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Default Aug 04, 2019 at 01:40 AM
  #821
And I dont expect a darn thing. Just let me go, I hate alcohol, why did I drink ...... I don't care. Advil and coffee in the morning, and get myself a decent place to live sometime soon.
 
 
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Help Aug 04, 2019 at 08:55 AM
  #822
Have not slept one second all night long.

I'm now trying some relaxing videos on YouTube . . . the ones where you hear rain while you look at trees in a forest, or watch and hear waves on a beach.

That stuff is all well and good . . . but I just swallowed two Vicodin, as I expect chemical soothing will work more reliably quicker than imagery.

Not having a normal circadian rhythm has ruined my life.

And my s.o. has an inner clock that keeps perfect time . . . and he expects me to stay in sync with him. Someday I'll know the joy of living alone again. I'll do everything at my own pace.

I'll not turn the TV on for 3 consecutive days just because the quiet sounds nicer. I'll eat breakfast at 2 a.m. just because I get a yen for some French toast at that hour. I'll go for a drive at 5 a.m. and watch the sun rise somewhere scenic.

I miss the 3 places where I used to live alone - tiny rented places in three different cities. Didn't have much. I loved them for what they kept out, rather than for what they contained. I loved being free from intrusion.

I think I'll stay in the bedroom all day today. He doesn't like coming in here, but sleeps in his recliner. Good. Stay out there. I have to catch up on my quota of solitude. Being with someone constantly is soul-killing for me.
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Default Aug 04, 2019 at 02:21 PM
  #823
I was very busy yesterday, too busy to look and write on here. Cleaning, shopping, and lots of running around. It was a pretty nice day emotionally yesterday. I have a new high interest savings yield pending starting yesterday that I'm excited about. I'm putting the rest of the money that my sister had paid back to me recently.

Last night I took a walk nearby, which I don't do very often. It was alright, but a bit silly like always. Felt very tired last night. I didn't sleep well last night because of the temperature changes. Just had a sheet over me because it was warm, but then it cooled off a lot in the middle of the night. I put a blanket on and then I got sneezing. That's what kept me awake.
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Default Aug 04, 2019 at 06:30 PM
  #824
Book 2 in my series outselling book 1, I don't get it!
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Default Aug 04, 2019 at 10:39 PM
  #825
Another fairly busy day. I had a neighbor ask me to take him shopping. I said OK since I was going to a car wash, and I ended up not doing it because the place was too crowded. And then I had to go to the store because I forgot an important item yesterday. The neighbor doesn't have a car. He's an OK guy but I fear that he may hit on me for favors. I prefer not to have a neighbor like that. He's not my type. If he turns out the way I fear that he might, then I'm going to have to come up with excuses. I hate doing that, but I hate to give in to someone like that, also.

Took a two and a half hour bike ride today. My sister called me this morning. We had a fairly nice talk, but she had to ruin it a bit by suggesting that I could move to her area, in which I have absolutely no interest in doing.
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Default Aug 05, 2019 at 12:30 AM
  #826
Another night, was happy, paid for a movie with my "roomate"... what a jerk. He's ruined my good mood. Accusing, insulting, making life as hard as possible when I feel happy. He obviously always had problems, and he needs to be alone. I need a new home. I don't want to go to my dad's and have no car. I'm broke. One day at a time.
 
 
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Default Aug 05, 2019 at 08:20 PM
  #827
I'm very angry and sad. I think it's due to medication changes. I'm also rather despondent on not being able to move away from my hometown because of job/financial problems and the need to buy a new truck before leaving.
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Default Aug 05, 2019 at 10:56 PM
  #828
Today I was feeling pretty good at work. But then I got home and a totally different story. I had ordered shirts for work and they came in. It turned out that I got the wrong order. So I'll have to get that straightened out. And then I got working out and threw my back out. I had just started the workout when it happened. I felt like I was rushing to do the exercises because I was getting a late start and was pissed off about it. I'll either start in on it again on Wednesday, if I feel alright by then, or next week. I felt awful tonight both physically and emotionally because of getting hurt. I'm in so much pain right now in my lower back.

Last edited by will19; Aug 05, 2019 at 11:19 PM..
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Default Aug 05, 2019 at 11:03 PM
  #829
Today was better. Got some cleaning and organizing my things to pack to move. Maybe my dad will let me drive him around if I clean and cook for him.

I don't want to leave though. I have a chance for work in the city and my elder son already lives with my dad for helping w everything. Summer will soon end and winter is a difficulty to get around in the rural area.
 
 
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Default Aug 05, 2019 at 11:08 PM
  #830
3rd rock,, I can kind of relate. Hope your book sales help soon.
 
 
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Default Aug 06, 2019 at 10:50 PM
  #831
I slept pretty good last night, so I felt alright today. I have not slept well lately. When I first got up I felt wonderful because I had a good night's sleep and no pain or soreness in my back. But unfortunately, my back pain crept up later on. It feels better now but still hurts a bit. I felt depressed because of my sore back today.

Took a bike ride after work. My back was hurting while riding a little bit. But afterwards it felt better. Went to the hot tub early this evening and it helped it a bit more.
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Default Aug 07, 2019 at 01:10 PM
  #832
I should try to get to the pool today, down the road. I'm very sore from falling and hitting my head knees and hips. Trying to get my amitriptyline faxed in because it helps with pain. I'm not depressed, just tired of my living situation. My younger sounds good, talked to him today, he's got his own place. Life keeps going. My fun today was getting some cat grass seeds, because my cat likes to eat houseplants.
 
 
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Default Aug 07, 2019 at 10:59 PM
  #833
A very slow day at work today. Some people made little remarks that were upsetting. No big deal but just unpleasant. Took a bike ride after work instead of working out today like I would have done. My lower back is still sore. It's improving, but a nuisance.
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Default Aug 08, 2019 at 01:03 AM
  #834
I don't like the fact that all the late-night comedy shows are almost 100% political nowadays. They've become unwatchable.
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Default Aug 08, 2019 at 01:04 AM
  #835
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2daffodils View Post
3rd rock,, I can kind of relate. Hope your book sales help soon.
Thank you for your encouragement. I'm hopeful that the release of the 3rd book in my series will increase sales.
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Default Aug 08, 2019 at 08:20 AM
  #836
Feel pretty good today. I bought some new art books with cool assignments. Can't wait to get started and improve my skills. Listened to some affirmations this morning. Want to try to do that every day. Goal is to flush out negative self talk.

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Default Aug 09, 2019 at 12:43 PM
  #837
Well I didn't get to the pool. Pharmacy messed up my meds. I feel depressed right now. Tired, needed something to help with pain and sleep.
 
 
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Default Aug 09, 2019 at 05:06 PM
  #838
Depressed and went for cookies and milk today.
 
 
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Default Aug 09, 2019 at 05:08 PM
  #839
Also, I brought my bike in for a tune up. I feel a little brighter this week.
 
 
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Default Aug 09, 2019 at 11:35 PM
  #840
I was pretty busy today making reservations for my trip next month. I was able to book the airline, car rental, and lodging. Really looking forward to it. But there are times when I feel a little bit of remorse and even wondering if I'm going to make it until then.

Feeling pretty depressed and down physically. My back is still stiff but getting better. I didn't work out, but I went for a bike ride. Also I felt tired, sore at the back and gassy (it's embarrassing for me to say that).
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