[will19]

There's still no internet connection at home since Sunday night. I got a new modem but it didn't solve the problem! Aw shucks! The internet company said that the connection was fine but my laptop is the problem. So I will have to call the laptop company tonight. I'm dreading it. I hate making those phone calls. It's a possibility I may have to buy a new laptop.

Other than that, I'm feeling OK but a bit stressed with just purchasing a new camera and having to buy some accessories with it. And I will be going away on a trip in two weeks and two days. I'm anxious about that. I'm hoping things will be all in place by the time I leave.

I've had very anxious dreams all week.

[will19]

Well I am back online now at home! So the problem has been solved. So nice to have it back now. I didn't miss it terribly, but I probably would have this weekend. At least I got to see what I wanted to see at work.

My friend is away until the 27th. The day after that, I will be away for a week. I'm looking forward to my trip but having some anxiety about it.

[Buffy01]

I wish that I didn't feel so down!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by will19

There's still no internet connection at home since Sunday night. I got a new modem but it didn't solve the problem! Aw shucks! The internet company said that the connection was fine but my laptop is the problem. So I will have to call the laptop company tonight. I'm dreading it. I hate making those phone calls. It's a possibility I may have to buy a new laptop.

Other than that, I'm feeling OK but a bit stressed with just purchasing a new camera and having to buy some accessories with it. And I will be going away on a trip in two weeks and two days. I'm anxious about that. I'm hoping things will be all in place by the time I leave.

I am sorry that you are struggling right now! That sounds frustrated!

[Seafarer]

Originally Posted by will19

Well I am back online now at home! So the problem has been solved. So nice to have it back now. I didn't miss it terribly, but I probably would have this weekend. At least I got to see what I wanted to see at work.

My friend is away until the 27th. The day after that, I will be away for a week. I'm looking forward to my trip but having some anxiety about it.

I feel sympathy for your anxiety. At the same time, your post gave me some perspective, into memories of life as it is for people who have money. You talk of possibly having to buy a new computer after recently buying a camera and accessories, plus planning a trip.

Sometimes it seems to me that people who are able to buy things they need, or just want; people who are able to travel; must not have any anxiety about anything at all.

But that's not the case. While I sit at home wishing I could travel, wishing I could move away from here, it gives me a different perspective to realize that even having freedom to have and to do doesn't mean a person is free of anxiety.

[Seafarer]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I wish that I didn't feel so down!

I wish you didn't too.

[The_Bear]

Rose, that sounds like a really difficult situation. I've never had to care for anyone in that condition, but I can imagine what a tough time it must be. Reading what you wrote really puts my own problems into perspective, which in comparison are not that bad at all.

Sending best wishes. Hang in there.

Originally Posted by Rose76

In desperation to interrupt this depressive downward spiral (and to avoid 2 hours in the kitchen this eve) I got my S.O. and myself out to dinner. It was a steakhouse and we were both hungry. It was good to see him eat quite heartily. The steaks were tasty. But he's awfully frail.

Watching his slow, relentless deterioration is excruciating. He doesn't complain. I admire that. At least he enjoyed what he ate. I have to find ways to put more joy in our daily lives. After dinner, we stopped somewhere else for ice cream. I wanted us to do something normal, after too much time cooped up at home. To watch someone leaving this life, bit by bit, everyday . . . for so long. Why it has to be so slow. He was confused. His dementia has gotten worse. Driving to the restaurant, I had to explain twice where we were going. Another hunk of his mind has left. He's been leaving me, even while he's still here. I can't hold on to him. I can't hold him together. I can't hold on to him tight enough. He's slipping away. But he wanted to please me tonight. It's so hard for him to move, but he tries. People help. Someone held a door. Someone held his chair, while I got him up from the booth. Patrons. Other customers always notice and offer help. But some employees can be such boneheads. A hostess and someone else in the lobby, just idly chatting, while I'm struggling to open a door and push a wheelchair through at the same time, right in front of them. I guess it's how they were raised.

I feel so bad that I've been so depressed and letting the both of us just vegetate lately. But I got us out this evening. That was something . . . an improvement. Now I could straighten some stuff out before going to bed. I have to stop being lazy and not caring about anything. I wish I knew of some caregiver support group. I'm too isolated. He sleeps most of the morning and early afternoon. There's no explaining this - that I'm alone a lot, even when I'm with him. People who might know better don't even think to call and offer a brief chat. They say, "Let me know if I can do anything for you." One person does call. Just one person . . . who lost her spouse to sudden, grave illness. She knows. Everyone else just stays clueless.

