Financial Woes and Undiagnosed Mental Illness

I don’t know where to start except that I… honestly don’t want to live anymore. My mother’s almost completely out of money from paying the bills, so she wants me and my sister to pay $100/month. And that’s honestly scary to me because what if we suddenly run out of money? Then what?

And speaking of my mother, a while ago I told her about stressed our financial situation is making me feel, and she said that I’m stupid and that the whole point of living was to just pay bills and food (all while calling necessities like electricity and computers to pay said bills luxury items) and that life is just nothing but misery and apathy.

Thanks, Mom. You just made me feel worse.

I honestly don’t what to do to solve my problems. I could try to apply for jobs, but I don’t have a car, no jobs are applying, and with my autism and undiagnosed mentall illnesses, I probably won’t be able to get a job anyways.

I could set up a PayPal or a Ko-Fi or some sort, but I feel that might be too expensive for me.

I could try to sell my art, but honestly I don’t have the marketing or social skills to be able to do that because I was never taught any skills to begin with.

Honestly, the most rational idea I have right now is to end my own life, and I don’t even know if I have the courage to do that.

I don’t know. I’m just… I’m just so scared.

Hi cucunots. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you are feeling the stress of financial pressure and the challenges of coping with your diagnosed condition.

I am sorry you are struggling sometimes with suicidal thoughts. Have you considered working with a support group or therapist?

Here are some resources on Psych Central that may be of interest

How I Cope with Suicidal Ideation

How Suicidal Thoughts Can Become a Coping Mechanism

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

Tips for coping with suicidal thoughts.

If you need more support for feeling actively suicidal than our community can provide, we maintain a list of online and community-based suicide resources. We keep all of our resources in indexed lists that are regularly reviewed and updated under the "Resources" main menu item (under our logo there). Scroll down and you'll see a category called "Suicide and Crises."

Get crisis help online right now via chat:

CrisisChat - Home

On your smartphone:

http://www.crisistextline.org/

Or through a telephone call:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
http://www.suicide.org/
http://www.hopeline.com/
http://www.suicideforum.com/

Welcome to Psych Central, cucunots. And thank you for sharing your concerns here on PC.

I'm sorry you are faced with such a difficult dilemma. You didn't mention if you are seeing a counselor or therapist. Based on what you wrote it sounds as though money to pay for these kinds of services may not be available. But perhaps there might be no-cost or income-adjusted mental health services available where you live?

One of the things that happens, when a person contemplates suicide is that their range of focus gradually narrows to the point where suicide seems to be the only option. But there are always alternatives. And one way, perhaps the best way, to figure out what they are is to talk through the circumstances you are faced with at-length & in-depth.

You mentioned trying to sell your art. So I presume you're an artist. Here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, written by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. on what Vincent Van Gogh's life can teach us:

Suicidal? What Van Gogh's Life Can Teach You

I hope you find being here on PC to be of benefit.

Hello & Welcome, Cucunots.
In the US you should be able to call 211 or visit the 211.org website. They might be able to direct you to helpful resources for a number of problems.
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Welcome Cucunots