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Member
Member Since Nov 2016
Location: Oregon
Posts: 123
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Jun 23, 2019 at 07:32 PM
#1
Next month is my birthday, well its actually in 11 days by now, and I hate it. I dont want to have lived another year and the closer I get the more **** I feel. Lifes kinda been sucking up to this point and I feel like I've kinda reached a new low. I dont think theres a point in living and Im just painfully lonely and sad. Im an overall boring person that just drives everyone away.
I really want to die before my birthday but I know Im too much of a ***** ***** to do such a thing. I have an idea of what I wanna do but I know I can never bring myself to actually have enough balls to finally end it. I fear like Im a waste of everyones time and that I'll just never get better so whats the point? I feel like I cant talk to anyone without dragging them down. Heck, no one irl knows Im suicidal since I pretty much just fake being fine all the time or never tell anyone else about my feelings. I dont know what point Im trying to make here I just feel like ****. |
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2008
Location: N/A
Posts: 2,150
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Jun 23, 2019 at 08:44 PM
#2
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| Thirty shades
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Grand Member
Member Since Jul 2015
Location: On a wall
Posts: 813
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Jun 23, 2019 at 08:54 PM
#3
You sound a lot like me. I didn't want to make it to my 35th but that was nearly 4 years ago. I have been so close so many times but in the end I am too much of a coward. Everyone around me thinks everything is great. No one knows how much I actually hurt. The worst day of my life was when I woke up from surgery. I wanted more than anything to die on the table.
You're not alone
__________________ It's only paranoia until it happens. Why I don't trust doctors Things You Wish People Understood About Depression I mean what I say & I say what I mean. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 4,799
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Jun 24, 2019 at 03:01 AM
#4
NotDeadYet
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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Jun 24, 2019 at 09:17 AM
#5
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Member
Member Since Nov 2016
Location: Oregon
Posts: 123
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Jun 25, 2019 at 12:19 AM
#6
Quote:
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| Humpty Dumpty, zapatoes
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Sep 2018
Location: Islandia
Posts: 4,263
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Jun 25, 2019 at 12:56 AM
#7
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Grand Member
Member Since Jul 2015
Location: On a wall
Posts: 813
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Jun 25, 2019 at 01:00 AM
#8
I hope one day you can find a resolution to this. Whether it is seeking good help or going the opposite direction. I sincerely hope that you can find a resolution.
__________________ It's only paranoia until it happens. Why I don't trust doctors Things You Wish People Understood About Depression I mean what I say & I say what I mean. |
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
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Jun 30, 2019 at 08:38 AM
#9
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Member
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: U.S.
Posts: 25
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Jun 30, 2019 at 08:42 AM
#10
Hey, I go into that place too, sometimes. I don’t think I would actually do it - I just wish it would happen. I know you’re hurting.
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