Any support for my depression?

Hii...

Its been a year now that i am too depressed for anything. I have been to this psychiatrist a number of times and he has given a number of different SSRIs but none has helped at all. I have been into regular therapy too but that didn't help either. I am into a phd program and i dont know how to make ends meet. I can hardly get out of bed. I used to perform quite well in studies before but now i am lagging badly and my supervisor is displeased. Mental health is a big taboo in my country so i cannot tell him that i am suffering. Laboratory hours are long and there's no long holidays. I don't know how to put up. I don't even have a friend who can talk to me or support. My parents tries to be supportive but they lack awareness and end up invalidaing my feelings saying 'dont think in this way/dont waste the precious time of your life etc'. I have been trying hard to incorporate some healthy habits to daily routine but somehow i cannot do it for more than 2days (i think i might have ADHD too but the only ADHD medicine that's avaliable in my country - methylphenidate - didn't work either.) i have failed so many times to make changes that i am too afraid now to even try anything. It has somehow become an automatic behaviour, to fail after 2days so i cant even get myself to start. There's no help for me. I feel so afraid as to how to continue my Phd and life in general.

Any help would mean a lot to me.

Thank you,

Sorry you are going through such a tough time. Is the stress of your PHD program causing this do you think?

I am not being able to figure out whether the phd is making me depressed or whether it is my depression that is hampering my motivation towards phd. I have always been very motivated about perusing phd. But i didn't get the topic of my choice. So a part of me is feeling hopeless, like i have given up on my dreams. I don't know if that is a reason. But I don't even feel like perusing something else. I don't have much options either.

It sounds like the stress of the program might be making you question things? This is pretty common when stress, life and our issues collide. I am sorry this is so much on you and that nothing has helped.

Have you tried meditation and similar techniques?

I'm sorry I'm not sure I know what to suggest to you. I guess the only thing I can suggest is that there are 2 ways things can change, with regard to the situation you've described here. One is that someone else will decide for you. (For example, you'll continue to displease your supervisor & this will lead to you flunking out, not graduating, being dropped from your program.) The other is that you figure out some way to begin changing your circumstances. I don't know you obviously; so I can't tell you how to go about that.

I know you mentioned you had participated in some therapy but it didn't help. I don't know how long you attended therapy. Therapy can sometimes take a long time to produce real & lasting results. Perhaps at this point, given the situation you find yourself in, what would be helpful would be to talk with someone (a counselor, therapist or academic advisor) about your situation & what you can do specifically to have some positive impact on it. I'm talking about a "nuts-&-bolts" kind of discussion here rather than a "touchy-feely" swim through your emotions, if that makes sense. Not that a "touchy-feely" swim doesn't feel good & can't be beneficial. But, if I'm understanding your circumstances at the moment, what you may most need now is help with developing a plan of action before someone else makes your decisions for you. And sometimes one simply needs another person to talk things through with in order to see a pathway forward.

Here's a link to an article, from PC's archives, that hopefully may provide some additional context for the point I've tried to make:

So, You're Lost? The Advice You'd Never Expect

My best wishes to you.