[Humpty Dumpty]

I am tired of fighting to stay alive, yet I am too scared to seek active measures to end my life. Why can't I just be a part of some major disaster? A mass shooting, tornado, plane crash, deadly traffic accident? I guess there is no easy way out for a coward. Too scared to do anything about my current situation. Too scared to seek help. Too scared to end it. So I just sit here. Paralyzed by fear. Only talking about doing something just like an attention seeker. I would say I can't hold on much longer but the truth of the matter is I don't have a choice.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((( Humpty Dumpty )))))))
I don’t think you’re an attention seeker. I think your pain and dilemma is real. I have reason not to trust doctors (sigh) (personal experiences with medical stuff and their words and other mistakes as well as psych :-( ) and I’m very scared of them now (sigh) ) (irl) I realise this may make me “unpopular” with a few. I’ve tried to have empathy for their lack of time etc. But their words etc still haunt and hurt me. I could of course judge myself and blame myself for all of it

And that could well push me closer to the “edge” or even off the edge if I relentlessly blame myself for not being a perfect “patient” or a “perfect person” (does such a specimen even exist )
(I live in the uk and someone told me its “every bit as bad” elsewhere. (I didn’t find that helpful ) Sadly I guess it is, for some

I guess I’m stuck too You have my sympathy

Sorry for the rant

I hope you find your way out As to how, I don’t know.. other than the standard recommendations which we both have heard many times. (mostly meaning meds :-( )

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand how you feel, Humpty Dumpty I completely agree with what Fuzzybear has already wisely said better than I ever could. It's not your fault. You're a wonderful person. Please don't give up. You're NOT a coward. You're a strong person who's doing his best to survive. That makes you VERY strong, much stronger than you believe. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I'm so sorry doctors haven't been helpful to you. I hope you'll be able to get the help you need and deserve some day. You deserve it. You don't deserve to suffer like this. I hope things will get better soon for you. Please don't give up. We're here for you if you need to talk about it. We'll listen to what you have to say. We all care about you here. We all love you here. We won't judge you here. I promise you that. Try to hang on. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Humpty Dumpty. You're a strong wonderful person. You don't deserve to go through all of this

[Humpty Dumpty]

Thank you 2.
You 2 are so kind to everyone. I wish the only reason that y'all were on here was only to support others. I hate that you 2 struggle so much yourselves.

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry I don't think I have much to offer with regard to this although I can certainly relate. (I seem to be experiencing a serious "words of wisdom" deficit lately.) I guess the most I can offer is a sincere hope that your current state of paralysis may, in some way & at some point, convince you to stare down your fear & seek the help you need.

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

I'm sorry I don't think I have much to offer with regard to this although I can certainly relate. (I seem to be experiencing a serious "words of wisdom" deficit lately.) I guess the most I can offer is a sincere hope that your current state of paralysis may, in some way & at some point, convince you to stare down your fear & seek the help you need.

Thank you Skeezyks. It's not always about having words of advice but rather having a listening ear & willingness to understand.
I have learned over time that seeking "professional" help never ends good. I doubt I will ever be dumb enough to make that mistake again.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

Thank you Skeezyks. It's not always about having words of advice but rather having a listening ear & willingness to understand.
I have learned over time that seeking "professional" help never ends good. I doubt I will ever be dumb enough to make that mistake again.

There are several others of us here who have experienced this, re “professional” help... it totally sucks

How many times do we get bitten before we find the elusive person who actually wants to do the job they are paid to do ...

They are out there, I’m told. Also the whole system in this forest is so broken that even the “good” professionals are shackled or tainted by that. imo..

They blame us for “blaming” them... they blame us for having any psych issue, even something relatively “mild” or ... it doesn’t matter how severe it is. The answer is still No. No help. other than being

Possible trigger:

Sectioned .. (ugh) and no that hasn’t happened to me.. I stay well away from them

ETA I don’t “enjoy” ranting like this and I don’t “enjoy” what some may call “doctor bashing” it’s my experience in this forest

I have great respect for the good doctors out there who want to do the best for their patients..

[Mopey]

H.D. (((((hugs))))). ❤️

By the way, how are things progressing with the situation of the death of your wife’s mother?

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by Mopey

By the way, how are things progressing with the situation of the death of your wife’s mother?

It's a long process to deal with. Most of the money is still tied up in legal mumbo jumbo. Although we would happily give it all back if it ment we could have her back. It's just a headache and a process to deal with.

[Mopey]

You yourself were close to your mother in law? As well as your wife?