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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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#1
I find that insight can come from “whining” - if someone is intelligent
But how to force “changes” is quite another issue.. I’ve never been a fan of being forced to “do things” “Avpd” doesn’t come out of nowhere and it isn’t for “cowards” or “simply whiners” I doubt if anyone fitted that “criteria” of being a “coward and a whiner” they would have survived as long as I have ... I also used to have quite a “talent” at attracting abuse My snake is angry today. Feel free to ignore her.. (Not angry with anyone here ) __________________ |
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little turtle, lowpoint, MickeyCheeky, mulan, Ohseedee, Rohag, Thirty shades
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little turtle, MickeyCheeky, mulan, Ohseedee, Thirty shades
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#2
“Late lament” - that song grrr.....
I would never be mean enough to say to someone “your lament has again been heard” I feel sorry for anyone with so much disowned anger And lack of empathy.... Empathy is NOT a “weakness” (Not anyone here...) __________________ |
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MickeyCheeky, mulan, Rohag, Thirty shades
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MickeyCheeky, Thirty shades
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#3
Grrrrrrrrr at all the A holes in this world. Anyone fancy a picnic? __________________ |
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MickeyCheeky, Rohag, Thirty shades
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MickeyCheeky, Thirty shades
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
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#4
I completely agree with you, Fuzzybear! These are wise words. Empathy is NOT a weakness, but a wonderful quality. We should never be accused of "whining"! We're just trying to share our feelings and understand each other. Is that so bad? I don't think so. I'm so sorry you haven't been treated kindly, Fuzzybear. You deserve to live a good life just like everyone else does. I hope things will get better soon for you. I hope you'll be abel to find peace and happiness! You deserve it. Keep venting here as much as you want, Fuzzybear. We won't judge you. I promise that I won't judge you. If it helps, keep doing it as much as you want! We all care about you here. We all love you here. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Fuzzybear. Please don't give up. You're a strong, wonderful bear, I know that. Please remember that
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Member
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 72
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#5
I appreciate your input Fuzzy. You are a big support on this forum and I'm sorry to see that you are still hurting and struggling.
I agree that venting can certainly lead to insight and change - if one decides to take action. In the past, I've been stuck in the "poor me" stage, where I lamented about my illnesses and how awful my life was...but didn't change anything about my life. It reminds me of that saying "“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results." I was in that "stuck" place for almost 10 years. In the past I would get frustrated when I saw others in the same "stuck" stage, because I know how depressing it can be. But now that I've had time to mature and grow, go to college and have experience working in the mental health field, I understand that everyone's journey is unique. I believe in self-determination - the individual deciding what to do. I never try to force change on anyone. I appreciate that you naturally do this, Fuzzy. It shows that you respect others and their boundaries. |
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,046
11 3,220 hugs
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#6
Quote:
It seems that all my attemps get in the wrong path. One step at a time... (trying to convince myself) And you are not a nonseinse, your post helped me and made me understood about my thoughts. __________________ I am not crazy, I am hurt |
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,046
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#7
You are (not) lost little girl...
__________________ I am not crazy, I am hurt |
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Fuzzybear
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,046
11 3,220 hugs
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#8
One also hard thing I am trying to be aware of is my tendency to feel criticised all the time. Thoughts are not reality, they are made up conversations we have with ourselfs based on what we have learned.
__________________ I am not crazy, I am hurt |
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: UK
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#9
Fuzzy, your snake has a right to feel angry.
She doesn't need pressure to make you do things. I too attract abuse..... Much love to you and everyone in need of a hug |
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Fuzzybear, mulan
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Fuzzybear
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: UK
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#10
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Fuzzybear, mulan
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Fuzzybear, mulan
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,046
11 3,220 hugs
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#11
I had a long talk with my sister about how I felt and why I felt it and what is wrong with me. I told her I needed love and validation... Sister don't like hugs to much but from now on she has to take them. (give me my so disired Hugh) It felt good. (and sad)
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Fuzzybear
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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21 81.2k hugs
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#12
Quote:
Also though, I don’t know why exactly, so many people have made wrong assumptions about me. Maybe it’s the CPTSD (and maybe Avpd) that I give off “stay away” vibes or something like that.. or maybe my anxiety makes others uncomfortable and then they judge me. Do you (or anyone) relate to any of this.. Therapists have told me to “do things” like going round to unknown neighbours, knocking on their doors, with the goal of having a talk. And the neighbour didn’t offer me a cup of tea. And gave me a Not so friendly look (it’s true, I’m sensitive but usually I think I read people quite well ) So I “failed” I don’t think that is a helpful approach for me... I’m interested in learning more about schemes, anything really that might be of relevance (Just not judging people or defining what “whining” or “not endearing” means or if there is any value in such judgments about others - personally I don’t think there is. If someone wants to or needs to talk about what hurts them without having an obvious solution to it, who am I to judge that) I like the AS Is bus.. I think solutions flow from AS IS.. it might take a year, it might take decades. Sometimes people “grow” and I don’t get to witness it... sometimes I do __________________ |
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Rohag, Thirty shades
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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#13
__________________ |
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Thirty shades
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Thirty shades
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#14
I meant to say schemas..
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Thirty shades
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#15
Quote:
__________________ |
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Thirty shades
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Legendary
Member Since Feb 2009
Posts: 10,019
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#16
Quote:
__________________ My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it. |
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Fuzzybear, mulan, Thirty shades
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Fuzzybear
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#17
Quote:
sort of “stuck” stage...it might sometimes have felt as if they weren’t “trying hard enough” ... sometimes we get labelled as not trying hard enough (or of being “those types of people” ) in this forest. (irl) I too believe in self determination and that everyone’s journey is unique hugs to you __________________ |
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Rohag, Thirty shades
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
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#18
Quote:
I don’t have the wish or psychic reserves to cater to those to judge me either... Thanks for sharing (((((((( Rohag ))))))))) __________________ |
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mulan, Rohag, Thirty shades
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,046
11 3,220 hugs
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#19
I am learning so many things everyday
I am "natural parent" who as the need to help everybody in need. I have to accept people as they are (my toxic parents) with their own deffects and move on with myself. I have to understard I am self sufficient and I don’t need others aproval or help to know if I am right. Good parents teach children to be self sufficient and don't restrain their attempts to be who they want to be. My parents are toxic and are suffering I can do some things to help them, but as much as that makes me sad I can't change their bad relaction and behaviours if they dont want to change. I have been told to shut up do many times that I don’t stant people who can't see behind their limits and expand their visions. I will send you the schema link Fuzzybear, I am just going to sleep right know. PM if I am to forgetfull. Traumatized people are everywhere. I suspect about many, althout it hasnt been a subject, you just have to oppen your eyes. I am allways excusing my self with everything, not my problem to deal if people get offended when I am being me. Anyway, people seem to like that. |
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Fuzzybear, Rohag, Thirty shades
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#20
I agree, it’s not our problem to deal with if people get offended by me being me...
I don’t like spending much time with people who won’t or can’t listen to me... “Narrow minded” and judgmental people are not my favourites Good parents teach their children to be self sufficient, and to be themselves, AS IS ... with tolerance and kindness... when they are sick mentally they fail in some cases And even steal our gifts sometimes __________________ |
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mulan, Rohag, Thirty shades
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Thirty shades
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