Loneliness and depression

So lately I have been able to go to work and do a decent job. I work 12 hr overnights, 3 or 4 in a row, as a vet tech in Emergency. It's super stressful, we've been slammed recently with more patients than we can really handle in addition to angry and unrealistic clients. It takes all of my energy to make it through each shift. I've also had an altercation with a part-time coworker who has been increasingly becoming unbearable to all of us but it happened to peak during a shift with me and there was screaming and cursing from both of us. So far I have not been disciplined but she also has not been fired, and everyone is walking on eggshells.

When I am off, I spend most of my time sleeping. Days, nights, doesn't matter. I have a small dog I am neglecting as she has to use pee pads in the house (not a problem for her) and we don't do walks anymore. I am ashamed of myself.

I have lost my psychopharm, my GP, and a therapist, all due to their own career changes. I am pretty much trying to do everything on my own, my "new" doctor who is an NP is prescribing my meds but that's it.

My brother/only sibling moved across the country a year ago. I have had one conversation with him since. His kids have never once sent a thank you note or text or email for any of the many presents and magazine subscriptions I have sent over the last 15 years. I'm told that I am the one not making the effort. I finally told my brother that the ball is in his court and he can contact me when he is available. Radio silence for the last 4 months. My parents also haven't been in touch in over 6 weeks; I text them regularly but don't get anything back.

The thing that is the same in all of this is me. I feel like somehow I am failing everyone all the time. I've also developed a strong aversion to leaving the house and so it takes so much energy and battling with myself to go buy food or refill my meds. I have to renew my drivers license by Friday and I am totally dreading it.

In addition I don't have any friends in the area. Generally I enjoy being alone and don't feel like I am missing out on friend stuff but the complete silence from my family is very upsetting. If I say anything I will be told that I am overreacting and that everyone is dealing with their own ("more important") problems.

I'm not even sure what I am asking here. I'm not used to feeling lonely and I'm not even sure if it's my fault or not.

Hx: alcoholic family growing up; depression, anxiety; current meds Sertraline, Doxepin, Clonazepam.

I'm here for you, Woodchuck! Can you see another therapist if that's possible? I know it's not easy when we're depressed! However I feel like that may REALLY help you. Just give it a try. I'm sure it will be worth it. Just make sure to find one you feel comfortable with. As for the rest, if it can help, I'm sure many people here on PC will gladly listen to what you have to say. I know it's not the same thing but I hope it's something at least. You can PM me for example. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'll gladly listen! Please hang in there. Better times wil come. I'm sure of that. Just do your best like you're already doing. It's very admirable that you've been able to keep a very stressful job! Perhaps you may want to find a less stressful one though for your own health! I know it's not easy. I'd give it a try if you can though. Just keep looking for another one that may be better suited for your needs. I'm sure it will be worth it. I hope you'll be able to find what you're looking for soon! I'd ask your doctor and see what he says about that if you want to. In any case, we'll be here for you if you're looking for advice and support. I'm not very good with advice but I can listen. Keep us updated on your situation! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Woodchuck!

Thanks Mickey! I tried another therapist but it was costing me $350/month and I didn't feel it was worth the money. I might try finding someone else. I used to get a lot of overtime at work, that has been essentially cancelled so I am earning less now too.

Online therapy is a good option and costs less. I've been doing it for the past three years. I find it very helpful. I have my own room to post in when ever I need and my therapist responds 5 days a week.

I'm sorry to hear about your family. I can relate. I feel lonely often and I feel like my family is giving me the silent treatment. But I figure they are just busy with their lives. Yes, it hurts that they aren't more thoughtful. But I know it's not intentional. I make the best of it so I feel better. I think that's great that you're a vet tech. Sorry it's so stressful. I hope things get better for you. If you ever need a friend, just PM me. I'm hear to listen.

I’m sending hugs and support