Mornings are awful. So I should plan what I'll do tomorrow.

[The_Bear]

I am in the process of getting off Paroxetine (AKA Seroxat) which I have been on for 4 and a half years. I plan to post in here with progress updates.

I'm into the 7th day now and at 60% of my normal dosage. When I get down to 50% I will stay there for a couple of weeks to allow myself time to adjust. It's not a good idea to rush this.

So far, the effects have been minimal. I'm a bit more down than usual in the mornings, but carrying on with life as normal, including work, exercise, daily tasks, etc. Hopefully this will continue.

[kumy]

I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired of everything right now. My dad is getting worse, I don't think he will see the new year and I don't have any more strength to continue fighting.

[will19]

Originally Posted by Seafarer

I feel sympathy for your anxiety. At the same time, your post gave me some perspective, into memories of life as it is for people who have money. You talk of possibly having to buy a new computer after recently buying a camera and accessories, plus planning a trip.

Sometimes it seems to me that people who are able to buy things they need, or just want; people who are able to travel; must not have any anxiety about anything at all.

But that's not the case. While I sit at home wishing I could travel, wishing I could move away from here, it gives me a different perspective to realize that even having freedom to have and to do doesn't mean a person is free of anxiety.

To Seafarer, thank you for replying. I have fairly good amount of money for myself now, but it's weird that I can feel insecure about it. I have recently started a post about myself on this on the Insurance And Finances forum.

I feel a little bit guilty about this since other people are struggling with finances. As you may know, there had been successful people who have ended their lives. I read an article just recently that depression is very common among those who work in high-paying positions. There must be anxiety that goes along with it; since anxiety and depression go hand and hand.

It seems like the world is not a safe and secure place. Good amounts of money can just vanish quickly, even from those who are wise and sensible with their money. I live in an area where the rents are high and homelessness abounds. I live in a pretty nice small apartment house that's surrounded by high-rises that are selling just condo units for 1-2 million dollars each (no kidding!). So it's intimidating to me. And then I could lose my job or have a catastrophic health issue happen to me. I am pretty much up there in age now.

I've been feeling better about everything. I've got my cat, guitar and food. I'm going to make my life work for me. I'm trying.

[Seafarer]

Originally Posted by 2daffodils

I've been feeling better about everything. I've got my cat, guitar and food. I'm going to make my life work for me. I'm trying.

You sound like me. I have my cat, guitar, food, and a roof over our heads. I'm trying to make our lives work for us. Cat seems happy enough, if sometimes bored. Guitar is probably feeling neglected in its case.

Thank you for the perspective.

[Rose76]

I'm okay. Felt good last eve.

Life is too hard.
Im getting silent treatment at work.
im barely getting by.
im ruminating over what happened in the past.
I am not going to get promoted. it feels like life is fruitless.
I don't only have street parking. I work the night shift so I get home in the early hours. I only can get bad parking spots by the school, where I have to move my car by 630am. when I skateboard home at night there are crimes going on and shady people.
I hate my job and my coworkers.
I can barely afford to live alone.
Adulting is so hard. Hourly wages don't cover any expenses like the did for older generations.
I don't have any fight.
I don't have parents to help me with my car or my rent or to give me info about how to find apartments or buy cars. I did it all alone.
something is truly wrong with me. my failures are because I am empty uninspired and lazy.
I am completely alone. I don't have anything in common with others.

[will19]

I have not been sleeping well at night lately. I get to sleep quickly but then wake up in the middle of the night and it's hard to fall back to sleep. I would fall into a good sleep when it's only an hour away of when I have to get up. Also I've been having a headache all day and still having it now. Feeling like bad things are going to happen, even though there's nothing coming up to dread.

in quite a bit of fibro pain. have been since monday

still, trying to make an effert to get things done (things that don't require too much movement, alexa quiz, eat, etc)

kinda depressed though- jus been another **** week to put it bluntly

[3rd rock]

I found a feather from my pet Lovebird under the couch while cleaning today. She died several months ago, after I'd had her for many years. She was my only friend. She was very devoted and affectionate, which is why they're called Lovebirds. Finding her feather today made me intensely sad and painful. I shouldn't be feeling so sad after all the time that's passed, but I can't help it.

[kumy]

It's ok to still feel sad about it, 3rd rock. There's not a stipulated amount of time during which you are allowed to mourn her. You will be able to remember the good times with her without the sadness, but that will come on its own. Do not try to change your emotions....

[Rose76]

I am very depressed today. I just broke down crying. I don't even know why.

Not much sleep last night.