[alittlelikemusic]

I'm drunk while writing this. Forgive me, especially if you hate alcoholics. I'm not one though. I promise. I'm only drinking cause my mother is using me again.

I'm lonely. I just wish I had friends. I feel like I'm this super weird, awkward alien that can't socialize worth a damn and everyone can see it. So they back off. Maybe I'm just the most boring person in the world, but then the majority of my life I've spent making people laugh so they don't bully me or vent their anger out on me. On one hand, I want to continue to live to prove to myself that life isn't as ****** as I think it is, but on the other hand I just want to give up and die and sleep for eternity. Why should I fight when I'm so tired? I just want to sleep. I want everyone to stop hurting me and just leave me the **** alone.

Don't fight the sleep, if you've drank to much and are feeling depressed, perhaps things will look better in the morning.

Listen, if you struggle with depression, seriously consider stopping. It's a depressant and push you over the edge. If it's a daily activity, to much will destroy your productivity and health. Check out this article when you are less drunk/sleepy:

THE COMPLICIT CONSPIRACY OF ALCOHOL | Bewitching Kitchen

Hope you feel better soon.

[mote.of.soul]

Yes. Nowinners [previous post] is right, alittlelikemusic, and I do understand where you're coming from also.

You know what? I feel pretty much the same way: as a 'super weird, awkward alien that can't socialize worth a damn and everyone can see it.' Well put, actually.

For me, I went and got therapy around these things and was personally diagnosed with social anxiety [amongst other things over the years] - and it's actually a fairly common disorder, though the severity of which can vary. But furthermore, the therapists pointed out to me how this mindset came about in the first place, and it was very interesting and insightful, alittlelikemusic.

Have you considered therapy? It might really help you [diagnosis or not] with the way you're feeling and offer you a way through. Because I understand how awful and self defeating such a mindset can be. A lot of people understand. (((Hugs!)))

Also, I'm very sorry about the situation with your mom. Yes, very hurtful.

Stay strong please, you're in the company of friends here.

[cryingontheinside]

Stay strong . life can get better . i have to try and believe that for myself too . i have no real friends and can't socialize well either .