Stressed out and feeling down

I'm stressed out over what all needs to get done over the next week or so and getting overwhelmed by all the disappointments and good things (that I don't really have anyone to share with). It's just so much up and down emotionally.

And I feel the need to impress people and that ends up making more work for myself.

And someone important to me disappointed me. I'm sure there's a valid reason, but I wish she'd tell me. Otherwise, it must be me.

I'm missing a deep connection in my life. Friends/acquaintances cannot possibly fill it at this age. I think this loneliness may be slowly killing me. Other people don't seem to need this or understand, not even here. I guess there's something wrong with me. There is a need to nurture and love and it's devastating when it's taken away from me. Whether it's a breakup or a change in job/volunteering (I've been an assistant both paid and unpaid in education and once I've worked with a group of students for a year give or take, it's devastating to know I may not get to work with them again next year). I kind of have to wonder if I should have had my own kids. I may not get a chance to.

I just feel down overall...even the occasional good thing only makes me happy momentarily.

I become easily overwhelmed Skull&Crossbones.

You are functioning much better than I am currently.
You are a bit like my old self some years back.
Look after yourself.
It is hard the way other people treat us. It re-traumatises us.

Loneliness is very hard too.
I went through a long spell like that
The grief process takes time
I regret that I spent too much energy looking back
And not enough moving towards acceptance
And when I did accept it as the past (not easy at all) I felt much, much better.

Ruminations were hard for me. I sometimes use the tips in the link below, if this helps

9 Ways to Free Yourself from Ruminations

Many people care here and do suffer the same
Big hugs

I really relate to this
Wishing you the best

What really hurts with the loss of the relationship, in particular, were all the other things lost with it. I lost his family and the chance to be around family on certain holidays. I lost potential friends...I never became friends with any of his friends independently so it's not like I'll ever see them again. And in a way, I lost a close friend in him. He'll talk to me if I talk to him, but the amount of contact has slowed down too quickly for my tastes. I feel bad always being the one who says hi when he used to be the one who did. I miss having someone to talk to every day.

Other people end up in roles in my mind that were vacated by the people who were supposed to fill them. Like the friend who's everything I wanted in a partner while I'm going through a bad time with my partner. Or the mentor who also in a way becomes my second mom. It's just having too much misplaced love and passion that have nowhere to go. I don't have a partner, children, or close family ties. The only family I have are my parents and I am afraid to get closer to them because my father is ultra-conservative and I'm LGBT. My mom would be fine, but she is beholden to him so I just don't want to create conflict.

Virtually any friends I would get close to would venture into the unrequited love category so I'm always hesitant to get too close to people. So you can see I'm just kind of alone with strong feelings of love and passion with nowhere for them to go (at least not in a healthy way). I wish I just had less love and passion...it would be a much more pleasant life.

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Skulls&Crossbones! I completely agree with what all the other great, wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given lots of great, wise, wonderful advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it as much as you can if you want to! Do you believe part of the reason why you're feeling like this may be related to a lack of self-lover on your part? Perhaps you're trying to fill something in your life that's missing by finding other people to love and that will love you back. I'm so sorry, loneliness sucks! I believe it is important to work on ourselves first! Other people will never be able to fully fill the love we need if it's not coming from ourselves first! We need to accept ourselves and love ourselves first! We can't fully help others if we're not taking care of ourselves first after all! I'm so sorry you're going through all of this! I hope things will get better soon for you and that you'll be able to feel a little bit happier and a little bit more content with yourself! Please keep working on yourself as much as you can and keep trying your best like you're already doing! That's all we humans can do after all and it's ALWAYS more than enough! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Most importantly remember that YOU'RE NOT ALONE HERE! We'll always be here fo you if you need ANY kind of help, love and support! We'll NEVER abandon you! We ALL care about you! We ALL love you! Feel free to vent and write as much as you need to and want to! You know we'll NEVER judge you! I PROMISE YOU THAT! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help! You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings if you haven't already! Please DO consider it if you can! If you're already seeing one, good for you! I hope he/she will be helpful to you and he/hse will be able to help you get through all fo this because YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY! You deserve to get better and to feel good! You deserve to live an happy, normal, fulfilling life just like everyone else does! You deserve ALL of this and much, much more because YOU'RE AWESOME, YOU ROCK and YOU KNOW IT! We ALL know that! I'm sure you know that as well even if it's deep down inside you! You're AWESOME! You're STRONG! You're a WARRIOR! YOU'RE AN AWESOME, STRONG WARRIOR! I BELIEVE IN YOU We ALL believe in you! I hope you'll be able to believe in yourself as much as we all do because ALL OF THIS IS TRUE and I'M SURE YOU KNOW IT AS WELL! You're a STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Skulls&Crossbones! You don't deserve to suffer AT ALL! Nobody deserves to suffer AT ALL, certainly not such a caring, helpful, kind, generous, gentle, supportive and sweet persone like YOU ARE! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT!

