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Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,285
5 117 hugs
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#1
I should be happy right now. There is goodness in my life. I have reason to feel joy. Instead of looking forward to joyful things coming my way I feel a growing sense of sadness. I don't want to be depressed. The thought of being so only draws me closer.
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FearLess47, Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 2,025
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#2
I can't either. If things suddenly start going right I'm immediately aware of how ephemeral that state of things is, and my mind starts casting around for something to worry about, which it immediately finds.
Last edited by Mopey; Apr 17, 2019 at 03:03 PM.. |
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
Posts: 3,628
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#3
Same here! I feel guilty when I have some kind of good feeling. I can bask in it for a while, but then I think, hey! something's wrong. This can't be! I'm not supposed to feel that joy.
It seems like I feel alive when I feel bad and/or have things coming up to dread. Right now in my life I have things coming up that I'm dreading. It puts me in the defensive. And then that makes me feel alive or normal. Weird isn't it? |
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,285
5 117 hugs
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#4
I hear what you both are saying. I will go so far as to say that as I get more and more depressed I feel less and less deserving of the good things I should be happy about.
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 2,025
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#5
That is so true. The worse I feel, the less I feel I deserve anything good.
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Thirty shades
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
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#6
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Mopey, Thirty shades
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WishfulThinker66
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Member Since Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 219
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#7
I can so relate! Treading water....even when it's shallow enough for me to stand.
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Mopey, Thirty shades
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: UK
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#8
I can emapthise.
Going out and faking joy is very hard and tiring. I wonder if the sadness comes from knowing we are missing out of the feeling of joy. Big hugs |
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FearLess47
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
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#9
With me, I can feel joy and take pleasure in what makes me feel happy, but I am fearful that something will happen to hurt me soon, because it too often does, causing sadness yet again. I wonder if my depressed reaction to things is a self sabotage deep down. Good thread. Hugs to all.
I think I deserve to feel joy... __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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FearLess47
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
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#10
Sometimes that inability has to do with not feeling deserving or worthy of the joy. Could that ne a possibility for you?
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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WishfulThinker66
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Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,285
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#11
Quote:
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FearLess47, TishaBuv
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
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#12
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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FearLess47
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Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,285
5 117 hugs
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#13
Exactly. It comes down to the sagging sense of self-worth that I have. Right now there is a correlation between my increasing weight and decreasing self-esteem. I feel rather ugly right now and terribly concerned about what people think. I don't just think I am unworthy but I think others think I am unworthy. What then will they think of the good things that happen to me? I convince myself that they think I am undeserving too.
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FearLess47
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sarahsweets
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Member Since Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
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#14
Ugh. Le self sabotage. Comprendo.
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