Our inner snake...

Excellent post dear Thirty shades. Much respect to you and your snake

A snake with her cub. (snakelet)

Even snakes need a little love.

I know this inner snake well. I keeps me in constant fear of my failures. Which makes unable get past them
to not feel inferior of others. I have lost respect for myself for where I have put myself. I had an ok job, managed it. Did not think about myself as not being able to not live on my own and care for myself. I had a breakdown and have not got up or over, this happened about a year and a half or more. I had to turn to my parents for help, who help me get back on track many times. This time is the worst i have dealt with in over 20 years. As I was struggling in the beginning I was told to find another job, with no hope in myself with doing one. I considered disability and got ridiculed by my mother. I would try to get my feelings out of everything about what I've done to get myself in worst place in my life. Well Your going to be on disability journaling your life all the time. Now I obsessively feel very still journal hoping to problem solve to know avail. Well since ii felt forced I had no choice to get one. I woulld and continue to deal criticism from others. This and telling myself I can't deal with it in the emotional fragile state I'm still in. So I got a job so I could continue to stay with them, since it is what my parents wanted me to do. This job has me overwhelmed every day with I cant keep dealing the perfection critic, fear of mistakes, my failing my parents, my dog, this all keeps me so damn depressed. If only had not did this, etc. I would not be suffering so much. Work has added so much handle on top of what was dealing with, and still does. My mind, critic is right there to remind me how I'd up, still are. I give in to it, because I have beaten myself down. Giving in is wanting to not wake up and face my critic going every waking minute. I would like to find some to correspond back and forth for some support. I am not a type of person to be disrespectful, respect all of someone's privacy.

Welcome to the thread WantPeaceofMind.

I am sorry that things are so difficult for you. It is awful when others control you and you cannot look after yourself they way you deserve. The pain is intense isn't it....

Our inner snake can be very hard on us. Your parents attitude towards you (most likely also while growing up) perhaps programmed your snake to behave this way. I have Complex PTSD with very severe depressive episodes. Reactive depression. Like you I struggle with every day life and I no longer work. My ongoing depression improved when I understood where it originated from. Anxiety and the emotional pain haunt me dragging me down.

It is hard for us to stay true to ourselves and raise our self esteem when faced with the situations we find ourselves.

I am in the UK so it is hard to understand your social system.

Have you tried self compassion, kindness and love?

Sending hugs to you