[will19]

Today had to be the worst Saturday in a long time for me. I felt very out of it. The big event that happened in my neighborhood got me feeling very depressed. Also there's a good chance that I'm going to splitting up with the only friend I have. I don't know what I'm going to do now.

I feel like I'm surrounded by people who are having fun and happy with the company that they have. I'm just feeling very miserable and alone.

I hope that tomorrow will be better. It's too bad that my favorite day of the week was so horrible today.

[Deilla]

Doing well tonight. I found time to play piano. It was so much. I also found a new game to play. So I've just been relaxing. Will work on my class next and do some reading.

[3rd rock]

I exceeded my daily goal for writing. At this pace I'll have the 3rd draft (1st major round of revisions) done on this project by the middle of August. I could have it out on the e-shelves as early as the end of September. It'll be over 200,000 words, the longest work I've produced so far.

I know this sounds silly, but I took out two bags to the dumpster behind my building and washed the dishes. It's the little things that sometimes help. Or not. I don't know.

[Rose76]

Very unmotivated. Feel I have no goal. Wasting hour after hour. Hopeless.

[will19]

A little bit better day today than yesterday, but still feeling very down. The best part of the day was this morning when I was able to go shopping. I couldn't do it yesterday because of a special event that happened in the neighborhood. As one guy told me, "this neighborhood was in lock-down". How true!

Went on a bike ride for an hour and a half. I was pretty busy in doing domestic stuff today.

[Spirit of Trees]

I've had some good days lately.

I'm feeling better, I think I had low thyroid.

[Deilla]

Doing Okay tonight. The day flew by. I was mainly busy with my art work. Had a lot of fun. A little tired now. I think I might read.

[will19]

Back to work after a pretty dull weekend. It was kind of nice to be back to work even though it was pretty slow. This morning, when I got up, I felt very dizzy with some sweating and slightly nauseous. I don't know what was happening to me. At least I felt better after breakfast, but dealing with a headache all day and even now.

My friend called and said that he would like to spend some time with me at my place tomorrow around 6PM. That's very unusual. He told me that his wife and daughter are going to a show tomorrow, which is near where I live. If it happens I hope it will work out OK. It's very hard for me to have guests at my place on weekdays. I prefer guests on the weekends.

Struggling. Feel tired and unreal. Every day the pull towards suicide gets stronger.

[mountainstream]

Depressed.

I'm telling myself that I'm just sad tonight. The depression is not coming back.

[Deilla]

Struggling. I was triggered by my mother and now I'm completely miserable. I'm upset at myself, her and my world. Trying to snap out of it. Need to stay far away from her in the future.

[3rd rock]

Experiencing a great deal of pain. Haven't had much success recently. In May and June I made quite a bit of money, by my standards, from writing, but things seem to have fallen back to their normal low. I have nothing to live for but the hope of future success in the one thing I'm good at, and I'm not even very good at it.

Terrible things have been happening to me and no one is listening.

I feel my friend doesn’t know me or remember things I tell him. And it’s been such a hard time.

[Rose76]

I'm doing pretty good, except for morning depression.

[3rd rock]

Phone call from my employer, who I'm on leave from. Went to voicemail. Intensely afraid of checking it. It's probably just them wanting an update on my status although there's no change.

[3rd rock]

After hitting 150,000 words on my current project, I'm just going to take a day off. I'll still do some work, I just won't make any effort to hit my daily goal of 2,000 words.

[will19]

A real down day today for me. I was told by the manager at where I live that I would have to pay the rent by Cashier's Check for the next three months since I had those rejects in paying online twice. It's not really her making that decision, it's the Management's call. It makes me feel like I'm being punished or on probation. Well at least the Cashier's Check doesn't cost anything to use, but it's an inconvenience. I'd rather pay by regular check. I paid the rent twice by my checking account and there was never a problem. It was that unexpected expense that caused the problem.

And then at work a new "Work Order" system came out. I thought it was for me to use but it turned out that it was for others. I still had to use the old format. I had struggled with doing a Work Order with the new format. I felt like such an idiot.

So twice I have felt like an idiot or losing my mind because of at home and at work with procedures. I haven't had this kind of problem before or in a very long time. Scary! You would think that I should beat myself up about this. Well, I did!