I can't take this anymore

Your struggle is just as real as anybody else’s. You’re not dumping on us. Don’t apologize. You’re giving us all the opportunity to help you. You’ve helped many of us and most people like to be able to return that friendship. This is the place for venting our emotions. I don’t like to talk to anybody IRL about this stuff either. I don’t even feel comfortable opening up to a therapist either. It’s really hard trying to figure out what you want to do for your career. You can get burnt out and exhausted with school. One thing I’m certain of is this: you are capable of far more than you realize. That is the one major thing I have learned in life. Please PM me if you need to talk.

Mickey,

with this very post you have showed us and to yourself too that you CAN talk, share your issues and your feelings. YOU CAN. you already did it!

of course you couldnt keep it all bottled inside. you did very well by sharing it here. i'll say it again, im SO proud of you!

maybe your T isnt a good match for you. maybe you could try with someone else. as someone here said, i think its normal for you to be unable to share much with your parents though.

As for this being your fault, i dont believe its so simple. maybe its your way of making sense of your feelings, but your fault, no.
You just havent found the right people. its not so easy to make good friendships at school or at university. and most people of your age is so dumb. you are very sensitive and loving and caring and brilliant. it might make it difficult for you to make friendships and socialize, but its definately a point in your favor, not against you. it will help you finding the right people.

i dont understand why you feel like by talking you'd humiliate yourself. can you explain it? really. PLEASE.
you know you are not judged here. thats what maybe helped you opeing up. what about your T? do you feel like he/she is judging you?

you ARE strong, you are. being sensitive as you are in this world, takes a lot of courage. sharing your feelings here has taken a lot of courage too. you ARE strong. and you CAN do it. you can do whaterver you want actually.

you are suffering from loneliness a lot. im so sorry about that. but you can do something about it. its not the only thing you'll experience in your life. unless you isolate yourself. finding new friends is easier if you are open to meeting new people and just throw yourself in, without judging yourself too much. the only one judging you is you. try not to care too much about what others think of you. only you know you. only you know your story. what others think is not as relevant as what YOU think of yourself.

im so glad you have found this forum and you can share here and help others and let others help you. maybe it can alleviate a bit your loneliness. and help you finding your path in life.

keep talking. the more you talk the more you'll be able to be aware of whats hurting you and you'll be able to do something about it. you'll find a way. if you want to.

take this in. you CAN be honest, you CAN ask for help, you CAN talk about your feelings and thoughts. you CAN. you did it.

i do want to be around you. i cant do it physically, but im here. we are here. we all love and care about you so much. you're such a gentle loving person. you do deserve all the best and i hope we can help you even if just a little bit, as you always help us here. we are happy if we can help you even just by listening. we are here for you. we love you. keep talking. i mean it. KEEP TALKING. you said you want to work on yourself. great! keep talking!!!!

Lots of love,

Thank you all so much for listening to me, guys You're all wonderful people. I don't deserve all of this support from all of you. Thank you so much. Your posts and your kindness almost makes me cry. I guess I'm just afraid I'll be judged for my problems. Perhaps I don't want to betray other people's trust. They believe in me, they believe I'm strong, but I'm not, and I'm afraid to tell them the truth I'm afraid to disappont my parents, my T, everyone. I'd have to admit that I'm a failure. It's just so hard for me. Perhaps I'm just discouraged and I'm convinced things won't get any better. Things haven't been working out for now. Pehraps they won't work out in the future as well. I'm just so tired. I'm tired of hiding and running away. But the alternative scares me so much. I'm so sorry if I'm being such a loser or such a whiny person. Thank you all so much for being here for me. You deserve all the love and kindness of the world. You're all wonderful people. Sending many hugs to everyone

((((((((( Mickey )))))))))
You aren’t a loser or a whiny person, you’ve helped me so many times and I hope I can help you a bit as well. You don’t judge others, and you deserve not to be judged.. I think that is how life is supposed to work
(It hasn’t always worked that way for me but life sucks sometimes )

Things not having worked out in the past is absolutely not a predictor of how things will work out in the present or future. It shows that you’re a wonderful, empathic person that you’re concerned about disappointing people. I hope that some day you’ll see that you’re a wonderful and strong person and that you’ll one day find the happiness you so much deserve. Until then I’m here for you

You are one of the best people on this forum. This would not be the same thing without you.

You are at the point of your life where is some insecurity and you do not feel comfortable. Every change is hard and asking for more effort.

YOU will find your way.. I belive in you. It is just a bad moment. :

Mickey,

nobody has the right to judge you. the only one who has the right to judge you is YOU. and its the only judgement that matters.

We all believe in you. you showed it here that you ARE strong. but even if you werent strong right now (it can change!), you can become strong. you can become anything you want.

would you have thought 2-3 years ago that you'd have met all these people here and that we'd all love you and care about you? you can do the same IRL.

Keep talking, keep venting for as long as you need it. Everbody has moments like this, where we are lost and insecure and we dont love ourselves. it can change. you proved it here. you can change. your life can change. at the right moment, when you'll be ready. keep taking steps, even if only baby steps. you're still moving forward.

takecare

Good morning, dear Mickey,

I'm reading this thread at a little after 11 in the morning (where I am, at least), and something occurs to me.

