Forgiveness

Hello folks,

lately I have been reflecting on the power of forgiveness. I've set several goals for myself related to forgiving people who hurt me in the past. I have found that when I carry anger or resentment around I am more likely to feel depressed. Because to live in anger is to live as a prisoner. With forgiveness, comes freedom. Meeting some of my forgiveness goals will be a gradual process...for those very deep hurts. However, there are some people I realized that I have already forgiven and I feel a sense of peace about that. Peace is my top goal in life.

Would anyone like to share some forgiveness via the thread?
Or is there someone you're working on forgiving and just haven't made it there yet?
Or perhaps your goal is less about forgiveness and more about "letting go?"
Maybe you are trying to forgive yourself for something?

**Please note that I am not trying to pressure anyone or preach about forgiveness. It would be something voluntary that people are choosing for themselves.

To the individual who mugged me: I do not know what led you to that violent act and I was really angry about it for quite some time. I was angry because your action really disrupted my sense of safety. But I saw your face and you looked so young. And now all I can hope is that your life path shifted back to peace and safety. I forgive you.

To my father who is in an alcoholic that I have always wanted to feel love and acceptance from. To very dear friend that doesn't make me feel love, acceptance and a part of their life, and to my husband who has said some very hurtful things over the years. Why is it that we need to feel love and acceptance from others to love ourselves?

Hi Shannon, I am sorry to hear of your struggles. It is very painful when we seek love and acceptance and don't always find it. Personally, I believe that we must love ourselves first. Then we can share our love with others. I think if someone is seeking acceptance from others, then perhaps they do not fully accept themselves yet. When you truly love yourself, it will of course hurt if someone is unkind or disrespectful but it will not change your perception of your worth. Sort of the other way round from what you said.

If you'd like to discuss that more, feel free to shoot me a message. Thank you for participating in the forgiveness thread. Peace and positive energy to you You deserve unconditional love and happiness.

Clarification: I wanted to clarify something in my reply but the "edit" button is no longer there. I think it is limited maybe as to how long we can edit.

I wanted to clarify that all humans deserve connection and to feel accepted by their group...whoever that may be...family, friends, community. That is particularly important with our parents. I was not trying to suggest that wanting acceptance is abnormal at all. I just find, for me anyway, that the more energy I put into self-acceptance and self-appreciation, the better equipped I am to connect with others and/or deal with disappointments or hurts from people around me.

I also want to say that connecting with someone who is dependent on alcohol can be uniquely challenging. My brother is dependent on alcohol and he frequently says hurtful things to me. He is deeply depressed and tries to self-medicate with ETOH. I try to help him but the more I try the more angry he becomes so I am taking a step back to give us both time and space.

Part of the problem with alcoholism is that over time it can lead to frontal lobe damage. That can lead to impulsivity such as impulsive behaviors, physical or verbal aggression, zero filter etc. I don't know if that sounds at all like some of the difficulty you've experienced with your father. I am so sorry for your pain. I think there might be a thread on PC to support adult children of alcoholics. Perhaps that could bring you some solace, Shannon?
And I am sorry if my original, shorter reply was less than helpful. Hope the clarification helps. Be well

To the former boss who harassed me:

Everyone else at work was impressed by my skills and efforts yet you made it miserable for myself and several others to be at work each day. I think you could not have been happy at that time because happy people do not treat others that way. I hope that you have found peace and happiness in your life. I hope that you no longer treat your employees with contempt. I forgive you.

To the part of me who gets depressed, fearful, frozen, or numb...I forgive you for not always keeping up with me and for really letting me down sometimes. I am sorry that I sometimes make it harder for you when you are trying your best and still struggle.