I'm probably destroying my future

I'm 18 years old and currently still in Senior High School, 1 year before my graduation. I had to retake a class 3 years ago, that's why I'm still there.

I'm that kind of lucky kid who got born into a very caring and rich family (grandfather was rich) so I didn't have to worry about anything in my childhood. I also have an older sister who is already in university. Well things changed the older I got. A therapist diagnosed ADHD when I was 12 years old and things got worse (especially school) from that time.

Now I'm 1 year away from finishing school, everyone in my family is just waiting for it and always asking how I'm doing. I always say it's okay, everybody knows I'm not an A student but they just want me to finish school and also go to university.(That's kind of my plan too)

But nobody knows how depressed, how lazy I am. I'm feeling numb, one side of me wants to be motivated and productive but the other side, keeping me from improving myself, is way stronger. I totally suck at school to be honest. I'm barely making it through most of the subjects (especially math) because I never study at home, unless the exam is like 3-4 days away. I rather play video-games, watch YouTube videos the whole day, or spend the money I monthly get from my parents on Fast-Food and unnecessary stuff, since I'm very impulsive too. (I play the lottery and scratchcards btw)

I don't have any close friends either, don't have self-esteem most of the times, and am a socially awkward person all the time. Back in the days, I felt very bad for my parents, especially my dad who's working very hard as doctor. He's a very generous and caring father, but doesn't live with us anymore since my parents got a divorce when I was 2. But now even thinking of my parents doesn't matter to me anymore, I'm just going through "life" with no guilt feelings.

I don't know what to do. Yesterday though, I finally got to study some subjects for the upcoming finals. But I'm avoiding math, the most important and endangered subject for me. I think I just gave up on it, so I don't even try it anymore. I get really anxious and frustrated when thinking about it.

So yeah, my life is a mess. Any help or advices would be appreciated

Oh and btw, I already looked for therapists, but they are all fully booked for like 6 months...

Hello TBone: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the school & study issues forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/school-and-study-issues/

I'm not sure there is much I can suggest to you with regard to your situation. Hopefully there will be some other members, here on PC, who will have some useful suggestions. (School was always a debacle for me too.) You mentioned you've checked on therapists & there are none available for 6 months. Have you looked into on-line therapy? It sounds as though your family could afford it. It wouldn't have to be a permanent thing. You could get on some waiting lists for therapists in your area & do some on-line therapy in the meantime. (I take it your school doesn't have any counseling services you could take advantage of.)

Here are links to a selection of 10 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help. They range from tips for living with depression, through effective study habits, succeeding in college when you have ADHD, & finally 2 articles on the subject of ADHD coaching:

In-Depth: Living with Depression

8 Tips for Teenage Depression

Techniques for Teens: How to Cope with Your Emotions

10 Highly Effective Study Habits

https://psychcentral.com/lib/a-toolk...th-adhd/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-adhd...up-your-focus/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/succee...you-have-adhd/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/11-tip...you-have-adhd/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-adhd-coaching/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...coach-for-you/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.