[Seafarer]

Originally Posted by kumy

It's ok to still feel sad about it, 3rd rock. There's not a stipulated amount of time during which you are allowed to mourn her. You will be able to remember the good times with her without the sadness, but that will come on its own. Do not try to change your emotions....

This. It takes time.

Originally Posted by Rose76

I am very depressed today. I just broke down crying. I don't even know why.

Not much sleep last night.

(((((Rose)))))
Hope you feel better soon.

There's not much to say. I'd like to be completely self-less, I'd like to not care that all I se in my life is others needs and wanting to be of use to them. Then I see back that they really down deep don't care at all about me. I wish I knew what it was to make most people not think of me and my needs.
There isn't any thoughtfulness. I reach out to friends, what few I have, and they don't reach back. It must be me. It must be by personality is a turn off.
I can't change much at this point. I sound selfish now, but just once in my life I wanted someone who is a true friend, truly cares, in whatever this so called life is. I'm being sorry for myself tonight. That's not a good way to think.

[kumy]

Today I'm really down and I just want to curl in bed and sleep for three months, at least. But, alas, I'm not even allowed to do that.

[Seafarer]

I would like to be help to others too, @2daffodils, just as I would like for others to be around for me when I need them. But I get the feeling from others that they don't need anything I have to offer, or anything from anyone else either. So that makes me wonder, maybe I'm "supposed" to not need others either? That idea doesn't make any sense to me. I thought people were meant to be here for each other. But I'm the only person I know who seems to need others' help sometimes. It makes me wonder what they have that I don't have. Am I disabled in some way I don't even know about?

One thing it has taught me is that people who have enough money can do anything they want, get anything they want, themselves. But money is not supposed to be the main "treasure" in life.

@Seafarer that is how I feel. I did have use today, I brought my son food and we talked about work. I miss him. I actually said to my roommate today that if I had money in the bank is have my own home. I meant it. But I agree money is not the be all end all.. but it's unfortunately a necessity to get through life. I've done my part. Guess I feel used. Things change though. Thanks for the reply, it's appreciated. I hope you have a good night.

[3rd rock]

Originally Posted by kumy

It's ok to still feel sad about it, 3rd rock. There's not a stipulated amount of time during which you are allowed to mourn her. You will be able to remember the good times with her without the sadness, but that will come on its own. Do not try to change your emotions....

Originally Posted by Seafarer

This. It takes time.

Thank you for your kind words. She was my only friend through the worst times in my life, and I miss her affection greatly. I'll be okay.

[will19]

The weekend has just begun for me. Nothing much except for the usual cleaning and shopping tomorrow. I'm doing OK with my friend being away. He will be back next Friday night. And then early the next morning I will leave on my vacation. It's just only a week away from now!

It seems like my neighbors are not being nice lately. They are hardly saying "hello". I don't know what's wrong with them. I get sick of people like that.

[Deilla]

I'm hoping to have a relaxing weekend. I've had a busy week. At the moment I feel calm and relaxed. I just got through dealing with some paperwork. It's done now. I'm glad. I have a stressful situation. But I'm making the best of it. I'm just taking things one step at a time.

[QuietTulip]

Hi, all.

I am new here. I have a lot of crying spells and depression relating to a few issues:

1. my insomnia. I am working on this with my therapist and doing a meditation program. But when I do not sleep, I cry all day, and things seem hopelees.

2. My soulmate's death in April. I am working on this in therapy, but I still have scattered crying spells.

3. low motivation. I spent lots of time stuck on the couch.

4 socials isolation-have only a few local friends, whom I rarely see. I am 48, and meeting people is much harder than it was 30 years ago. I tend to be quiet and introverted anyway.

But I did get out yesterday did some errands and went to therapy. I am trying to get interested in creative things again, writing a new story..

I'm very tired.

[will19]

I'm feeling pretty down tonight. I got a movie and I hope I will like it. The movies I have been watching lately have not been that good. I'm getting sick of just watching movies every Saturday night by myself.

