something to do to make a change in your circumstances & then commit to doing it. That's the only way your situation is going to change. (I should talk!) My best wishes to you...

[MickeyCheeky]

((((LifelongLoner)))) I'm so sorry you're struggling. I can relate to some of the things you wrote. I wish I could help, or even just hug you for what you've been through... I'm so sorry. If it can help, we care.

[xmascarol]

Originally Posted by LifelongLoner

I continue to lose interest in my life. As I age, I find that I can no longer do the things that I like, for instance, taking long walks, playing tennis, eating what I want. And, I am getting less and less done at home. I just don't seem to care anymore. I don't know what to do about it.

I never married and live alone. I don't enjoy dating and don't want a partner. I don't like sex and have lost interest in the gay movement because of the mis-treatment I've encountered there I don't seem to fit in anywhere and no longer trust people - I've been backstabbed many times. I've never been successful socially; people have treated me badly for decades. Some of the abuse is from anti-gay prejudice; a lot is also from the pro-feminist movement. (I am an older while male but am not a Nazi and have never been one nor is my family of origin.) I am a survivor of CEN and emotional abuse. Therapy has not helped. In fact, I have been injured by the bad advice from therapists who seem to promote a fairytale world instead of how to deal with harsh reality.

I isolate all the time. I don't know what to do.

I am so sorry you are struggling right now.Some people can be very cruel believe me I know they should except you for who you are.

[Sunflower123]

I’m sorry you are having a tough time and that you’ve been mistreated. I don’t have any advice...I wanted to show my support.

[Mopey]

Originally Posted by LifelongLoner

I continue to lose interest in my life. As I age, I find that I can no longer do the things that I like, for instance, taking long walks, playing tennis, eating what I want. And, I am getting less and less done at home. I just don't seem to care anymore. I don't know what to do about it.

I never married and live alone. I don't enjoy dating and don't want a partner. I don't like sex and have lost interest in the gay movement because of the mis-treatment I've encountered there I don't seem to fit in anywhere and no longer trust people - I've been backstabbed many times. I've never been successful socially; people have treated me badly for decades. Some of the abuse is from anti-gay prejudice; a lot is also from the pro-feminist movement. (I am an older while male but am not a Nazi and have never been one nor is my family of origin.) I am a survivor of CEN and emotional abuse. Therapy has not helped. In fact, I have been injured by the bad advice from therapists who seem to promote a fairytale world instead of how to deal with harsh reality.

I isolate all the time. I don't know what to do.

Best wishes. I am a loner too. It isn't easy, just like being gay or black or whatever isn't easy. I found a lot of validation (at age 70) from the book Party of One, which finally let me accept what I was. It is possible you may find relief from accepting yourself as you are even if it is not OK with society, and pursuing the things that make you personally happy. It may take awhile for you to figure out what those are, since they may very well not involve other people.

God Bless....

[nels13245]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I can relate to quite a bit of what you wrote. In my case I am married. So I'm not entirely alone. But we have no extended family & I'm pretty reclusive myself so no friends or even acquaintances really, by choice.

I'm 70 years old now. A few years ago my wife & I sold our single family home & bought a townhome. So I no longer have any yard work or home maintenance projects to keep up with. I do cook & clean. And I'm a home bread baker. But a lot of what I do, I do mostly to keep things up for my wife. If I were completely alone, I'm quite certain I wouldn't do much of any of it.

I've found that, as I have aged, I've lost quite a bit of confidence in my ability to do things, as well as the drive to do things. By-&-large I just don't really care anymore. One thing that does help me is that I have a routine I follow most days. With just a few occasional variations, I pretty-much do the same things day-in & day-out. So I don't have to even think about most of it. I just do it over-&-over again day after day.

You mentioned being gay. I'm not gay. But I've had a life-long struggle with my gender identity. (It's a very long story & I'll spare you the details.) But it is at least part of the reason I just keep to myself. I don't feel comfortable around other men. (I was seriously bullied both verbally & physically, by a gang of older boys throughout high school.) And I don't feel particularly comfortable around women either. So I just prefer to remain as alone as possible. I've also seen a few therapists for brief periods over the years. But it never amounted to anything. I don't see anyone anymore nor am I on psych med's... or any other med's either for that matter.