Honey, if you're stuck, or you FEEL stuck, and it sounds like you are, how about if you just try to hold still with it and say to yourself, "I'm stuck. I'm STUCK. I don't feel like I can move forward or back, I'm STUCK." Don't go into the future, don't go into the past, just be STUCK. That's perfectly OK. It's not the end of the world, and no one outside of you (and us on the forum, maybe) has to know about it.

If that's where you are, that's where you are.

Oh, and sorry about the gender faux pas. I guess I'm so used to looking at the picture on your profile that I made that assumption (!)

I just happened on this thread. And I doubt I would have any words of wisdom to offer that haven't already been written here. But I wanted to add my support.

I also thought I would say that I know all about not being able to ask for help... not being able to share what's going on with me. I grew up at a time, & in a place, where you "didn't wash your dirty laundry in public." (Perhaps this is how you grew up too?) Somehow I learned, at a very early age, that there were things about myself I must never tell anyone. And so I didn't.

Over the decades a bit of my true self has leaked out despite my best efforts. But even there I've done my best to sneak back into the closet, so to speak, & close the door. I even find it almost impossible to share anything of any real consequence here on PC. And when I do, on occasion, I become embarrassed & pretty-much just shut down.

I don't know how one overcomes this. But my hope for you is that, in some way, you will be able to find a way to do so. My fondest wishes are with you...

I wanted to add to Skeezyks’ post that I believe I grew up about the same time as he did, and have considerable resistance to sharing my innermost feelings. I’ve been in many therapy groups where I’ve made it excrutiatingly difficult for myself by OVER-sharing. That’s maybe something you learn by experience, to honor your own boundaries and not screw yourself over by forcing what is really not comfortable for you.

After all, there are many ways you can learn and grow without chewing up the furniture, even here on this forum. ❤️

CARO Mickey, non disperare e inizia la tua battaglia.
Probabilmente come Greta, la ragazza che oggi ha fatto smuovere il mondo, anche tu hai semplicemente una sindrome che ti blocca, che ti ha bloccato in passato. cerca di farlo scoprire al tuo terapista.
e poi, leggendo i tuoi post, mi sembra che il tuo problema sia dire la verità ai tuoi genitori, al tuo terapista..e' vero e' duro da fare, ma devi reagire, scegli uno di questi ed inizia a parlare, o anche a scrivergli,così come hai fatto su questo gruppo su internet. vedrai che ti sentirai più libero, sarà una inizio della battaglia.
Se non riesci con i tuoi genitori, non hai un'altra persona in famiglia di cui ti fidi, un parente, non so un cugino, uno zio, una zia, una persona a cui potresti dire tutto cio'? Pensaci e se non ti viene in mente nessuno, ma spero di no, allora scrivi ai tuoi genitori, ti aiuteranno sicuramente.
aspetto tue notizie, mi raccomando. anche io ho un sacco di problemi con il sociale, ma dobbiamo combattere. forza mickey!

(((MickeyCheeky)))

You haven't done anything worth saying we didn't "deserve". All you did was say how much you hurt and how much trouble you are having. I'm glad you got this off your chest somewhere.

I've been in all those places. All of them.

When you find safe people ... and your therapist should be safe ... you can tell them. They've heard it before. They know people can fear telling them things for months and years. You are not the only one. It's okay. *You* are okay.

And please don't be afraid to talk here of all places. We are proud of you for posting this; We know how terribly hard it is.

Mickey you know I adore you. And you know that I had rotator cuff surgery so this won't be as long as I'd like it to be. You have been so generous and helpful for me since I have joined the forum. You have intervened for me when necessary and you have done nothing but support me. I have seen you do nothing but support other people. Maybe that's not a fair hobby to have and maybe it's not a hobby at all but it certainly is an amazing skill to possess.

I have no idea what is wrong with you, but I can try to thank you for supporting me. What you tell me, my professors tell me also.

You can always find a girlfriend. You're young, you're 20. You've like twenty years to spend your life trying to find a girlfriend and still be young.

Same goes for socializing and having friends. I don't have many either, but none of it matters, friends come and go. It's you, and also God, who's with you always.

You don't like anything, you're disinterested, you're bored? It may be a childhood issue... you'll find something you enjoy.

By your posts, it sounds like you're depressed. Illness never speaks the truth, never the 100% absolute truth. Things are either a stretch or a complete lie.

Can I predict your future? No, but as you've always told me, "Things can get better.."

I am so sorry if all of this does not appeal to you, but that's all I can say to try to help you.

Remember, you're also smart. Cause honestly my professors who have a PhD tell me the same things you do.

I don't know how to thank you all for the love and support. Thank you all so much. Your comments help a lot more than you think. I'm so sorry if I don't have much to add. Just thank you all. You're all wonderful people and you all deserve the best from life. Thank you so much for being here. I'm so grateful to have met all of you. Thank you all. Sending many hugs to everyone

I am also grateful to have met you, even if it's over the internet. It really means something. Thanks. You inspire me to be kept dedicated to my research.