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Old 04-17-2019, 01:34 PM #1
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Default Things I hate

I hate life
I hate myself
I hate people (not the ones I met here, but in general)
I hate doctors
I hate hating everything
I hate knowing nobody cares

And that's just it. I know nobody cares so I don't know why I bother to write this, speak, or even breathe. It's all just a waste. I'm a waste. My life is a waste.

I know. People will probably say that thinking is wrong - if anyone bothers to respond at all. But being wrong is the one thing I am good at. If I give advice, I am wrong. If I ask for help, I am wrong. If I try to join - or start conversation, I am wrong. If I try to do something, I am wrong. If something happens I had nothing to do with - it's me who is wrong. Being wrong is my life. It's the one thing I know as truth. So - it's fine .. tell me my thinking is wrong.

I just wish I was no longer alive bc whatever this is, is not really life anymore. I was lucky. I experienced life for a few years. I broke free from depression. This is so far beyond that though. It's like I'm making up for the lost time and now the things that used to work to help me, no longer do. I sincerely feel like I only appear to be alive to others - yet I know I am truly dead. It's like being dead trapped in a living body. Sounds like it would be good .. except - you have the pain of death and none of the pleasure of life.
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Old 04-17-2019, 01:37 PM #2
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((((((((((( Crypts )))))))))))
Thanks for sharing your truth. I care
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Old 04-17-2019, 10:05 PM #3
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Default Re: Things I hate

Crypts ...

I guess it's not quite the same, but I know what it's like to feel like I just can't fit in or cope with this life.

Having not lived your life, I would not presume to tell you your thinking is wrong. I would only say something otherwise to try and help you feel less tormented ...

Maybe this is self-centered, but it's the best objective data point I can confirm: You are not a waste because you really did help me. A lot of people have not. More than a few people have harmed me and did not care.

You listened carefully. You made the effort to understand and go back and forth rather than just latch on to the first thing you were familiar with. You thought it through and tried to help for my sake, despite what you were going through yourself at the time. You did so because you care about other living and thinking beings, despite your own disconnect, disillusionment and despair.

When at your worst you were still far kinder and desirous to help than some people I've had the misfortune to have encountered at their supposed best. That is true grace. And I am fortunate to have known you.

I so dearly wish I could do something to alleviate your pain.
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Old 04-17-2019, 10:36 PM #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CepheidVariable View Post
Crypts ...

I guess it's not quite the same, but I know what it's like to feel like I just can't fit in or cope with this life.

Having not lived your life, I would not presume to tell you your thinking is wrong. I would only say something otherwise to try and help you feel less tormented ...

Maybe this is self-centered, but it's the best objective data point I can confirm: You are not a waste because you really did help me. A lot of people have not. More than a few people have harmed me and did not care.

You listened carefully. You made the effort to understand and go back and forth rather than just latch on to the first thing you were familiar with. You thought it through and tried to help for my sake, despite what you were going through yourself at the time. You did so because you care about other living and thinking beings, despite your own disconnect, disillusionment and despair.

When at your worst you were still far kinder and desirous to help than some people I've had the misfortune to have encountered at their supposed best. That is true grace. And I am fortunate to have known you.

I so dearly wish I could do something to alleviate your pain.
Thank you for saying all those kind things about me. It means a lot. I have not gone anywhere yet - so unless you are, you still know me (not past tense ❤) - not saying that in a mean way but in a reassurance and concerned way. I am sorry you have had so many toxic and/or harmful people in your life. I hope your personal social life is more healthy now. ❤

Thank you for being a friend to me.
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Old 04-17-2019, 10:37 PM #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
((((((((((( Crypts )))))))))))
Thanks for sharing your truth. I care
Thank you for caring and being a friend. Sorry I did not reply earlier .. thinking was not my forte at that time.
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Old 04-18-2019, 05:01 PM #6
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Default Re: Things I hate

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind View Post
Thank you for saying all those kind things about me. It means a lot. I have not gone anywhere yet - so unless you are, you still know me (not past tense ❤) - not saying that in a mean way but in a reassurance and concerned way. I am sorry you have had so many toxic and/or harmful people in your life. I hope your personal social life is more healthy now. ❤

Thank you for being a friend to me.
Oops. I was tired and the rest of the paragraph was in past tense. Please don't be at all concerned. Merely a gaffe on my part.

My social interactions are limited, but much better these days. Thank you for caring. I've mostly learned to not put up with other people's bad choices in friends and trust my own instincts. I'd also like to think I've grown and am able to be a better, less messed up friend to people.

Please accept my feelings and best wishes.
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Old 04-18-2019, 07:59 PM #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CepheidVariable View Post
Oops. I was tired and the rest of the paragraph was in past tense. Please don't be at all concerned. Merely a gaffe on my part.

My social interactions are limited, but much better these days. Thank you for caring. I've mostly learned to not put up with other people's bad choices in friends and trust my own instincts. I'd also like to think I've grown and am able to be a better, less messed up friend to people.

Please accept my feelings and best wishes.
See - that's why I am so confused .. that's how I am with my social life and have been for years .. I even advise ppl the same, but they have turned on me (almost all of them). Its like they want me to just shut up, or go away - yet still claim me as a friend. I don't understand it. Even people I come in contact with - like doctors - treat me the same way.
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Old 04-19-2019, 08:54 PM #8
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Default Re: Things I hate

Tossing some stuff out here. I'm sure you've thought of all this, but I'm not sure what else to suggest ...