Anyway... that's me. I just thought I'd share a bit about myself because it sounds as though we have at least a few things in common. You wrote that you don't know what to do. And I don't know as I have any particularly creative ideas for you. Perhaps what you need to consider is just making yourself get out & do some things in the community, depending on your interests & abilities. Doing some volunteer work or joining a support group of some sort might be possible options. I do find, myself, that the more I isolate the more I want to isolate. There can be something of a snowball effect to it. Hopefully you're finding being here on PC to be helpful as well. I spend a lot of time here. Also, if you haven't already tried it, you might consider trying out a website such as The Haven or 7 Cups of Tea where one can interact with other members 1 : 1. Ultimately, it seems to me, you simply have to figure out something to do to make a change in your circumstances & then commit to doing it. That's the only way your situation is going to change. (I should talk!) My best wishes to you...

All I can say is therapy! I can't stress this enough, therapy will open your head up to all the possibilities to making your life better... whether its personal therapy or seeing a doctor. You need to get out of your depressive cycle. It will be a tough one for you considering you have been in a not so good state for quiet a time? Showing what you have written to a good therapist/ psychologist in person could be a start. You need to get on the spiral upwards by breaking problems like your physical and thinking habits that could be causing you negative emotions like stress.

Things like magnesium tables or boca mocha supplements could help give you the push! They both promote feel good chemical production which could give you that much needed jolt to change your mental state and perception on life.

But the real way to combat it won't be easy which is learning about why you are the way you are and what you can do to slowly overcome your depressive cycle. Not assuming you have a massive problem of depressive but it seems that you need to overcome the depressive ways of thinking which can be tackled and reduce, which allows you to recover.

There's this book called undoing depression by Richard o'connor.
NO THERAPIST will help you more than this book. I'm being absolutely genuine when I say this, you don't even have to be depressed to benefit from this book, it can just help you become a better person in general. This Book should give you alot of knowledge to overcome your problems.

But it can be a slow process, im talking months, but you can't let that discourage you because it takes time, every single therapist/ physiologist will tell you it takes time!

you are essentially rewiring your brain to be healthier and happier, just like you learnt to hate your situation you are in, you can unlearn to hate it and accept and love it.

There are many many factors that come into play to make you feel the way you are feeling, so being confused in the midst of all of this is tragic , so gain knowledge reduce your confusion SO IT'S EASIER TO limit them problematic factors that are pulling you down so you can make your life less miserable than it has to be or so you don't add more depressive habits to your life.
( not saying your life is miserable, just putting in a way so you understand)

hoping that those basic but true couple of paragraphs might help you

First hand experience right here by the way,
I won't go into my story though haha.

Take care!

[nels13245]

That was meant to be directed as lifelongloner sorry

[ptangptang]

I also relate to a lot of what you say. Ageing suck's big time for all of us. All we can do is do what we CAN do and accept what we can't. You seem to be sliding more into depression. But you recognise it and can take steps to halt and reverse it. you don't need me to tell you what to do. Only you can do it. Healthy eating, exercise , positive thinking etc etc. Maybe therapy would help. Maybe CBT. Whatever. Good luck

[ptangptang]

Originally Posted by nels13245

All I can say is therapy! I can't stress this enough, therapy will open your head up to all the possibilities to making your life better... whether its personal therapy or seeing a doctor. You need to get out of your depressive cycle. It will be a tough one for you considering you have been in a not so good state for quiet a time? Showing what you have written to a good therapist/ psychologist in person could be a start. You need to get on the spiral upwards by breaking problems like your physical and thinking habits that could be causing you negative emotions like stress.

Things like magnesium tables or boca mocha supplements could help give you the push! They both promote feel good chemical production which could give you that much needed jolt to change your mental state and perception on life.

But the real way to combat it won't be easy which is learning about why you are the way you are and what you can do to slowly overcome your depressive cycle. Not assuming you have a massive problem of depressive but it seems that you need to overcome the depressive ways of thinking which can be tackled and reduce, which allows you to recover.

There's this book called undoing depression by Richard o'connor.
NO THERAPIST will help you more than this book. I'm being absolutely genuine when I say this, you don't even have to be depressed to benefit from this book, it can just help you become a better person in general. This Book should give you alot of knowledge to overcome your problems.

But it can be a slow process, im talking months, but you can't let that discourage you because it takes time, every single therapist/ physiologist will tell you it takes time!

you are essentially rewiring your brain to be healthier and happier, just like you learnt to hate your situation you are in, you can unlearn to hate it and accept and love it.

There are many many factors that come into play to make you feel the way you are feeling, so being confused in the midst of all of this is tragic , so gain knowledge reduce your confusion SO IT'S EASIER TO limit them problematic factors that are pulling you down so you can make your life less miserable than it has to be or so you don't add more depressive habits to your life.
( not saying your life is miserable, just putting in a way so you understand)

hoping that those basic but true couple of paragraphs might help you

First hand experience right here by the way,
I won't go into my story though haha.