So as usual, I'm not good enough to earn the privilege of love. I'm just not good enough to earn it yet. Oh well.

I am sorry that this love did not work out. In time you will see it as a good thing. Thats hard to believe just now, I know.

I missed his family, his children who had become like my own, they continued contact at times but gradually we stopped.

Life moves on. I wish I had, had someone to tell me that you have to love yourself first. I still struggle with self love.

I’ve gotta admit I don’t understand what it means to love yourself first.

I’ve been a serial monogamist, codependent most likely.

I think I love myself. Yes, my relationships have been a range from healthy to strange to toxic.

Can someone explain what it means to love yourself first?

At this point, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. I know nothing will ever be fair and I will get shafted in the end EVERY SINGLE TIME, but this has reached a level of unfairness that I'm surprised the fabric of the universe hasn't started ripping apart. In fact, my chair literally just fell apart and I had to put it back together before even writing this. It's like ripping off the bandaid and seeing you have a bullet wound...you know it'll likely hurt but then you see it's a mortal wound. Should have just kept the bandaid on.

If this is some sort of test, then I failed long ago. Dear Universe, you CAN STOP NOW. I have no faith. I have no hope. Did I do something unspeakable in a former life? Why else are you punishing me? WHAT DID I DO? I just want to know. I just want to know why. I just want to have a reason to stop crying. I've cried four or five times today. I can't sleep. I'm so tired but can I go to sleep? It'll just be worse when I wake up.

I just want to know why. That's all. What can I do?

You did nothing wrong. I know it hurts.

TBH I am feeling let down, again, myself today

I tried and I got let down again. Did all the right things but I guess it takes two. If I didn't try then I would have never known. From experience I know the sorrow and sadness will pass.

I am feeling lonely never being able to find that special someone. (Like others do)

I am trying to emote it out. Grieving is hard when someone is playing with your affections. I am attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable, I think.

At one time I found a good space of being happy single, I think it would be best to get back to it. I find it sad to think that I will never have that special person because I am too scared to try.

I don't know what the future holds but I feel very sad that I seem to be excluded from the joy of a close loving relationship.

I think the root is being attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable. You can even be in a supposedly loving relationship and still be with someone emotionally unavailable.

They’re not emotionally unavailable, they’re just literally unavailable. THAT’S the problem. Quit being nice to me at all unless you’re actually single. But of course anyone worth dating is never going to be single, at least when I’m not around. And it’s just knowing I lost my only chance because there’s something wrong with me.

Why do you think that?

Because that’s what always happens. I meet someone that in an alternate universe we might have been a good match but they’re already married or taken. And if someone’s worth dating they would be dating someone. A big part of the reason why I’m single is because my ex did not find me dateable. You know, after spending years with me and figuring out he couldn’t even live with me because I’m so awful.

Well this is funny that my name here is luvyrself. Loving yourself first means that you have healthy self esteem, eg confidence in yourself so that you dont feel like a black hole without a significant other. You might have great respect for yourself yet still feel lonely,but you still enjoy life when you are alone.
The reason this comes up all the time is that when we go into a relationship without a healthy regard for ourselves, our lack of self esteem is likely to hurt the relationship, eg suck the life out of it,create problems.
We cant always choose what order our needs will be met in life. Sometimes we might meet a partner before we have a career or some other kind of fulfillment, but I think things go much more smoothly in a relationship when we are first more fulfilled on our own.

Thanks for posting.

I have a healthy relationship with myself until I come onto contact with a potential suitor.

I seem to like emotionally unavailable men. It goes wrong then I am back to square one trying to pick myself back up.

I am not sure why I can't feel happy with someone who is available?

I would just like to have someone to hang out with, care about and be cared about, and share bad and good news with etc. so it isn’t always bottled up inside. I can’t get that from just friends as they all have their own families. And I guess I’m a bad person for quitting my job to go back to school to get a much better job? I lost so much purpose and social contact, but when I did that I still had my ex... It was for the greater good, so why am I still the villain if I temporarily needed more? With the job I had, I WAS a much better person. The problem was I finally had a personality and was trying to be more true to my gender identity. Which of course made me more unlovable for some reason. And leaving to get certified to be a teacher should have made me more attractive, right? And I guess I have no right to be really frustrated treated like a child and rarely getting to make executive decisions even though the students come to me for that. I guess like usual, I can’t have negative emotions without them possibly used against me. It’s like I make a difficult but important decision to improve my life and I get screwed over as hard as possible. And damn...no mercy.

I really resent the idea that I have to earn the privilege of being loved at all. Having to always be good enough to earn love is one of the main reasons why self esteem is so low. So it doesn’t really help to point out that I’m still not good enough.

I’m not exactly sure where I am in this. Thanks for clarifying.

S&C— As troublesome as I have been to my h, he still says he loves me. I sure didn’t earn his love. When someone loves you, it’s really hard to push them away even when you try.

That would mean that I loved someone but wasn’t truly loved in return. That makes me sad.