[Skull&Crossbones]

I've missed out so much in life because I don't connect to people and make friends like others do. Experiencing things alone is empty to me. I feel so recharged around people that I'm able to interact with. When I'm around people I can't figure out how to fit in with, it can be depressing, although being alone can be pretty depressing as well.

I've lost so much over the last year, experienced too many events that might be considered traumatic. I feel broken, fragile. That and with a loss of support system, I don't feel safe. And to lose the main part of my support system while I'm going through a chaotic, transitional part of my life seems cruel.

I just want to know, what's the point? Anything I may gain I either lose or it's empty because it happens in a void (no one to share with).

I very much want to connect with people...to have friends/family/whatever. People I feel safe just texting hi to...people to experience life with...people to really become part of my life and not fleeting when I see them at work. I just have no ability to connect with people that way...

Please don't reply that I shouldn't have these needs or that I don't deserve to have them filled. Others may not have these needs, but there is no need to mock or judge those who do....

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Skulls&Crossbones Don't worry, we won't mock you or judge you. I promise you that. You certainly don't deserve that. Being alone is hard. I'm sure many people can relate to what you wrote, especially here on PC. You're definitely not alone in this. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. You don't deserve to suffer at all. You deserve nothing but compassione kindness, love and respect. I hope you'll be able to get all of these things in your life. Most importantly, I hope you'll be able to meet someone who truly loves you for who you truly are. I know you've had bad experiences in the past. But that doesn't mean they will all be like that. You ARE lovable. You deserve to be loved. You'll be loved. You're NOT hopeless. I know things seem pretty bad right now, but trust me when I say that they can get better. Please remember that. Things won't stay like this forever. They can and WILL get better. We're here for you if you need to talk about it, Skulls&Crossbones. We're here for you if you need support. You can count on us, at least. I know it's not the same thing as having a support system IRL, but at least it's something. I hope you'll be able to build better, more meaningful relationships. I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this. Just try to hang on. The fact that you're reaching out here is a good thing. It means that you do want to get helped. Be proud of yourself for that. Try to hang on to that. You're a strong, wonderful person. Stay strong, Skulls&Crossbones. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You can do this! You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Please don't give up. Try to hang on. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Skulls&Crossbones

[mulan]

I hear you. You are not alone. We are people on this side wanting you to get better and listening to what you have to say.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones

I very much want to connect with people...to have friends/family/whatever. People I feel safe just texting hi to...people to experience life with...people to really become part of my life and not fleeting when I see them at work. I just have no ability to connect with people that way...

Do you have a therapist you could role play with?

Please don't reply that I shouldn't have these needs or that I don't deserve to have them filled. Others may not have these needs, but there is no need to mock or judge those who do....

Anyone who mocks you on this will receive a swift kick in the *** from me. You deserve these things and more. I firmly believe in hope.
You are NOT: Lazy, crazy, stupid,ugly,dumb, mean, horrible, terrible, horrid, unworthy, unlovable, evil, useless or insignificant.
You are human,
You have flaws.
You have gifts.

[Skull&Crossbones]

It's just that often the cliche responses amount to "be happy with your needs NOT getting met in order to earn getting your needs met". Or you have to meet ALL of your own needs first. You have to EARN love. You have to DESERVE it. I would give more specific examples, but those common cliches just bother me so much.

And it's not so much about what I am not, it's about what I am: bisexual and probably non-binary/transgender. I lost my first long-time best friend because of her opinion that I could never act on my attraction to the same sex. I haven't, but it has left a certain amount of emptiness and confusion on my identity. But I guess that doesn't matter. Second best friend, I developed feelings for. I didn't pursue it once I knew she was definitely straight, but I dug my own grave being attracted to her in the first place. Third best friend, I actually dated for four years. Not so compatible with the gender thing (being that he is a straight man and not open to trying to understand these things) and not so compatible in other ways as a couple. Oh well...hopefully, we can still be friends as he's the only one I feel comfortable just texting "hey, how are you doing?" to.

But that's been the only person I've ever seriously dated. I don't even know what sex I would be more compatible with or if an ideal person even exists for me within a reasonable distance. Or even a person that I could date for even a couple of months. I have no evidence or any logical reasons to have hope that I'll even be able to date again at this point. And since I haven't really made and close friends in the last few years, I don't really have a lot of hope that I will ever have close friends again. Besides, I develop feelings for them and that ruins everything anyway.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by mulan

I hear you. You are not alone. We are people on this side wanting you to get better and listening to what you have to say.

[Skull&Crossbones]

I just wish I had a real support system. People to share the good AND bad with without me feeling ashamed for sharing. Two bad things happened today and it's kept to myself. I'd be too ashamed to share anyway. Two cases of: how can anyone be so stupid?

[Skull&Crossbones]

It’s spring break...a whole week with almost nothing scheduled (which is depressing to me to not have a consistent schedule everyday...not like I would have one after break, but it would be better than nothing). So what do I do? Taxes and get far ahead in homework I guess. I’m still going to be home alone most of the week and there’s still the floods to worry about.

[mountainstream]