Take care!

Thanks, I have reserved that book at the library. There are loads of books but it helps when someone gives a personal recommendation. As you know though , one of the insidious sides of depression is that you don't have motivation to read or do anything much at all. Arghh, i hate it. But needs must, i will read it.

[LifelongLoner]

Originally Posted by nels13245

All I can say is therapy! I can't stress this enough, therapy will open your head up to all the possibilities to making your life better... whether its personal therapy or seeing a doctor. You need to get out of your depressive cycle. It will be a tough one for you considering you have been in a not so good state for quiet a time? Showing what you have written to a good therapist/ psychologist in person could be a start. You need to get on the spiral upwards by breaking problems like your physical and thinking habits that could be causing you negative emotions like stress.

Things like magnesium tables or boca mocha supplements could help give you the push! They both promote feel good chemical production which could give you that much needed jolt to change your mental state and perception on life.

But the real way to combat it won't be easy which is learning about why you are the way you are and what you can do to slowly overcome your depressive cycle. Not assuming you have a massive problem of depressive but it seems that you need to overcome the depressive ways of thinking which can be tackled and reduce, which allows you to recover.

There's this book called undoing depression by Richard o'connor.
NO THERAPIST will help you more than this book. I'm being absolutely genuine when I say this, you don't even have to be depressed to benefit from this book, it can just help you become a better person in general. This Book should give you alot of knowledge to overcome your problems.

But it can be a slow process, im talking months, but you can't let that discourage you because it takes time, every single therapist/ physiologist will tell you it takes time!

you are essentially rewiring your brain to be healthier and happier, just like you learnt to hate your situation you are in, you can unlearn to hate it and accept and love it.

There are many many factors that come into play to make you feel the way you are feeling, so being confused in the midst of all of this is tragic , so gain knowledge reduce your confusion SO IT'S EASIER TO limit them problematic factors that are pulling you down so you can make your life less miserable than it has to be or so you don't add more depressive habits to your life.
( not saying your life is miserable, just putting in a way so you understand)

hoping that those basic but true couple of paragraphs might help you

First hand experience right here by the way,
I won't go into my story though haha.

Take care!

I did a search on Amazon.com for the recommended book. It's not listed. There are 3 books by Richard O'Connor, they are:

1. Happy At Last: The Thinking Person's Guide to Finding Joy
2. Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn't Teach You and Medication Can't Give You
3. Rewire: Change Your Brain to Break Bad Habits, Overcome Addictions and Conquer Self-Destructive Behavior

Going back to therapy is NOT going to happen. Therapists have had their chance. As a gay man, they suggest that I sleep around. That is NOT going to happen. I have lost too many friends to AIDS and am through getting STDs. I have never, ever liked sleeping around. It's terrible advice.

[nels13245]

Originally Posted by LifelongLoner

I did a search on Amazon.com for the recommended book. It's not listed. There are 3 books by Richard O'Connor, they are:

1. Happy At Last: The Thinking Person's Guide to Finding Joy
2. Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn't Teach You and Medication Can't Give You
3. Rewire: Change Your Brain to Break Bad Habits, Overcome Addictions and Conquer Self-Destructive Behavior

Going back to therapy is NOT going to happen. Therapists have had their chance. As a gay man, they suggest that I sleep around. That is NOT going to happen. I have lost too many friends to AIDS and am through getting STDs. I have never, ever liked sleeping around. It's terrible advice.

Wouldn't hurt to buy all of them hahahahah, could hurt your bank account though. But i'de recommend the undoing depression one! You should gain so much clarity, understanding, knowledge and so much more to fight depression. Absolutely blew my mind when I read it.

Originally Posted by LifelongLoner

I continue to lose interest in my life. As I age, I find that I can no longer do the things that I like, for instance, taking long walks, playing tennis, eating what I want. And, I am getting less and less done at home. I just don't seem to care anymore. I don't know what to do about it.

I never married and live alone. I don't enjoy dating and don't want a partner. I don't like sex and have lost interest in the gay movement because of the mis-treatment I've encountered there I don't seem to fit in anywhere and no longer trust people - I've been backstabbed many times. I've never been successful socially; people have treated me badly for decades. Some of the abuse is from anti-gay prejudice; a lot is also from the pro-feminist movement. (I am an older while male but am not a Nazi and have never been one nor is my family of origin.) I am a survivor of CEN and emotional abuse. Therapy has not helped. In fact, I have been injured by the bad advice from therapists who seem to promote a fairytale world instead of how to deal with harsh reality.

