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Default Jul 18, 2019 at 12:53 AM
  #741
im miserable.
 
 
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Default Jul 18, 2019 at 01:21 AM
  #742
I have no idea how to start a new thread. My brain is not wanting to focus. I haven't been on here in a while. I was diagnosed bp1 in 2006. But my main symptoms is depression which since 2015 I've been unmedicated except for lamictal which I want to stop taking but just haven't. I've been on every medication made it seems and they all have very negative side effects so I decided to just quit. I would rather face the frequent depression as bad as it is than the negative symptoms of medication. Anyway why I came here tonight is I'm hyped up, irritated, quick tempered with my family, saying things I shouldn't, no patience with my 83 year old mother who is my best friend. I even made her cry the other day, which I have never done . I never have been comfortable saying or believing that I am bp. Maybe I just don't get it, or in denial. I have MI in my family.. what is this? Is feeling like you've had way too much caffeine, irritability and all the other things I listed bp? I hate when I get like this. Depression just hurts me, but this hurts my loved ones
Can't sleep. Anyone have help?
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Default Jul 18, 2019 at 08:30 AM
  #743
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Originally Posted by Tkb1966 View Post
I have no idea how to start a new thread. My brain is not wanting to focus. I haven't been on here in a while. I was diagnosed bp1 in 2006. But my main symptoms is depression which since 2015 I've been unmedicated except for lamictal which I want to stop taking but just haven't. I've been on every medication made it seems and they all have very negative side effects so I decided to just quit. I would rather face the frequent depression as bad as it is than the negative symptoms of medication. Anyway why I came here tonight is I'm hyped up, irritated, quick tempered with my family, saying things I shouldn't, no patience with my 83 year old mother who is my best friend. I even made her cry the other day, which I have never done . I never have been comfortable saying or believing that I am bp. Maybe I just don't get it, or in denial. I have MI in my family.. what is this? Is feeling like you've had way too much caffeine, irritability and all the other things I listed bp? I hate when I get like this. Depression just hurts me, but this hurts my loved ones
Can't sleep. Anyone have help?
I'm sorry you're struggling. Have you thought about something to help you sleep? I know how I get without it, and yes it's like getting irritable and confused for me. There are natural things to start with, like cammomile tea, essential lavender oil, or melatonin. Getting enough sleep is important. Do you have a doctor to talk to about this?
 
 
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Default Jul 18, 2019 at 10:36 AM
  #744
After a year of working at this place and now leaving, I have no friendships. No one I will stay in contact with.

What is wrong with me?

I am breaking apart
 
 
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Trig Jul 18, 2019 at 12:51 PM
  #745
I think I need to return to therapy but I'm afraid my therapist might reject me because the last time we tried Skype therapy sessions, it did not end well and he said he didn't want to do it again.

Possible trigger:


I already made an appointment for next week to change my medication.

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Default Jul 18, 2019 at 01:10 PM
  #746
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Originally Posted by penguinh View Post
I think I need to return to therapy but I'm afraid my therapist might reject me because the last time we tried Skype therapy sessions, it did not end well and he said he didn't want to do it again.

Possible trigger:


I already made an appointment for next week to change my medication.
Reach out to someone if you can. Please stay safe. You are cared about.
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Default Jul 18, 2019 at 11:06 PM
  #747
Today had to be the best day of this week. Except I had something happen to make me feel bad about myself. It was a little thing that happened at work. It was really nothing, but it was a big deal to me emotionally. I had been feeling like I'm losing my mind and can't do anything right like I used to.

One thing that happened at work today that lifted my spirits was that a woman co-worker just came in my room and gave me a packet of dried fruit & brown sugar (I use brown sugar for oatmeal) that was high-quality. It was very thoughtful of her! I really needed that more than anything else with the way this week had been going for me (needed the kindness more than the packets!).

On Tuesday, my friend came over in the late afternoon and spent the night with me. He was able to come over because his wife and daughter were going to a show near where I live. I really had a very nice time when he stayed with me.
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Default Jul 19, 2019 at 12:36 AM
  #748
No, but I was so close...