In a week from now I will be about 2000 miles away from home for a week.

[Rose76]

I feel okay.

[will19]

Been very busy this morning with the laundry and making spaghetti sauce. The laundry was a bit of a headache as other people were using the machines; causing some delays. But it was OK because I had so much time and not much to lose.

Lately I feel like my neighbors at where I live are not liking me. I've been getting the cold shoulder. I don't know what I could have done for them to not like me.

So far it's been a dull weekend. My sister hasn't called me in a while. Since I'll be away next week, I wonder if she will know that I'll be on vacation. I told her about three weeks ago, but I get the feeling that she may have forgotten about it.

Ordered two books from eBay. First time ordering on eBay. I've used amazon in the past and it was ok. I don't shop online much at all though.

The first book was a scam, I received a pdf doc.

the second book came slightly damaged, there is a large crease in the cover. I'm so upset. I don't even want to touch it anymore. I should have just bought it new at the store. if I remember correctly there was only a three dollar difference since it's a pretty esoteric book of translated poetry....There was a postit pointing to the crease which said DA. idk what the **** that means?

I also feel ****** about my clothes. I just feel so unfashionable all the time.


I have an awful feeling my closest friend doesn't listen. doesn't want to listen, that my life is junk to him.

[Seafarer]

I went to the grocery store to buy peanut butter and something for lunch but the place was a madhouse. No managers on duty so the employees were ignoring the customers. I would have walked out but I was out of peanut butter. I left feeling mentally battered and trying to be thankful I hadn't been physically battered as well.

Then I got home to find some very friendly and encouraging posts from online friends on a forum that made me feel worth something to someone after all. And later I had the laundry room all to myself and did 3 loads of laundry without seeing another soul. Bliss.

I'm tracking 4 online orders -- the one I ordered from eBay hasn't even been shipped yet and I'm starting to get antsy. It's the one I want most of all.

Originally Posted by will19

Been very busy this morning with the laundry and making spaghetti sauce. The laundry was a bit of a headache as other people were using the machines; causing some delays. But it was OK because I had so much time and not much to lose.

Lately I feel like my neighbors at where I live are not liking me. I've been getting the cold shoulder. I don't know what I could have done for them to not like me.

So far it's been a dull weekend. My sister hasn't called me in a while. Since I'll be away next week, I wonder if she will know that I'll be on vacation. I told her about three weeks ago, but I get the feeling that she may have forgotten about it.

Will, why don't you call your sister and find out what's going on with her?
Hope your neighbors get back to normal soon. Hugs.

[Seafarer]

I've just been on another board where one member got concerned about privacy issues. The result was that some other members changed their userids and IDs with no notice. I came to the forum and suddenly saw what looked to me like a bunch of new members, only they weren't, and everyone else seemed to "get" who they were in their new identities. I was the only one who didn't, and it made me feel stupid. It was like a prank where everyone else is wearing disguises but they all can recognize each other and I'm the only one out of the loop. I tried to explain how it made me feel and the others defended the pranksters and didn't get where I was coming from at all.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in a group activity who's standing on the outside looking in and they all want me to join the fun and then they do something like this and I'm the only one who doesn't get what's going on. I hate that feeling.
I've already retreated as far as I know how from some real-life groups I tried. That other board seemed like such a friendly and kind community, but suddenly something like this happens and they explain their reasons but when I try to explain mine they get all defensive.
Horses have it so much easier. Everyone -- even humans -- gets what ears laid back and teeth bared mean!

Comparing apples with oranges. Very frustrating but am so totally fine with it. I mean, I get it now bc before I didn't get it. But now, I get it. Better than I was yesterday but still feeling down on my luck.

[kumy]

I'm not ok. These last few days I have been falling deeper and I can't see any way out of this place where I am. I'm really scared of my thoughts...

Possible trigger:

I'm trying really hard not to hurt myself because I'm afraid I will not be able to stop.