I isolate all the time. I don't know what to do.

I also don't want a partner

firstly, I'd not be an interesting person to date- I sit on a chair (for most of the day and night), just either posting here or staring at the wall

that, and to be honest I don't think anyone would want the responsibility of looking after a full grown woman with 3 mental illnesses and countless physical problems. people think I'm weird for not being interested in relationships, but that's just me. if i'm not interested, I'm not interested

as for life, well, I lost interest in mine a long time ago- I think in my case, it's because it's so predictable. I eat at a certain time, I dress at a certain time, I do nothing for most of the day, and I also have very limited interests.

it's like...

ooooo today I'm going to listen to this song I've listened to a thousand times all ready. go me

or.... yesterday I stuffed myself silly with cookies, hey, today I'm doing the same thing

my only real interest is

Possible trigger:

death, and that's not even looking it up or reading about it- it's doing it myself so I'm not here.

unhealthy I know and a big waste of a life

but then my problem about staying around is that their's nothing I want to try, nothing I want to experience, nothing I want to accomplish,

I'm sure my lifestyle will probably kill me even before I kill myself

anything I'm not used to just seems like " extra effert"

effert I can't be bothered with

[LifelongLoner]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

anything I'm not used to just seems like " extra effert"

effert I can't be bothered with

Well, I do make efforts to improve myself. I start and often don't finish things. I work full-time and at the end of the day there is little energy left for the things I really want to do. On weekends, I am so tired and feeling down from being tired that I often rage with frustration.

Socially, I have never been successful. I just don't have the looks or the personality to be successful socially. I got tired of the abuse from people who rejected and looked down on me. I even have had bad experiences in churches. A big part of it is that I am introverted and intellectual. I think too much! Or, at least, I think I do!

Though I do make efforts, they are not enough. I just don't seem to enjoy the company of others to want to make more of an effort. As a child, I was intentionally isolated by my mother who wanted me to be her caretaker. I was discouraged from having friends and socially, I never caught on because I had anti-social training. I never learned to play well with others. I am still not good at it. I find no joy in it.

As I get older, I am not able to do the things that I once enjoyed. I used to play tennis but now my feet are so bad that I am in severe pain afterwards. I also cannot take the long walks that I used to do because my feet are so problematic - it appears to be a combination of arthritis and chronic tendonitis. When I do go for walks, I am a lot slower. If I stop to take a break then my joints stiffen up and there is a lot of pain. So, I am losing interest in life because I cannot do the things that were once important parts of my life. Living with physical pain is very debilitating both physically and mentally. I am feeling extremely frustrated and increasingly unhappy.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((raging vortex)))) I'm sorry you're struggling, as well.

Originally Posted by LifelongLoner

Well, I do make efforts to improve myself. I start and often don't finish things. I work full-time and at the end of the day there is little energy left for the things I really want to do. On weekends, I am so tired and feeling down from being tired that I often rage with frustration.

Socially, I have never been successful. I just don't have the looks or the personality to be successful socially. I got tired of the abuse from people who rejected and looked down on me. I even have had bad experiences in churches. A big part of it is that I am introverted and intellectual. I think too much! Or, at least, I think I do!

Though I do make efforts, they are not enough. I just don't seem to enjoy the company of others to want to make more of an effort. As a child, I was intentionally isolated by my mother who wanted me to be her caretaker. I was discouraged from having friends and socially, I never caught on because I had anti-social training. I never learned to play well with others. I am still not good at it. I find no joy in it.

As I get older, I am not able to do the things that I once enjoyed. I used to play tennis but now my feet are so bad that I am in severe pain afterwards. I also cannot take the long walks that I used to do because my feet are so problematic - it appears to be a combination of arthritis and chronic tendonitis. When I do go for walks, I am a lot slower. If I stop to take a break then my joints stiffen up and there is a lot of pain. So, I am losing interest in life because I cannot do the things that were once important parts of my life. Living with physical pain is very debilitating both physically and mentally. I am feeling extremely frustrated and increasingly unhappy.

I know.

I have fibro, and on ocasions I use a wheelchair to get myself around- I mean I can walk a certain distance, but then I'll get out of breath and I'll just get really stiff.

I don't go out much, not really because of that, because of my agoraphobia and also my fear of people- if someone is in a room with me, I guess that's fine, but more than 1 person... I struggle majorly to the point of actually having a panic attack.

but not knowing what I want from life, and not knowing what will make me happy.. that's hard

because how do you know when to start?

so much more I wanna say too

but will leave it here for now