FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Member
Member Since May 2011
Location: England
Posts: 107
12 1 hugs
given |
#1
Sorry for the title, it probably sounds worse than I meant. So essentially I've been struggling with ptsd, bipolar, borderline for a very long time, I made this promise that I'd not survive past my 21st birthday and when I did it was such a surprise.
I was that serious thst I didn't plan anything past 21, it wasn't that I'd die at my own hands, but others or drugs, or fate. Something just told me I wasn't going to survive. Then on my 21st birthday I developed bacterial pneumonia and was hospitalised - and for the first time ever I felt comfort. I felt like yes was finally it, my last days. However I was released a few days later with antibiotics.. However, now I have this new feeling of doom. I ride motorcycles, been in three bike "should of been fatal" accidents but again, here I am, writing this post. But I have this feeling I'm going to pass soon, again maybe not by my own ways, but illness or accidental. I have this desire to die, not unhappy as such, just fed up of this constant lifestyle. I've ran away many times new life, new people, new jobs ect.. I've started a bucket list, but the urge to just end myself is so intense. Again, I'm not sad.. Just fed up now, done what I've wanted to do, wanna go now, type of mood. Any ideas what this could stem from? __________________ Borderline personality disorder Bipolar disorder Depakote Quietipine Lorazpam Diazepam Amitriptylne Tried Resperidone Lithium Zopiclone Olanzapine Last edited by FooZe; Jun 23, 2019 at 06:57 PM.. Reason: administrative edit to bring within guidelines |
Reply With Quote |
Buffy01, Fuzzybear, Humpty Dumpty, MtnTime2896, StripedTapir, tgwwtl3, Thirty shades
|
Buffy01
|
Member
Member Since Jun 2010
Posts: 98
13 35 hugs
given |
#2
This sounds like being passively suicidal? I've experienced the same before, being somewhat obsessed with death. Had a period where I felt that death was my calling, that I needed to die or that it was my purpose to die. Technically it's true since everyone dies eventually, but there should be more purpose for life than simply ending.
I guess it may come from feeling done with life, not really wanting anything more. I've never really wanted anything, for example stuff like having a family or being successful career-wise. This feeling went away when having someone to live for, someone who I cared about who needed me. Right now I don't feel like they need me anymore so it's kind of back, but not as strong as it used to be. __________________ *for those wondering, my username is pronounced as it is spelled: bee-why-ef-en-vee-why. Last edited by byfnvy; Jun 23, 2019 at 09:25 AM.. Reason: Accidentally clicked post before done. |
Reply With Quote |
tgwwtl3
|
Member
Member Since May 2011
Location: England
Posts: 107
12 1 hugs
given |
#3
Yeah - you hit the nail on the head. Maybe once I start my new job and settle down AGAIN it'll go.
__________________ Borderline personality disorder Bipolar disorder Depakote Quietipine Lorazpam Diazepam Amitriptylne Tried Resperidone Lithium Zopiclone Olanzapine |
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2008
Location: N/A
Posts: 2,150
16 747 hugs
given |
#4
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 4,802
(SuperPoster!)
5 16.2k hugs
given |
#5
xxKaneLovesZoexx
|
Reply With Quote |
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,360
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.3k hugs
given |
#6
hugs
__________________ |
Reply With Quote |
Thirty shades
|
Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,557
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,730 hugs
given |
#7
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Reply |
|