[happysobercrafter]

Hi, everyone! I am doing okay today. I picked up my crochet hook and some yarn last night and it felt good in my hands. I haven't crafted in forever.

[will19]

A pretty good day for me. Cleaned my place this morning like I always do. My friend was going to visit me today by taking the bus, but he was not able to renew his bus card. He attempted to renew his bus card yesterday at a supermarket, but the computer systems were down. Well, I decided to go to his place instead. I felt like it was my turn to go to his house anyways. He gave me a rolling suitcase for my trip next month plus I picked out three DVDs out of a pile that he was going to give away. I don't have to go to the library for a while, which is nice. And we had a nice lunch.

Went shopping after that. Nothing exciting for the rest of the day and evening.

[3rd rock]

I'm not sure why I bother with this. My life will never get any better, it will only get worse. Even if I returned to work, all I would be doing is working to keep myself alive until such time as circumstances obviate that need, whether six years or sixty from now.

[3rd rock]

Tomorrow I will go to Tim Hortons and work on my current doorstop of a project over coffee and doughnuts. I refer to it as a doorstop because when the finished product comes out that'll be all it's good for. No one's going to read 230,000 words of crap.

[Deilla]

I'm irritated this morning. Not sure why. I thought I got enough rest. One cats been crying and the other is tearing up the house. I wish they would just sleep. Normally I'm calmer about these things, it's just I've been working on some challenging skills with my art. It's frustrating me. I guess maybe I can try some CBD oil. Maybe that will help me relax. I might want to invest in some valerian root I think. I believe I hear silence now. Perhaps there will be peace for a while.

I just feel so empty and ashamed.

[Sunflower123]

Struggling today. High depression and low motivation. Thoughts of self harm. Hope tomorrow is better.

[3rd rock]

Looking over my notes from earlier drafts, one note on a particular passage says: "rewrite to be better." Thanks, past me, that's very helpful.

[will19]

Not a good day today. I couldn't sleep at all last night because I got blowing my nose. Got a headache, too. And then I had some trouble being able to login to a bank, so I'll have to try tomorrow. My sister called, but it happened just as I had my lunch ready. And then the lunch was not that good.

Took a bike ride this afternoon. I was on the bike for 2 hours and 45 minutes. It seemed like a miracle since I wasn't feeling that good. Speaking of bike riding, my friend had called while I was gone. He left a message saying that he spoke to someone about a biking event. Believe it or not, those kinds of things don't interest me. I guess it's the crowds and hassle that doesn't appeal to me. My friend is the type that, when he thinks something is a good idea, he'll suggest it for me. And then when I turn it down, he'll argue. But also I feel like I'm in a rut because I seem to avoid things that can be exciting.

[Rose76]

A dark cloud is trying to swallow me up. My thinking is awful. Some hurtful treatment I received in the past from a family member is bothering me a lot.

I can't stand the present, and I see nothing good in the future. I can see bad things in the future. I've got to change something.

[will19]

A pretty good day today. I slept well last night, no nose blowing. Was fairly busy at work. I had a project that I dreaded this morning, but it worked out OK.

The down side of today was that I had a headache all day. I worked out after work and it went well. Despite having the headache, I worked out with it and it seemed like I had forgotten about the headache while working out.

[3rd rock]

Almost ready to give up. What's even the point of anything?

I'm getting depressed. Another fight. Will he change his mind in the morning? This is too much.

[3rd rock]

I asked a publication if they would be willing to review one of my books, and I finally got a response today. It simply read: "thank you for the email" in its entirety.

Glass half full, at least I got a reply!

[Deilla]

Feeling a little tired and depressed this morning. Not sure if I got enough sleep. I don't want to sleep right now. I want to do things. Might try to doodle for a bit and if the cats go to sleep, I'll paint. I guess now would be a good time to make some gratitude lists and listen to ocean waves.

Well I finally slept more than a few hours. I'm finally more relaxed with the idea that I no longer have a man friend, that's how I'll say it. Friendly..... he is not at all.
I don't know what the future holds, but I know we need to do what we know everyday, our best, that's all.

[3rd rock]

I've been avoiding making a phone call since Monday. I have to make it by the end of the week. I'll make it tonight when I'm sure not to get a response and thus leave only a message, or tomorrow during the day.

Very down tonight. It's like I was built up in his mind just to bring me down. I know I have some big faults. He brought them all up again. I know that I'm not good enough anymore for anyone. I feel so very alone, yet there are people who'd be willing to help me but I don't know them, nor is it a good idea at all.
I have to stay with this man until I can figure out where to go. I feel like I'm suffocating but I know this is supposed to be natural to get over.
He does. Why was I born so sensitive? I want to be someone who can throw up their hands and say "I just don't care anymore, and I can do this on my own."
I've been through so much that not one single person could understand from my view.

I want to start writing a book. Get my own little space. Yet I love him even though he's not loving me anymore. I want out... I'm not talking about completely out of this life, but at times, I feel like it would be peace. Peace for others as well. I'm only hurting myself more by not getting over this.

[will19]

Was very busy at work this morning because of putting things away in the auditorium. It took about two hours because there were a lot of tables and chairs to put away. Had a big group of 120 people in the last three days.

Very slow in the afternoon. That time period dragged and it seemed like there was no one at the place I work at. Moments like that make me think a lot about myself and I feel that it's not a good thing for me.

Went on a bike ride after work instead of working out. I had posted a thread about what had happened; that someone downstairs from me complained to the manager about hearing a lot of noise. I still feel very down about it.

[Deilla]

Not sure how I feel this morning. One minute I'm up and the next I'm down. I've very sensitive this morning. I think I will listen to some positive affirmations to start my day. Then do some yoga. I hope that helps me to have a good day.