Maybe there is something slightly missing or off in your instincts?

That's very common. I only started to trust my instincts more because I had better results when I did compared to other people's evaluations. So it was based on eventual experience, not blind assertions that I should trust myself. If nothing else, I guess I'm more in tune with what's compatible and what would be problematic for me. I guess I'm fortunate that way compared to many here. But I certainly don't assume anything and take time.

Maybe you're interpreting their behavior in a way they don't intend, and assuming thoughts that may not be accurate?

For supposedly social creatures, humans are surprisingly bad at communicating with each other.

Maybe you've had bad luck with a small circle of acquaintances?

When you're different than most, it's really hard to find people that are a good match. If you're like me and have few interactions and available people to choose from, the numbers are against us.

One other thing, if I may. It seems to me that you prefer to problem solve and take a philosophical approach to life in your conversations. You said don't enjoy idle chit chat and banter much. In my experience, most people don't want deep thought-provoking conversations very often -- if at all. Mostly they just want to get through the day with a laugh or two, a distraction, and a little emotional connection. Sadly, this may make finding compatible friends harder for you. I'm not suggesting you should have to change or anything. I merely thought I should mention it.

Finally, most of us here try to put on a brave face and not be negative in public. But, lets face it, that's probably not very convincing when we are in so much pain some days. I'm sure going around possibly being perceived as Grumpy Cat or Sad Sack isn't helping us, although simply being told not to do that without support is hugely unhelpful.

I dunno. It's really tough, and probably none of this was helpful. But I want you to have someone to talk to.
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Old 04-19-2019, 10:24 PM #9
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Default Re: Things I hate

Quote:
Originally Posted by CepheidVariable View Post
Tossing some stuff out here. I'm sure you've thought of all this, but I'm not sure what else to suggest ...

Maybe there is something slightly missing or off in your instincts?

That's very common. I only started to trust my instincts more because I had better results when I did compared to other people's evaluations. So it was based on eventual experience, not blind assertions that I should trust myself. If nothing else, I guess I'm more in tune with what's compatible and what would be problematic for me. I guess I'm fortunate that way compared to many here. But I certainly don't assume anything and take time.

Maybe you're interpreting their behavior in a way they don't intend, and assuming thoughts that may not be accurate?

For supposedly social creatures, humans are surprisingly bad at communicating with each other.

Maybe you've had bad luck with a small circle of acquaintances?

When you're different than most, it's really hard to find people that are a good match. If you're like me and have few interactions and available people to choose from, the numbers are against us.

One other thing, if I may. It seems to me that you prefer to problem solve and take a philosophical approach to life in your conversations. You said don't enjoy idle chit chat and banter much. In my experience, most people don't want deep thought-provoking conversations very often -- if at all. Mostly they just want to get through the day with a laugh or two, a distraction, and a little emotional connection. Sadly, this may make finding compatible friends harder for you. I'm not suggesting you should have to change or anything. I merely thought I should mention it.

Finally, most of us here try to put on a brave face and not be negative in public. But, lets face it, that's probably not very convincing when we are in so much pain some days. I'm sure going around possibly being perceived as Grumpy Cat or Sad Sack isn't helping us, although simply being told not to do that without support is hugely unhelpful.

I dunno. It's really tough, and probably none of this was helpful. But I want you to have someone to talk to.
I think to clarify more - I need to pm you bc honestly I have told many of the people who are close to me and have need of support about this site n since I am not on it as much as I used to be .. I dont know many ppl anymore. Do you mind going to pm?
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Old 04-20-2019, 10:34 AM #10
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Default Re: Things I hate

I wonder if there is something slightly off about the perceptions of some or even many in this world

Crypts, you’re always welcome to PM me also

Quote:
Originally Posted by CepheidVariable View Post
Tossing some stuff out here. I'm sure you've thought of all this, but I'm not sure what else to suggest ...

Maybe there is something slightly missing or off in your instincts?

That's very common. I only started to trust my instincts more because I had better results when I did compared to other people's evaluations. So it was based on eventual experience, not blind assertions that I should trust myself. If nothing else, I guess I'm more in tune with what's compatible and what would be problematic for me. I guess I'm fortunate that way compared to many here. But I certainly don't assume anything and take time.

Maybe you're interpreting their behavior in a way they don't intend, and assuming thoughts that may not be accurate?

For supposedly social creatures, humans are surprisingly bad at communicating with each other.

Maybe you've had bad luck with a small circle of acquaintances?

When you're different than most, it's really hard to find people that are a good match. If you're like me and have few interactions and available people to choose from, the numbers are against us.

One other thing, if I may. It seems to me that you prefer to problem solve and take a philosophical approach to life in your conversations. You said don't enjoy idle chit chat and banter much. In my experience, most people don't want deep thought-provoking conversations very often -- if at all. Mostly they just want to get through the day with a laugh or two, a distraction, and a little emotional connection. Sadly, this may make finding compatible friends harder for you. I'm not suggesting you should have to change or anything. I merely thought I should mention it.

Finally, most of us here try to put on a brave face and not be negative in public. But, lets face it, that's probably not very convincing when we are in so much pain some days. I'm sure going around possibly being perceived as Grumpy Cat or Sad Sack isn't helping us, although simply being told not to do that without support is hugely unhelpful.

I dunno. It's really tough, and probably none of this was helpful. But I want you to have someone to talk to.
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