[MatBell]

I can’t afford to live in my apartment any longer. I have to sell it and move into... something else. This mostly comes from my difficulties in getting a steady job after several internships etc.
I have so much anxiety now. It has been such a stressful day, I’ve had a lot of despair, I want to close my eyes and not think about it. I called my therapist and cried my eyes out. She’s gonna help me the best she can.

My therapist told me to look at it as an opportunity for something new to happen, a new start at a new place, away from a lot of bad memories.

I’m just scared and I feel so fragile. My thoughts turn suicidal, the old familiar place to turn to. It feels like a new low. I don’t have much hope left in my life. That’s how I see it.

And I’m so embarrased at my whole situation. I’m too ashamed to open up to people about all this. I feel this is all my fault? How could I let things fall apart like this?

I try to take it one step at a time. I hope to be able to write on this forum about what happens.

Would love to hear encouragment and from people who have been in a similar situation.

[MickeyCheeky]

Here's some Hugs for you, @MatBell Please be kind to yourself. You're doing NOTHING wrong! Yes, changing House and moving somewhere else is ALWAYS stressful. Do you have ANYONE IRL who can help you out, even economically? Please do reach out for help to ANYONE YOU CAN IF YOU CAN AND WANT TO! Definitely talk to your Therapist about ALL OF THIS and what you're going through, especially emotionally! She's there to help you! Give yourself some time to Grieve your Losses... i am sure you'll come back stronger than ever before! Please remember that NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT AT ALL NO MATTER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE MAY SAY OR MAKE YOU BELIEVE, OK? Hang in there! You're strong! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need advice and support or even simply someone to talk to! I am SURE plenty of others will be REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY GLAD AND HAPPY TO HELP YOU OUT! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @MatBell, and ALL of your Loved Ones! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WISELY AND WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?

[SlumberKitty]

HUGS @MatBell that sounds very stressful. Hang in there. Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time, one step at a time, and keep calling on us here for support. We care about you! HUGS Kit

[bpcyclist]

Great words above. It's one thing at a time. One step and then another. The work world today is weird. Nobody stays at the same company their whole career. Nobody. People move around all the time. There is zero loyalty, either direction. You'll land on your feet wherever you are meant to be. That will happen. Just don't give up. Not sure exactly what your diagnosis is, but whatever it is, it is obviously trying to kill you with this SI stuff. Don't let it do that. Don't worry about the enormity of it. That would freak anyone out. Just do what is right before you at any given moment and then move on to the next thing and then when the day is over, go to bed. Then, get up and do it again.

Pulling for you! You will get through this.

[Mopey]

Mat, so sorry about your situation.... (((( HUGGS ))))

Good advice above. One day at a time, one step at a time. There's so much that, unfortunately, we don't have control over.

[MatBell]

You’re all so supportive. It means more than you can imagine. I will let you know what happens as I go along. Hope you all are good.

[Mopey]

Mat, this is just a suggestion and I don't know if there is anything to it, but considering you've had several internships that haven't resulted in jobs, is it possible you're seeking employment in an area for which you aren't suited?

(My best wishes to you as always)