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Old 04-28-2019, 07:11 AM #1
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Default how do i get out of this?

hi everyone i don't really know why im posting this.
i guess i'm just so lonely and don't know how to better it or myself and cant seem to find connection with anyone around me /not even really the people i'd call friends.

i feel like maybe connecting with ppl who feel the same might help for me, so i guess that's why i'm here.. not sure.

i've been dealing with depression for like ten years now i guess and everytime when i think im at the lowest of the low points, it will just feel even worse some time after. i'm in i think one of the worst moods ever at the moment, just so clueless, self-hating, insecure, not knowing who i am, so flipping lonely, no support system, and recently moved into a new house with an unknown roommate who always seems to have people visiting and sleeping in our living room for months on end.

at home i just wan't to be alone i guess, but never am, but i want to do things with others outside, but don't have the right people to do it with. there's just so much going on that i don't even really know where to start and don't really see how things will ever get better i i just don't know what to do.

im sorry for posting this here, and i dont want sympathy i just want i dont even know what i want i just want to feel better, and be able to make friends so please share any tips you have or what has helped you pull through it or anything if you want. im sorry and thank you
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Old 04-28-2019, 08:40 AM #2
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Default Re: how do i get out of this?

I am sorry that you are feeling lonely.

If it helps....

How do you feel about yourself?
Do you love yourself for who you really are?
How is your self esteem?

Getting to know what you like and mixing with people who share common interests could be a place to start.
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Old 04-28-2019, 09:17 AM #3
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Default Re: how do i get out of this?

sorry that you are feeling this way. I can relate. I often feel very disconnected and lonely. it feels like I will never find a friend who is genuine and supportive. there are meet up groups in my city that I may take advantage of when I get low. I tell myself that this too shall pass and that I can get better. hopefully with this attitude, I can find someone to befriend me and help me pull through. all the best and I hope you can the light at the end of the tunnel.
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Old 04-28-2019, 11:58 AM #4
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Default Re: how do i get out of this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by imogenheap View Post
hi everyone i don't really know why im posting this.
i guess i'm just so lonely and don't know how to better it or myself and cant seem to find connection with anyone around me /not even really the people i'd call friends.

i feel like maybe connecting with ppl who feel the same might help for me, so i guess that's why i'm here.. not sure.

i've been dealing with depression for like ten years now i guess and everytime when i think im at the lowest of the low points, it will just feel even worse some time after. i'm in i think one of the worst moods ever at the moment, just so clueless, self-hating, insecure, not knowing who i am, so flipping lonely, no support system, and recently moved into a new house with an unknown roommate who always seems to have people visiting and sleeping in our living room for months on end.

at home i just wan't to be alone i guess, but never am, but i want to do things with others outside, but don't have the right people to do it with. there's just so much going on that i don't even really know where to start and don't really see how things will ever get better i i just don't know what to do.

im sorry for posting this here, and i dont want sympathy i just want i dont even know what i want i just want to feel better, and be able to make friends so please share any tips you have or what has helped you pull through it or anything if you want. im sorry and thank you
Honestly, I went through depression for 30yrs .. came out of it for 2yrs .. had some mild cases in there that lasted a few days or maybe a week - (which seems to be acceptable anyway) - but now, I am back in full blown depression.

None of the things I used back then are helping me now.

Back then things that worked were:

Cedarwood essential oil (for the dissociation when I got too depressed)
Lavender essential oil (to relax me, for anxiety, for insomnia)
Rose essential oil (for depression)
Walking (for depression and anxiety)
Certain foods
Certain vitamins
Exercises (when walking wasn't available)
Sunlight (for depression)
Playing with, petting, loving on my dogs (for depression)
Muscle relaxation
Visualization
Diaphragm breathing
Writing poetry
Listening to music

I didn't use everything everyday. I used some of them only when needed, others daily - and sometimes, I forgot to do my daily ones.

Foods n vitamins are daily
Playing with, petting, loving on dogs was daily
Walking (or exercise + sunlight) was fairly

The rest were as needed.

As far as social things like what you are going through.. what I had to do in past, was evaluate all my relationships (friends and family alike) and decide which were healthy n which were unhealthy. Of the unhealthy ones - I had to decide which ones to limit the contact and which ones to sever contact altogether. The ones I decided to limit .. I had to decide how to limit each one (there was no set rule - each relationship was its own so limitations were different too).

