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Old 03-20-2019, 04:53 PM   #21
CepheidVariable
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Default Re: Are apathy and social disinterest a sign of depression?

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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
I do have panic attacks and the usual physical symptoms. Other than that this is close to where I am. Clinically depressed and perpetually denied the life that
others experience... and with the label of avoidant which may well be accurate. I only relate to one person irl, everyone else is completely indifferent to me.. at best I have no idea how to change this. People just don’t like me and I don’t “whine” irl or even talk... So it isn’t because I’m “a negative person” .. they judge me as soon as they see me usually

Sorry for the rant
Panic attacks sound awful.

It didn't sound like a rant from here. Just you talking about what it's like for you.
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Old 03-24-2019, 09:13 AM   #22
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Default Re: Are apathy and social disinterest a sign of depression?

Does anyone have advice on how I can 1.) overcome this and 2.) be kind to myself when it does happen (which is often)?

I honestly don't think it's going to go away unless I find a way around it, work hard and long to change it, or just accept it. (Edit: I see a 4th avenue too, which is to find more things, even 1 thing, where I'm like a "wholehearted yes" about it, or at least a mostly wholehearted yes.)

Today I have no motivation to change myself. I feel especially guilty because I said I'd "See someone tomorrow at church" and today is tomorrow and I'm totally not going to church.

It makes me think how much like an animal I really am. I have my own rules and do what I want. I'm super unbending about it too. I don't want to say stubborn, because I want to change. But I'm super resistant when it comes to this sometimes.

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Old 03-24-2019, 11:45 AM   #23
CepheidVariable
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Default Re: Are apathy and social disinterest a sign of depression?

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Does anyone have advice on how I can 1.) overcome this and 2.) be kind to myself when it does happen (which is often)?
Well, let me think ...

[brief intermission, elevator music plays]

1. You said you are super resistant and that you don't know why. You might want to try various ways of exploring that the next time it happens. What are the things you are really feeling and thinking in that moment? I find it harder to do after the fact. Hopefully your therapist can give you some guidance on this.

So, what happens internally when the time comes to go, say, to the church? Knowing why would help.

For some things, maybe the social aspect is important to you -- but the rest may not be. That may not be enough motivation. So, try to find social events that really line up with something you truly want to do anyways. Try to find an activity or hobby that can be done socially (even if not normally). That might give you the extra bit of energy.

I don't know if this relates, but, I overthink things. I try to tell myself it will be alright. And if it isn't -- that's alright too. Some days and some things are just meh. You usually don't feel bad for trying -- which leads to ...

2. I find this hard. My family was supportive in their own way, but not emotionally -- at least not in any way that connected with me. I've never felt very connected to people. I've never been in a relationship. So, I don't truly know what it is to feel acceptance and kindness, or love. I haven't felt that kind of closeness from others and so I struggle to even know how provide it for myself. I can treat myself to something, or take a rest, or try to comfort myself, but it never feels like anything meaningful.

So, like other things, I try to do little steps at a time. First, do no harm. I try not to be so hard on myself. If I can't do anything else, I at least aim for this.

I try to adapt and re-direct. That is, find something else positive (preferably not avoidant) to do with my time and energy.

I try to do things not because "I have to", but because I might feel better if I do. Because I should deserve to have a life as much as the next person. So I try for gentle striving, not harsh goading. That's really hard to internalize -- and not just for me, based on what I hear from others. So I try to gently push forward as best I can.

I realize that's all kind of vague, and not a set of instructions you can just follow or tell someone. But life doesn't work like that does it?
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Old 03-24-2019, 11:59 AM   #24
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Default Re: Are apathy and social disinterest a sign of depression?

Thanks Cepheid. I did actually wake up, plan to go to church, got dressed, showered, and actually drove out there to go, and then I drove past it and went to my parents house. I used to do this often. I don't know why I did it. It felt good. I didn't really feel like going, or didn't actually want to go. I don't know why. I was imagining people in my meditation circle who I was going to have to see. I felt like this: "Ugh." I felt bored. That's the truth. I do feel a bit of anxiety too, being in a large group of people for church. (edit: I don't always feel that way about them. Especially when faced with them. They are good people. Then I feel guilty about feeling "ugh" about them. It's so weird, I know)

So I drove to my parents house and then I did end up heading over to church because they congregate afterwards, and I told someone specifically that I would give him something (church related) that day, and I wanted to follow through. So I did, and I was only briefly there and left. I literally did not want to be there AND I felt super awkward. I felt like a liar, being there. Because I didn't want to be there.

My mother said I should try to get the mentality of: "I have to go, I have no choice." It's a possibility it could help, but probably not. I know I have a choice. (edit: I could try it)

I had a therapist who said to me that she'd like to see me do more things I ACTUALLY want to do, when the time comes to do it. Most of these things have nothing to do with really socializing. But one thing, is a jewelry making class. I took it in the spring of 2017. I could try it out again and see how it goes.

Ceph, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that socialization may not be enough for me as a motivator. The jewelry making class costs money, but I could do it if I wanted.

Edit: I often feel that because of this issue, something is wrong with me. Maybe it's just that something is different about me. Maybe I should honor that. I know that connection is important for human survival, me included! I get lonely! Someone told me yesterday actually, in terms of learning disabilities, for example, if you have issues reading...find books on tape. It doesn't matter how you get the information. Basically, find another way. Maybe that's what I will have to do too.

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Old 03-24-2019, 02:19 PM   #25
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Default Re: Are apathy and social disinterest a sign of depression?

Also I just want to say that 1. I don't expect anyone else to...solve this for me. Sometimes I just need support. 2. I do enjoy the company of others. I usually like smaller numbers. And I'm great one on one. and 3. There are some things I do really well. I religiously go to therapy and take my medication, I never miss doctor's appointments, I continually go to DBT group even though it's hard, and I push myself to go to my language class even when I don't want to.

Thanks for listening
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Old 03-24-2019, 09:43 PM   #26
CepheidVariable
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Default Re: Are apathy and social disinterest a sign of depression?

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Sure thing.
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