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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 15
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#1
Okay so I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I means I do but then again i dont. It feels like I can’t trust anyone and I don’t want to tbh. So Idek why I’m posting this maybe I want my feelings to feel valid like maybe someone else gets it. I feel overly sensitive bc in college I had the most female friends I’ve ever had in life. I went to an all girls high school and was a loner. College I decided to give females a shot. When I met the girls there were already red flags I decided to ignore which I have a habit of doing. I have a habit of seeing the best Ik ppl even when it’s not there. And to make a long story short a lot of the girls took my kindness for weakness and when I wld confront them or speak up they were shocked bc they thought I was an imbecile or something. They tried to jump me they set me up to be sexually assaulted basically and just too much. I was always a loner in grade and high school. I thought college wld be different. Also I was always bullied by other girls in school and I had no idea you cld be an adult and get bullied. Anyways fast forward to 2018 I went through the darkest depression and I isolated myself from my whole college. And ended up leaving the school. Then the crazy part is my oldest sister who’s ten years older than me turned out to be a narcissistic sociopath. Who basically love bombed me into staying with her only to beat me up with her words and use me for her own monetary benefit. Smh. I have a best friend but it’s like I have trust issues and I’m withdrawing from her. It seems so petty to be mad but I kind of feel like she isn’t really a great friend like she says bc she never visited me at her college but I visited her. And then I spent ton of money on her for her birthdays but I didn’t get anything and I know you shldnt give to get back but I do value reciprocation! I like to get back the same I put in. It’s like when she was lonely and hurting that’s when she needed me but now that she has a car and a great job she doesn’t need me anymore. And honestly I don’t have the energy for this anymore. I don’t have the energy to make friendships work. Bc no matter if you tell someone you’re wounded they don’t gaf they’re only looking for what they can get out of you. I don’t think everyone is like this I just don’t have the energy to wear my heart on my sleeve and let ppl in and then theyhurte so badly again. I do believe I have trust issues but I really don’t want friends anymore. I’m fine being alone. Sometimes I get those days I wish I cld have a good friendship but then I don’t care anymore.
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Anonymous45521, Fuzzybear, Goforward, mountainstream, Sunflower123, Thirty shades
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 4,799
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#2
So sorry you have had to go through that.
Bullies have super ego's... They are responsible for their actions Be your own best friend.... |
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Fuzzybear, lovejones24
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lovejones24
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2008
Location: N/A
Posts: 2,150
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#3
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Thirty shades
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#4
Quote:
My boss is an extrovert and I said to him the other day that if Hitler walked into room my boss would say he was a "good guy". He said no but I think it is true. He just doesn't seem to have the capacity that I do to be able to hold grudges or to really recognize when someone has been using him. Consequently it seems he is beloved.... but widely used. But he doesn't care about that. I wonder sometimes if this is the key... just making myself less able to notice when people are not my friend and not caring about them using me.. but, I can't. I am just "smarter" than most people and I can see these things. I want friends, I really do. And I am a good friend. But I cannot tolerate people using me or betraying me or liking other people better than me. So I would rather be alone. No matter what trials that makes for me. |
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Thirty shades
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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#5
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lovejones24, Thirty shades
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lovejones24, Thirty shades
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Member
Member Since Jan 2019
Location: CA
Posts: 273
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#6
It's tough going through life without friends. At the same time bad friends aren't worth it either. Maybe give your not so good friend space for a while but keep yourself open to new friends. There are good people out there willing to share. Here's to hope.
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Thirty shades
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Thirty shades
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 15
5 13 hugs
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#7
Quote:
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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21 81.2k hugs
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#8
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Thirty shades
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2008
Location: N/A
Posts: 2,150
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#9
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Junior Member
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 13
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#10
People who are easy to be taken advantage of often put out a vibe of being such a person. It could be body language, it could be the way you speak about yourself or something else. But it puts out a signal to users that lets them know 'hey, come take advantage'.
Like many things, moderation is the key. Finding the best in people is a wonderful trait, actually, but that doesn't mean it's wise to let it run rampant. Balancing it with learning how to spot red flags, and also acting on them, can eliminate a lot of problems. Everyone can be subject to getting taken advantage of so don't forget that. The books Boundaries and Toxic People by Townsend/Cloud may help you. There are good people out there, you simply need to learn to be more discerning. I often end up going long periods of time with no friends since i try to be pickier about who i let in. I do get lonely, and sometimes i still make a bad choice, but i'm also not taken advantage of frequently and i'm still able to make friends. __________________ I can never be all that you want from me
And I am broken, I will fail you constantly |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 4,799
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#11
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Our inner emotional and mental health scares people away |
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