[kumy]

I haven't been sleeping well this week. Yesterday, I didn't sleep at all. I'm really down today. Not sleeping makes me irritable and sensible.

I think I have secured an affordable, safe place to live. With roommates, but they seem sane. My studio was affordable but also a little too expensive at the same time. and this private room is only a little more expensive than the shared room I lived in when I first moved here. Meaning I will save more money each month. I don't know how street parking will be but they rotate a shared parking space, and it seems much safer at night.

Work sucks. Men don't look at me when they speak to each other. People take over my work. They have no confidence in me. I don't know if I can move up since I transferred to this company from a sister company and my previous boss was a gaslighting psychopath who may have destroyed my character to HR. I'm not sure how to ask HR what exactly they have heard about me without looking bad either. I think time will make people more confident in me. Though it's a mostly male environment, there are a few females here, unlike my old workplace. and people seem nicer. It's mainly the HR/old manager concern that I've just thought of now that's really worrying me. but now I think I know how to deal with bad workplace situations like that, it's good I got that bad experience out of the way early in my career. I just worry if that bad experience will stop me from progressing here?

I graduated from college almost two years ago now. I hope things start looking up soon.

[Sunflower123]

I’m feeling sad, lonely and depressed today. It might be SAD rearing it’s ugly head although it’s a tiny bit early for that.

[SlumberKitty]

I'm having lots of trouble with my depression. And today I am having lots of trouble with motivation. I have zero motivation. I managed to get myself to work, but I got up at 5 AM and laid in the lazy boy until 6:30 AM when I was like, I really have to get ready for work. Then we had an almost one hour board meeting this morning, when they should only be 5 to 10 minutes. That sucked the life out of me even more. My concentration has gone downhill. I read two chapters of a book Pastor T wants me to read last night and this morning I can't even remember it. I have to reread it. I'll probably have to reread it every day until the session day. That sucks. A friend invited me over tonight but I declined. I told her its my Mom's birthday weekend (which is true) and that we are celebrating (well, we aren't doing that until tomorrow). So she invited me over for next Friday night and I couldn't think of a reason to get out of that one so I hope I am feeling a bit better by then. I am really not up to socializing right now. HUGS all, Kit

[will19]

This is the last day of being at home away from home. It had been nice all week except for the weather, but unfortunately my emotions (anxiety, worrying, depression, and feeling lonely) ruined it. If anyone one or anything ruined my time, in which it was for some of the time, it was all me! My emotions were the biggest cause of ruining my time here. But now I don't worry that something's going to happen to me since it's an inch away from being over.

But now I wonder how I will feel when I get back home. As of now I will be coming from a nice lake-side peaceful cabin with beautiful foliage to a downtown surrounded by high-rises and noise. Also I always dread going to work after being out for a while. I do like my job, it's just that coming back after being out is hard. But I've been through it before.

[Rose76]

I'm dragging myself through the day. Tired. I have no idea why. Slept enough last night.

I had a few days recently of doing very well. Then . . . it's like a pin got stuck in a balloon. Sudden, manor deflation. I'm not sad or unhappy. I just have zero energy.

Up or down, I have to feed my Sig. Other 3Xday. I can barely make myself pull a meal together.

Ironically, sort of, I saw a pdoc today. I see him every 3 months to get prescriptions for Ritalin. It's your 15 minute in and out deal. He barely knows me and isn't looking to delve into my psyche. That's okay by me. All I want is my script. I gave up on shrinks long ago. They can do you as much harm as good. But I asked this guy to order a thyroid test for me that I was overdue for. (My 15 minutes with him costs over $400.) He acted slightly put out. Well excuse the heck out of me. Sorry to burden you, Dude. I mean pdocs are supposed to care about thyroid function. He did put the order in.

Psychiatry seems to be filled with doctors who are basically bored with their jobs.

[kumy]

I think that today can be a good day...

[will19]

I got to the airport and received some bad news. My flight had been canceled. The airline sent me an email but I didn't receive it because I was on the road to the airport. I got another flight but it will be at least six hours later when get home. I went into a panic when I got the news. And now I don't know if I want to travel ever again. On top of that I didn't sleep well last night. I hope I make it through this.

