Waiting for free support is depressing...

So I have a small handful of diagnosis such as complex ptsd, autism, major depressive disorder, and dissociative identity disorder. I have a family history of suicides and attempts. I have made my own since I was 6. It takes a lot to stay on this planet. Some days are harder than others. While I know I could go to hospital if I needed to do so, the cost of doing that just makes me want to take action on negative thoughts. I seriously wonder how many people trying to help depressed folks out actually think about that when they tell us to just go to the nearest ER? !!!!


Anyway, I know the thoughts will eventually pass. And I can usually reach my therapist. But there are times when he is (god forbid) being a human and out of pocket. This weekend was one of those rare times. And I needed to reach someone on chat or email. I can't talk on the phone because I have someone in the house who would give me royal hell if they thought I was sad or depressed.

So I used the chat from a few sites like Lifeline Chat : Lifeline

They had 19 people in line waiting to talk to a human!!!! I checked again a bit ago and they had 21 people in queue!!!!!


So I get it that they are just one site, but I could not find anyone on the other sites I tried either. I spent an hour in line and moved up only 2 spots. So maybe they only had 1 person there to help all us needy people.

It made me realize that if the healthy people in this world actually wanted to help out people like me, why is the system so broken? I had no one I could actually turn to that night. It was not like I was ready to do something drastic. But it was not like I did not need real help either.

I finally started to feel better when I began laughing at how all those other depressed humans were in the same boat I was in just waiting for help that was never going to arrive. It is almost like the world just wants to push us off the edge. Of course that made me angry and anger helps me focus on finding reasons to stick around. Maybe that is the way the free support is set up to work? IDK. Anyway, I needed to vent. I am still feeling depressed and isolated, but I got to see my T today and that helped. I just wish I could believe in the rest of humanity. I am starting to think he is one of those rare rainbow unicorn flying dolphin creatures. LOL

I hear you, WePow!

I don't understand much of how it works myself.

I sometimes sit in a lot of physical and emotional pain and wonder how I'm going to get through until my next appointment or session.

It is emotionally draining to say the least.

((((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))