It sounds like you either need to move out or kick your roommate out (not sure who ownership is or name on lease is). As far as your friends - go through them like I said, and make new ones .. then refilter as needed. I have very few friends and atm they have turned on me (as has everyone else) - but generally they are loyal and good friends (most are online tho). It's not the number of friends you have or even where (or how far from you) they are - its how much you can trust them n depend on them to be there for you n vice versa n laugh with n get advice from n tell secrets to n etc. So - if in your analysis of your longer friendships they fail in those things, those are "unhealthy". If they also make you feel unhealthy in any way - the relationship is unhealthy.

This is how I did things. I hope it helps.
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Old 04-28-2019, 03:02 PM #5
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Old 04-28-2019, 05:26 PM #6
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Default Re: how do i get out of this?

You aren't alone. Especially in the whole wanting to be alone but also wanting to be able to be around people. It can be really hard to find people to relate to beyond a certain age, especially with mental health problems. I always feel like even if I met people, I wouldn't want to burden them with all of my issues (a common thing, not feeling like you're worth it). I would love to meet just a couple of new friends, but only healthy ones I can relate to honestly. Have no idea where I would, but that is my own block. I did have a better time when going to NAMI support groups, where people do understand and you can support each other with your unique stories with far less fear than otherwise meeting new people..

But, while I'm probably in a worse place, objectively more alone and isolated than I was 20 years ago, the meds are honestly doing a fantastic job in preventing me from falling into the same levels of self loathing, anger, and hopelessness I felt before starting psychiatric treatment. Back then I was afraid of being numbed, and I probably would feel like I am now (teenage me may be disappointed), but it is really worth it to not be as suicidally depressed all the time. And while I feel very alone right now, I am in a place where I can look to the future and remember that things can change.
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Old 04-29-2019, 10:09 AM #7
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Default Re: how do i get out of this?

Thank you all so much, it helps just knowing that i'm not alone i guess, but i do feel sorry for all of you, i don't wish anyone to have to go through this ever at all

i wish to be able to make new friends, but it's so difficult for me. i've been going to meet up groups and tyring to get myself out there, but i never really find a connection with anyone. i already had to cut off one friendship in particular, and dealing with my family is something i can't handle right now, but i still feel so guilty and start doubting myself if im making the right choice etc etc etc. since i m really only feeling worse and still haven't made any new friends.

thank you crypts of the mind, i think i will be looking into moving out and finding a place for just me, if i can afford it, so that i can hold myself fully accountable for how i feel and what i do, and don't have to be scared to go the kitchen in order to avoid ppl lol.

i hope i will be able to start seeing the light or to just keep hope that things can get better than this. thank you all for your support and kind words and truly helfpul tips. i really hope everyone in here will be able to pull themselves out of it.
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Old 04-29-2019, 11:59 AM #8
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Default Re: how do i get out of this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by imogenheap View Post
Thank you all so much, it helps just knowing that i'm not alone i guess, but i do feel sorry for all of you, i don't wish anyone to have to go through this ever at all

i wish to be able to make new friends, but it's so difficult for me. i've been going to meet up groups and tyring to get myself out there, but i never really find a connection with anyone. i already had to cut off one friendship in particular, and dealing with my family is something i can't handle right now, but i still feel so guilty and start doubting myself if im making the right choice etc etc etc. since i m really only feeling worse and still haven't made any new friends.

thank you crypts of the mind, i think i will be looking into moving out and finding a place for just me, if i can afford it, so that i can hold myself fully accountable for how i feel and what i do, and don't have to be scared to go the kitchen in order to avoid ppl lol.

i hope i will be able to start seeing the light or to just keep hope that things can get better than this. thank you all for your support and kind words and truly helfpul tips. i really hope everyone in here will be able to pull themselves out of it.
You're welcome. I'm just glad any of what I said was beneficial to you. ❤

Sincerely though, don't focus so much on how many friends you have (or even if you have friends at all). Focus instead on yourself. What pleases you about yourself? What doesn't? How can you change those things that don't?

Also think in terms of this .. what things can I do that make me happy to be me? What can I do that makes me happy and just passes time? What things make me sad or otherwise hurt me to do? What things can I do by myself and be happy with who I am? What things can I do by myself and pass time? What things make me sad or otherwise hurt me to do by myself?

Then you know more about yourself n can make a happier you - one you can be proud of. People are naturally attracted to people with a good self esteem and at least content some of the time (most of us in here have an issue with being dep most of the time with low self esteem). So - once you have that, you won't have to focus on making friends ppl will want to be your friend. You will just need to focus on evaluating good friendships from bad - and even if you end up by yourself again for awhile, you will now know how to be happy while alone, so it won't matter. ❤

A friend of mine taught me this when I was recovering from abuse. It worked. Right now I am not sure why I am going through depression again, but I know sooner or later I will find my way back out.

All of us here will - if we put in the effort n have the patience. ❤
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