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Default Mar 01, 2019 at 03:51 PM
  #221
Sleep paralysis is killing me

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Default Mar 01, 2019 at 06:57 PM
  #222
Feeling lonely tonight. I had a difficult day. I did a lot of sleeping. Looks like I'll be going to bed early. Don't know what else to do. I don't feel well emotionally.

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Default Mar 02, 2019 at 05:51 AM
  #223
Feeling better this morning. I'm staying busy and I'm doing fun things. I guess the sleep help reset me.

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Default Mar 02, 2019 at 04:05 PM
  #224
Having a low motivation/low energy day but am not noticeably depressed. Snuggled up on the couch with my pets watching a movie. Will try to be more productive tomorrow.

I am going to travel part way to my daughter’s college to have lunch with her tomorrow. Looking forward to that.

Warm wishes to all for a peaceful Saturday.
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Default Mar 02, 2019 at 06:27 PM
  #225
A typical Saturday. I did my housecleaning and shopping. My friend had mentioned last night that he was going with his wife to shop at a store near me. I told him that he could stop over to my place. He never showed up.

Maybe it was just as well as I had planned to visit a rental agency this morning. If my friend had shown up, then I wouldn't have made the time to visit that office. I visited the office this morning and spoke to a woman who was very nice and helpful to me. Though there was not a good match for me, she encouraged me to keep trying. She said that it could get better in the coming weeks. I hope so. It was nice being able to just drop in and talk because practically all other rental agency offices are closed on Saturdays.

My sister called me this afternoon. Normally we don't talk on Saturdays. She had something planned for tomorrow. Our conversation went well until she had to drop a bomb by saying that she's hoping I would come and visit them. I never wanted to do that. And then she was saying how her daughter is upset because my brother and I haven't come to visit.

Feeling a bit down now because of my activities are over now. The weather here has been cloudy, windy, rainy, and cold. I just got a movie tonight and that's it.
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Default Mar 03, 2019 at 08:36 AM
  #226
I have just realized, if I don't mess up too much, in a year I will officially be a pharmacist. I don't know what I will do then

I have to get ride of depression in order to initiate the pharmacy residence to become an hospital pharmacy specialist or enroll in a PhD program. Thinking about it is overwhelming

I don't know how I have reached this point

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"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-
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Default Mar 03, 2019 at 01:37 PM
  #227
Had dreaded feelings when I got up. Did the laundry. It went OK except that I goofed at the dryers and it cost me 50 cents to a dollar. I know that's very little money to lose, but I always get upset when I lose some money, even just a couple of cents.

A gloomy day outside with some off-and-on drizzle. I get the feeling I'm just going to do light bike riding today because of the road conditions. I just walked yesterday instead of bike riding because of the wetness.
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Default Mar 03, 2019 at 10:25 PM
  #228
I have everything going for me yet I still am not happy or satisfied. I feel like I am being ungrateful and manipulative. I feel really guilty.

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Default Mar 03, 2019 at 10:36 PM
  #229
The weekend is about over. It was a very dull weekend. There were no interactions with anyone during the whole weekend. Back to work tomorrow, there should be.

Took a two hour bike ride today. It was very cloudy and it drizzled at times. There were certain sections of the road that got wet, much to my surprise. I might have missed some pouring rain before I got there! Well, the bike riding was nice.
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Default Mar 04, 2019 at 06:05 PM
  #230
My doctor asked me if I wanted antidepressants today. I told him no I’d rather wait it out. I don’t want a repeat of 2015. My doctor (different one) thought I was depressed and he put me on Zoloft. Of course it was just seasonal. This was also in March. 2 weeks later spring started. 3 months later I got off the Zoloft 30 pounds heavier then I was before. Yup. I will wait it out.

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Default Mar 04, 2019 at 11:39 PM
  #231
Today was a pretty good day at work, even though the morning started off pretty weird. Took a bike ride after work. For the first time in two weeks, I went to the pool area. I had not been able to go there for the last two weeks because I had skin surgery. Well, the hot tub didn't work, it was cold. Too bad because I was looking forward to it. Especially on a night like this which is nice and cold for me. I hope that they will take care of it by tomorrow.
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Default Mar 05, 2019 at 08:14 AM
  #232
I went to college

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"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-
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Default Mar 05, 2019 at 05:34 PM
  #233
Was a little anxious this afternoon. But I'm starting to feel better. Not sure what I will do tonight. Maybe read then go to bed early.

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Default Mar 05, 2019 at 10:19 PM
  #234
I'm tired of fighting.
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Default Mar 05, 2019 at 11:42 PM
  #235
It was a slow day at work today. Got home and felt discouraged. The pool area is still not working. I just hate it that I have to holler to the HOA constantly to get things done and they don't! I wouldn't last very long at my job if I operated that way. I feel discouraged because I can't stand my place where I live at and there's no getting out of it.

Also I got thinking that I don't have much of a family. It seems like they just think of themselves or value me because of what I can do for them, while they wouldn't do anything for me to help out.
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Default Mar 06, 2019 at 11:27 PM
  #236
I'm feeling like people are getting on my nerves. It seems like the people at work are in bad moods. I guess it's because of the weather. It's been cloudy and rainy a lot in the last month or two. People are telling me that they are really sick of it. I tend to love rain and cold but it's just been going on too long now. I've had to cancel my bike rides and going to the pool area a lot because of it.
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Default Mar 07, 2019 at 06:22 AM
  #237
I am basically at a standstill, a complete standstill

I don't know what else to say

every day is just groundhog day- going through the motions, eating less than average food, having little to no interaction with people, and then failing to get a good night's sleep

and that all starts again the next day, and the next, and the next, and the next

doesn't help living with 30 or so alters

I guess the positive of this week is that I got to have pancakes with sugar and lemmon on

they were good too, ended up having like 3 of them

but it doesn't solve the emptyness and sadness inside
 
 
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Default Mar 08, 2019 at 09:40 AM
  #238
I'm doing well today. I had a really good blood sugar number this morning. They've pretty much been good for the past few weeks. I feel good. I slept well and I'm playing my game. Going to relax today.

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Default Mar 08, 2019 at 03:33 PM
  #239
I'm feeling very depressed today. I was kind of suicidal last night, some of the thoughts are still hanging on, but I don't feel as much drive to act on them today. Things are going to get better, I have insurance again so I can go back to 2x a month with my therapist, and I just got an appointment with a prescriber for the week after next. But right now it's hard not to focus on the bad. I'm just isolating today and trying to avoid everyone.
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Default Mar 08, 2019 at 06:27 PM
  #240
I am sad and heart broken today.
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