loneliness/emptiness

I just want people to talk to. To hang out with. To have an attachment figure again. The silence is too loud.

It feels like there's no one to reach out to anymore. Too many conversations end with me feeling worse about myself. I just don't know how much longer I can survive like this.

I lost most of my real life support when I needed it the most. And since it was because I was a bad person is what hurts the most. I thought I understood why I deserved this, but I don't know anymore...

I do not connect with people. I have little sense of self...my self is not accepted by others I've attached to and so it has disappeared. I was still struggling to get used to human touch when my attachment figure who would use physical affection with me abandoned me. Now I'll have to start over getting used to it...if anyone is affectionate with me again. I honestly didn't realize it was a need, but I'm so behind everyone else in it that no one would want to deal with it.

It's just so empty and lonely here in the silence. Even around people it's empty. Why do I continue to "exist"? I don't feel like I exist. Not really.

Even the one person who showed me affection eventually withheld it because I had done something wrong. Or would go no contact with me for a week because I did something wrong. Abandonment and withholding affection for punishment. Why would I ever trust anyone again?

I do not like talking about myself that much, but apparently, I have to in a conversation. I'd like to, but I feel ashamed of or afraid for my safety in sharing just about anything about me. I do not want to give an opinion. I'm wrong. I don't want to know what interests we have in common...clearly, the other person knows more or is better at whatever it is. I don't want to be reminded of my inferiority.

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone. I can relate. Hugs

I am so lonely it literally hurts sometimes. Yet I also value my solitude, it’s kinda weird and conflicting. I just wish I had another person around sometimes. Just a human who wouldn’t pressure me to be social but would just make me feel less alone. I eat out more often than I should just because it gives me human contact. I love to sit in coffee shops because people are around but I don’t feel pressured to interact with them.

I am also so lonely it hurts. I have to cause physical pain to lessen it sometimes.

But I also very much want to be social. Sitting in a coffee shop doesn't meet my needs because I'm not interacting with people. I just try to distract myself by doing work constantly since there's rarely anything else fun to do. As much as I need to interact with people, I'm rarely comfortable enough to do so. Or they don't notice me. A day alone is excruciating. I suspect I may be an extrovert, but I'm mostly isolated. Especially since I lost my person. I don't know how I could ever get over that.

I’m so very sorry you’re going through this. I know how much loneliness can hurt.

Loneliness never truly ends either. Whenever I get close to someone, there's always something about me that isn't acceptable. It doesn't matter how many years we've been close. How can I even get to know people in the future? I feel uncomfortable telling anyone anything about me. I mean, I hate when people ask me about myself. It feels like I'm being interrogated. I don't know the right answers.

I feel uncomfortable even answering the question of what is my name. Do I go with my given name which doesn't really fit and I don't like but most people know or do I go with a nickname I'm never been brave enough to use before but would fit my identity better? I would much rather people either not use a name or just make one up for me. They'll do that anyway (no really, I get called the wrong name or get my name misspelled all the time). I go late to meetups just to avoid having to introduce myself, but someone inevitably asks, putting me on the spot.

Hey Skulls&Crossbones, I have felt and also feel many times like this. The emptiness. Sorry you are going through this. No right answer, I sometimes walk and take a cold shower, and talk to you guys. It helps me.

Sending you many hugs

I just found this forum today, because I feel so lonely and incapable of keeping my mind calm. I can sometimes have interactions with others and feel so much better, but then I am inevitably let down, because I create too much expectation. I completely get your self-doubt. I feel so inadequate with others, and I also feel like a liar, like I'm faking being both competent and happy. You are helping yourself to reach out here. Like me, I guess. Sending hugs.

Another two days in a row by myself. How do people survive this?

I mean, what's the point of being alive if you have no one you feel comfortable with telling about something GOOD that happened? Let alone when you don't have anyone to hang out with and experience life with.

Based on most people's definition of friends, I wouldn't have any friends. And I really don't. I won't be dating again, which was my only shot in having someone to hang out with. I won't have a family now and no one/nothing outside of my job once I've finished the classes and get a job in my new career path.

I had to leave my last job in order to take the necessary classes...and my long time significant other had to leave right after that. Why not wait until I had a better job to fill my time or he got a job in another state? Why set us both up to be lonely and miserable. It's not like either one of us will find anyone else.

Hi Mate, speaking as a lonely wolf like you, who doesn’t have a pack either. I can just say don’t lose hope. I am also in the darkness at times and try to look for the light. And may be this light is not something we can wait for rather we need to spark it, like an old engine that doesn’t work, take out each part and replace some with new ones, keep the core parts which is the you inside but make them better, slowly figuring out the new you. And most likely you will get up and running again, all you needed is a few spare parts, some effort to repair the damaged areas and you will be back on your feet. This perhaps then will give you many “AHA” moments to put you on a positive spiral, changing how you see things, how you communicate, how you do things. The new better version of you is out there mate and I am saying this to me as well every minute of every day. And it does work. Perhaps we will be up and running at the same time. Keep the hope my friend and know that you are not alone in this journey. Many polar bear hugs!

I can't even talk to other people anymore...it just makes me feel more ashamed to be me, to be alive. I regret living past 25. My life ended then. And now on top of that, I had to experience what I thought was someone who loved me (probably a lie though) so NOW I KNOW WHAT I'M MISSING.

But anyone replying will just say they're happier single, but that DOES NOT HELP. That makes me feel more ASHAMED for having needs. For having wants which are apparently just so wrong to have.

I'm wrong, I'm stupid, I'm a loser, WHATEVER. QUIT BULLYING ME.

Well, it's been three days essentially on my own. It's slightly better today I guess, but the silence really bothers me. I'm just so done with this school crap. I just want to go back to working full time...something with a consistent schedule so my sleep and eating don't get messed up. Then I can be around people everyday again too...

((((Skull&Crossbones))))

You are never alone here at PC....

Love your inner child, perhaps some company can be found within.....

I am having so much trouble being motivated. I have to get so far ahead in my classes because they're going to pile on a huge amount of work the same week that I'm busiest this semester.

I'm just so burned out. I don't really find joy in much of this. I find joy mostly in belonging and well, getting my basic needs met.

It looks like one of the only ways I can "belong" to people is to just be used. How does anyone ever make a mutually beneficial friendship/relationship anyway?

(((((((((( hugs ))))))))))

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Skulls&Crossbones Please remember that you're not a bad person. There are many wonderful people in this world who are lonely, but that doesn't make them any less wonderful. For many people it's hard to understand some of the kindest, more sensitive souls like you or many other people here on PC. It doesn't make you a bad person. You're a wonderful person who's struggling right now. I'm so sorry. It must be very hard. Remember that you're not alone here on PC. We all care about you. We all love you here. Keep writing here if it helps. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. You know we will never judge you. You're a wonderful person. I hope you'll be able to find someone who will truly accept you and love you for who you truly are. You deserve it. You deserve to be loved just like everyone else. Try to hang on. Remember that things won't stay like this forever. They can and will get better. Please don't give up. You have so much more to give to this world. You will get better. You just need to believe in yourself a little bit. You're a wonderful person. Stay strong, Skulls&Crossbones. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this