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Mariehunt
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Trig Jul 19, 2019 at 06:52 PM
  #1
I’m sure The title says it all. I’ve suffered with depression most of my life since at least 14 I’m now 51. Sometimes it’s worse than others. I lost my husband when we were both 26 years old in a car accident. I was left with four kids to raise on my own and I did it and kept them all together. I’ve had the same job since 1999. People think that I seem so put together but I’m such a giving and encouraging person but on the inside I feel completely worthless. My depression has completely taken over my life I think about suicide often . I feel like life is so painful I can’t endure it. I’ve been on and off of medications the entire time on every antidepressant known. They just don’t work anymore. I started on the ketamine infusions and for the first time and I don’t know How long I actually felt better I slept I felt normal. Needless to say those infusions were $400 apiece and I took three per week for two weeks. Everything seemed to go great but then about eight weeks later everything started wearing off and I started to feel the depression coming back And it progressively got worse again. If I was able to afford to stay on it I know things would really be different in my life I wouldn’t be sitting here crying all the time and feeling so bad about myself. In reality I know that I have so much to be thankful for and so much good in my life and I am a very lucky person but I’m so far from reality and I know that but I just can’t change it. Now the one way I had to relieve myself from this is a medication that I can’t afford. I experienced normalcy and it’s so hard to go back to this hopeless existence.
Thanks

Last edited by Guiness187055; Jul 19, 2019 at 07:20 PM..
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Default Jul 19, 2019 at 10:55 PM
  #2
I’m sorry you have had such a tough time all these years. I’ve suffered from depression for many years as well. It is painful and disheartening. Your answer might be right around the corner so hang in there and keep posting so we can support you.

A warm welcome to PC.
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Default Jul 26, 2019 at 11:26 PM
  #3
I'm in the same boat depression hit me along with anxiety when I was 17 I remember going to work with panic attacks! I've had luck with antidepressants and I can say if I'm off them I'm worse. Are u sure you have tried all antidepressants?? And upping the dose? I would exercise all options. But i know the feeling I have bad depression and I'm going to set up a phych app to see if there's something they recommend. Really hope u visit ur doctor or search online more for resolutions !
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Default Jul 27, 2019 at 06:44 AM
  #4
First , I’d like to say how I can ID with you and how you feel. I’ve felt worthless for many years. I’m grateful for the little things in life but I’m can’t seem to shake this overall feeling of despair. I heard about ketamine for depression but definitely can’t afford it either. You know what really sucks ? Knowing that there is something out there that can help but is just beyond your reach for whatever reason. It does tend to make you not want to go on. I hope and pray that you find some” peace in your mind.”

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Default Jul 27, 2019 at 08:35 AM
  #5
Your voice has been heard, @Mariehunt. I'm so sorry you have to deal with ALL of this You seem like a REALLY strong person and I admire you A LOT for that. Please hang in there. i understand how hard things must be for you but please NEVER give up hope. I'm not sure if you're seeing a therapist right now. Perhaps you can give that a try if you want and if you can afford it. Just some thoughts for you. You and your family will be in my Thoughts and Prayers. I know it isn't much but hopefully things will get better soon for you. Keep trying any Meds that may help you. Do NOT give up. Feel free to PM me ANYTIME if that helps a little bit. I'm sure others will gladly help you as well. Just keep fighting and I'm sure you'll get through this one step at the time. Allow yourself time to breathe and take baby steps. That's the most important thing. Please stay safe, my dear, sweet friend, and take GREAT care of yourself. Feel free to PM me anytime as my inbox is ALWAYS open. THAT'S A PROMISE! Please take GREAT care of yourself and rest assured that you'll find PLENTY of support here! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and your kids, Mariehunt! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING! I am SO SORRY for your tragic loss!
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Smile Jul 27, 2019 at 03:14 PM
  #6
Hello Mariehunt: I see this was your first post here on PC. So... a belated welcome to you. I noticed you haven't posted anything here since this first post. So I don't know if you're still actively with us. But, since depression is something you've been dealing with for a long time, I wanted to draw your attention to this other Psych-Central-supported website for people with unrelenting depression & anxiety. Here's a link:

Project Hope & Beyond

And then here are links to 2 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of treatment resistant depression, the first by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D.:

About Treatment Resistant Depression (TRD)

What You Need to Know About Treatment-Resistant Depression

I hope you're finding PC to be of benefit.

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Default Jul 28, 2019 at 11:42 AM
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Default Jul 28, 2019 at 12:44 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mariehunt View Post
I’m sure The title says it all. I’ve suffered with depression most of my life since at least 14 I’m now 51. .... I started on the ketamine infusions and for the first time and I don’t know How long I actually felt better I slept I felt normal. Needless to say those infusions were $400 apiece and I took three per week for two weeks. Everything seemed to go great but then about eight weeks later everything started wearing off and I started to feel the depression coming back And it progressively got worse again. If I was able to afford to stay on it I know things would really be different in my life I wouldn’t be sitting here crying all the time and feeling so bad about myself...... Now the one way I had to relieve myself from this is a medication that I can’t afford. I experienced normalcy and it’s so hard to go back to this hopeless existence.
Thanks
Marie, I'm so sorry to hear of your suffering. I also have dealt with severe anxiety / depression all of my life, and as someone else on this forum put it, depression is not rational. It isn't logical. You can be the best person in the world, with the most beautiful lifestyle, and it will strike you.

I'm assuming from what you say here that your insurance won't cover the ketamine? ((((( )))))
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Default Jul 28, 2019 at 01:25 PM
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