[Seafarer]

For the first time all day my shoulder isn't hurting. It was even hurting when I woke up this morning, which was unusual. I felt really bad when I woke up during the night, I think I've taken too many OTC pain relievers. Today I tried a rub-on ointment instead, and ice, but finally had to take some more ibuprofen. I've felt sort of sickish all day until now.

[Seafarer]

Originally Posted by kumy

I think that today can be a good day...

I hope it has been a good day for you.

[will19]

Well, I am home now. It was a crazy day of flying yesterday as one unexpected destination took three hours; and then a two-and-a-half hour flight after that. If my flight had not been canceled yesterday, it would have been just a three-and-a-half hour non-stop flight. Anyways, I sat next to a woman who is a nurse and she was very nice to me. But unfortunately the woman sitting on the other side of me (I sat in a middle seat) had a very small child that cried for half the way.

I got home late last night and slept fairly well. I had to get up early so that I can do laundry. I will go shopping later on. I am surprised by the energy I had last night and this morning after what I had been through. I'm glad that it's over but I miss the good time I had last week, even though the weather wasn't the best.

[Seafarer]

This is the first day in over a week that my shoulder has not hurt. It isn't back to normal yet but at least it isn't hurting.

For some reason I slept very late this morning, until 10:30, and now at nearly 1 pm I am just finishing breakfast.

I still want to move away but I am feeling very discouraged. Moving is very expensive and a lot of trouble.

I don't know why, but all my friends seem to have dumped me. I am always upbeat with them, but two of them have dumped me after 30-odd years of friendship and the other after 10 years. I have no idea why. Guess I just don't matter to them anymore.

[3rd rock]

My new psychiatrist told me I absolutely must sleep at night and be awake during the day, as 8 hours of sleep aren't worth anything if they're during the day. I've been waking up at 6 am, although some days now I don't get out of bed until as late as 7 am. The real trouble will be when I return to work in the distant future and need a shift schedule that comports with such a sleep schedule.

finally heard back from the leasing office. I will sign the lease to my new place on Wednesday... I'm getting nervous. I don't like to sign huge contracts like these. and I hope my roommates are ok. They are definitely older, late 30s and early 40s, and I checked them out online so I think it will be ok.

some strange form of depression hit me hard yesterday. I was too tired to make it to class on Saturday and felt so awful about that. I feel grateful for this life experience I'm getting, but I don't feel good about my prospects in life. I am still feeling weird today. I caught up on sleep yesterday. basically all I did was sleep. I don't know, I just feel worthless and tired and empty and useless. I think I've been feeling burnt out lately. without even doing anything in particular that was straining... if that can even happen.

I hope moving to my new place I will have more money and more sleep. two ingredients for future success.

I suppose I did catch up on sleep this weekend. Now I have to sign up for yoga, buy plane tickets home for the holidays. Mother is probably dying soon. I am very conflicted about going home. it certainly won't be fun, and it will be expensive to go.

I want to finish my short story (but I don't fault myself for using an organic process), practice drawing, continue reading up on industry skills, do yoga to work on my body positivity.

What then? Life is so empty.

[Buffy01]

I start feeling really down and depressed last Saturday when I went out. I always feel horrible when I buy something for myself!

[will19]

I went back to work this morning after having a week off. I always dread going back after being away. This morning I got an unexpected big job to do. And then I had to do some catching up after that. The morning was a bit rough, but OK. The afternoon was still busy but better emotionally. At the end of the day and after work, I felt wonderful.

[unfoldingxwings]

Just....staring into space, crying. I don't think I'm able to function today. And that's okay. It's one of my days off from work, so, I'm just going to lay here and do nothing.

[Seafarer]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I start feeling really down and depressed last Saturday when I went out. I always feel horrible when I buy something for myself!

I feel that way sometimes too. But it's getting better. Even when I have to buy things I really need I feel guilty and like I shouldn't have spent the money. But it's getting better -- I don't always feel so bad when I buy stuff for myself. Even presents to myself.

[will19]

It was slow today at work and kind of a weird day. I felt like I had been bumbling a little bit at times. The bumbling just gets me down. Maybe that travel from last week is still getting to me.

I've been so depressed today that it affects everything I do and say. Right now I practically hate who I seem to be today. I don't feel alive.

I did enjoy some things like my cats and guitar for a while