[sunnyvibes]

I’ve struggled with depression and bipolar disorder for basically my whole life. I spent a large majority of my childhood quite and reclusive. And in highschool I considered myself to be a very dark person. I was always jaded and saw the worst in the world. I coped with alcohol, drugs, and sex. Yet I wasnt really suicidal. I was just depressed but had hope that my future would turn out better.

Fast forward a few years and I’ve seen a major shift. I’m not a “dark” person anymore. I actually have a lot of love and support to give. Im always there for people and actually don’t consider the world to be a terrible place. Too many people have great lives for it to be that bad. However I do consider my life to be a mess. And I’ve noticed that even though my view of life is brighter my suicidal thoughts have increased.

Has anyone else noticed this? I feel that most of the time when suicide is talked about you’d consider those people to be past the point of return. That they must have truly felt the world was too awful to continue in. But what about those who don’t fit into that category? Is there anyone who maybe understands what I’m getting at here?

[MatBell]

I feel that suicidal thoughts creep up pretty often even when things go okay for me. I think I've just been in this mindset so long that it's my natural go-to position when a face adversity. I've been really low and certain I wouldn't survive and come through it, and I guess it could happen again, but I prefer not to think about it. But a general sadness has been with me for many years, sometimes it's devastating, sometimes less so. But I guess it'll always be there.

[Fuzzybear]

Well... I think I have a lot of love and support to give...

I do try to be there for people.

To be honest I don’t really relate much to this post as I do consider the world to be rather a terrible place. Far too much hate, far too much indifference... but I haven’t completely given up on the idea of love and support, although I’ve found far too many people irl who have given me exactly the opposite. So in a sense I’m jaded, as you used to be.

I do relate to being very quiet and reclusive through most of my childhood.

My suicidal thoughts have increased during the past few years...

Thanks for sharing. I often don’t use words, or I go through phases of not using
words, so here is my not particularly well thought out reply. I judge myself for my words (I was taught well by dysfunctional “teachers” since early cub hood )

I feel like scrapping this post. (I’ll try to “do better” if I reply to another post using words )