Daily Check In Thread: Ups & Downs #26
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Default Jul 19, 2019 at 03:27 AM
  #749
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Originally Posted by 2daffodils View Post
I'm sorry you're struggling. Have you thought about something to help you sleep? I know how I get without it, and yes it's like getting irritable and confused for me. There are natural things to start with, like cammomile tea, essential lavender oil, or melatonin. Getting enough sleep is important. Do you have a doctor to talk to about this?
Thanks for replying. I fall asleep fast usually but I wake up after maybe 2-3 hours later. I have general anxiety. It's constant. It's 3:15am I've been up since 12am. My son (23) came to my house very drunk tonight and said a couple of hurtful things to me and made me cry. He is my baby. Very sweet and good to his mom. So it made me cry and not want to go back to sleep. I'm still really irritable. I don't see a psychiatrist any more because I believe they need a psychiatrist more than I do. I've seen my therapist regularly for almost 13 years now. Really depressed now. My mom, brother and niece are here. I don't know how I'm going to hide this in the morning. I hate the mask we have to hide behind. But it's really not acceptable to tell people your depressed. I even lie about it occasionally to my therapist. I'll try and sleep now. I know it makes it worse when I don't sleep.
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Default Jul 19, 2019 at 05:01 AM
  #750
I know why nobody buys my books, it's because I'm an awful writer. Poorly written, incoherent crap.
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Default Jul 19, 2019 at 07:06 AM
  #751
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Depressed.
I am depressed too. Plus getting panic attacks. It sucks. Life seems to be a standstill.... sigh
 
 
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Default Jul 19, 2019 at 02:36 PM
  #752
I am doing Okay this afternoon. I've been busy with my art. Need a break now. I feel fine. Calm and relaxed. I did spend some time journaling. I might do some more.

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Default Jul 19, 2019 at 06:30 PM
  #753
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I know why nobody buys my books, it's because I'm an awful writer. Poorly written, incoherent crap.
Is it possible you’re being too hard on yourself? Sending warm wishes.
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Default Jul 19, 2019 at 11:28 PM
  #754
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Is it possible you’re being too hard on yourself? Sending warm wishes.
I don't think so. I've tried everything, changing covers, changing prices, keywords, search engine optimisation, all kinds of paid ads, nothing's worked.

This is the only thing I really have any hope for. It's literally the only thing I've ever been good at, and I'm no good at it. It takes a huge toll to work so hard on something for so many years and to not get anywhere.
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Default Jul 20, 2019 at 04:17 AM
  #755
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I don't think so. I've tried everything, changing covers, changing prices, keywords, search engine optimisation, all kinds of paid ads, nothing's worked.

This is the only thing I really have any hope for. It's literally the only thing I've ever been good at, and I'm no good at it. It takes a huge toll to work so hard on something for so many years and to not get anywhere.
Stay hopeful and keep striving. You'll get there. Just believe in yourself.

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Default Jul 20, 2019 at 11:24 AM
  #756
Feeling a bit depressed. Can't sleep, but really need to as I have a long day at work tomorrow.
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Default Jul 20, 2019 at 11:26 AM
  #757
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Thanks for replying. I fall asleep fast usually but I wake up after maybe 2-3 hours later. I have general anxiety. It's constant. It's 3:15am I've been up since 12am. My son (23) came to my house very drunk tonight and said a couple of hurtful things to me and made me cry. He is my baby. Very sweet and good to his mom. So it made me cry and not want to go back to sleep. I'm still really irritable. I don't see a psychiatrist any more because I believe they need a psychiatrist more than I do. I've seen my therapist regularly for almost 13 years now. Really depressed now. My mom, brother and niece are here. I don't know how I'm going to hide this in the morning. I hate the mask we have to hide behind. But it's really not acceptable to tell people your depressed. I even lie about it occasionally to my therapist. I'll try and sleep now. I know it makes it worse when I don't sleep.
I know, people don't like to see us depressed so it's easier to put on a mask. I'm sorry you're struggling. I have a son who is a worry, it's hard being a mom at any age they are. I wish you better days ahead! Hope you slept.
 
 
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Default Jul 20, 2019 at 11:48 AM
  #758
Woke up feeling depressed. Right now I'm just taking a coffee break from cleaning. I'm making good timing. The weather here is nice, but I don't feel all that great.

My friend is going away for a couple of weeks. He and his wife are leaving today. They are going on a Mississippi River cruise. He'll call me but it's not the same as at home.

At least today can be a better day than a week ago today with my neighborhood that got taken over
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Default Jul 20, 2019 at 01:10 PM
  #759
I've got to remember to chuck the past. I keep thinking, if only or what if.... it doesn't help. Got to work with what I have now. That's all we ever have. But I sure would be best to plan for a future where I don't depend on someone else for anything. Seems an impossiblity now.
 
 
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Default Jul 20, 2019 at 03:52 PM
  #760
A little bit of a tough day. Just tired and sort of grumpy. I don't think I got enough sleep last night. Trying to relax now. After all, it's the weekend.

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