How I feel every time my parents put me down.

Hi, I'm a 15 year old boy, check my other posts for context on my life.

Every time my dad or mom lecture me and put me down, when my dad says I'm a lazyass who will go nowhere in life if I continue to be this way, when my mom calls me a selfish prick, that always puts a little seed of doubt in my mind on whether I'm really depressed. There has always been and likely always will be that little piece of my mind telling me that I'm not really depressed, that maybe I am just a lazyass loser, a selfish prick. Every time I laugh a little or even smile, I wonder if my depression is valid, because my depression isn't as bad as others, because I'm not suicidal. This conflict within my mind is eating at me. My parents have good intentions, but it seems that they are just fed up and have more or less just given up on me, at least on my mom's side. My dad has always been the "realistic" parent, treating me mostly like how I'd be treated in the "real world", and for the few years that he has done so, I beat myself down because I knew he was right and that I needed to change, but why wasn't I? It must've been that I was just a lazy loser right? I thought that maybe that kind of "tough love" would motivate me, but it never did and I had always thought (until the past several months or so) that it was just because I was just really f*cking lazy and good for nothing. I'm not suicidal, but I can't help but think that even if I did **** myself, nothing would really change. I never contributed much to my family, I was and am just a lazy, selfish prick after all. I'm afraid that as the three years I have 'till I can be independent go on, their treatment and perception of me will only worsen, I will just be seen as the loser of the family. I am afraid that after those three years have gone by, I might be so f*cked up that I can't lead a good, normal life or I'd have already "done it" if you know what I mean. I have no real avenue for help until I'm independent, due to my life circumstances. I'm afraid.

I'm so sorry you're going through ALL of this, 15anddepressed! Please do NOT listen to what your parents are saying about you. It is NOT true and that is emotional abuse. You deserve much better than that. You're a wonderful person and you deserve to be treated with love and respect. I'm so sorry that they're putting those FALSE ideas into your head. You have much more value that you believe. I'm so sorry that you have to put up with them. Please hang in there. Hopefully you'll be able to get away as soon as you possibly can. As for your Depression not being true, just because you don't have it as bad as others it doesn't mean that you don't have it. Everyone's Depression is different just like we are ALL different. It's actually a GOOD thing that you're not feeling suicidal right now. It means that you're at least safe. Please hang in there. It will get easier when you get away from them. Remember that what they think about you is NOT true. They're the horrible people. Not you. I'm so sorry that you're hurting SO MUCH, 15anddepressed!

Thank you, I try not to and keep telling myself that I am not, but there's always that piece of my mind eating away at me. That's the only thing I'm holding on to, the 2 and 1/2 years I have 'till I'm 18 so I can get the help I need. I will, and thank you for the kind words.

((((Hugs)))))

I agree with Mickey Cheeky's eloquent words.

(((((((((( hugs ))))))))))