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MtnTime2896
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Default Apr 09, 2019 at 08:52 AM
  #1
I can't "mind over matter" this ****. You can't do that with an illness. Growing up the way I did, it was always seen as an "excuse to be lazy". "I think that I'm dying inside, running from the echo but there's no place to hide." I am dependent upon others and medical marijuana to keep myself out of bed and to avoid complete shutdown. Admitting I cannot fight this by myself anymore is the most difficult thing I've had to come to terms with. I was always told this wasn't real. How can something so fake hurt so much?

I well and truly hate myself. "If depression was a sea then I would've already drowned." It takes over and I'm too weak to fend it off. I hate it. I hate that I have to rely on others. I hate that I break down. I hate that I want to die. If only my dad understood that. If only he understood that I hate this more than he can ever imagine. If only he didn't think I was weak because I need help.

If only....

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Default Apr 09, 2019 at 11:39 AM
  #2
((((((((( So leigheas )))))))))

You aren’t weak because you need help. I’m so sorry you’re in so much pain dear friend.

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Default Apr 09, 2019 at 08:27 PM
  #3
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Default Apr 09, 2019 at 10:38 PM
  #4
Sadly, as much as you might want them to, no one but you can really know what's going on inside you, sweetheart. And I'm sure it's not what you would choose if you could.

Do I remember that you are dissociative? I'm not an expert but am willing to listen. Do your major depressive episodes usually precede an episode of dissociation, by chance?

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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 07:13 AM
  #5
Yeah, I also have DID. My depression seems to be a separate issue. I'm lucky to get weeks in between each year to two year long episode, it seems.

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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 01:09 PM
  #6
How in the ******* did you get so G** D*** lucky, So? ???
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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 02:18 PM
  #7
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Sò leigheas, my friend I agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given lots of great, wise, wonderful advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it as much as you can ONLY if you want to, of course! Please don't be so hard on yourself! You know we all care about here and that we'll always be here for you! You know we won't judge you! I promise you that! Please try not to listen to what your dad is saying about you because IT'S NOT TRUE! You ARE strong, in fact you are one of THE STRONGEST people I know of! I hope you'll be able to recognize that in yourself! Asking for help to others is NOT a sign of weakness, in fact it's the EXACT OPPOSITE! Do you have ANY idea how much strenght it takes to admit that we're struggling and that we need help! That's one of the toughest things to do, and you're doing it RIGH NOW! That just proves how much strong you are! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT, MY FRIEND! You know you are much stronger than you think you are! I'm so sorry you're going through all of this and that you're struggling so much, my dear friend! You don't deserve to suffer AT ALL! Nobody deserves to suffer AT ALL, certainly NOT YOU! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! You're strong, my friend, and you WILL get through all of this! Just keep fighting and keep trying your best! That's all we can do as humans after all and it's ALWAYS MORE THAN ENOUGH! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! You're a strong, wonderful person and you WILL get through all of this, even with the help of others! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! I hope you're getting the help and support that you need and deserve! You deserve to get better and to feel good! You deserve to live an happy, fulfilling life just like everyone else does! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Sò leigheas, my dear, sweet friend

Last edited by MickeyCheeky; Apr 10, 2019 at 04:32 PM..
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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 05:39 PM
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