help

I have had a terrible life. I'm not going to sit here and say I'm a Saint and everyone else is evil. I have done some bad things but I have been constantly tormented by people since birth. I was an unwanted child who was constantly bullied from home to school and then eventually work. I never had any real friends. I have no talent. Failed everything at school, useless at sports, tried everything to find some talent and ended up just watching t.v.. I really put effort in. Every job I got was due to someone helping me or no one wanting the job (that bad) and yet the bosses and fellow employees tried everything to get rid of me. After so much abuse I have developed a serious auto immune disease. People see me as worthless and so if anything good happens to me, they try and stop it and if I have anything good they try and take it. If they can't get it, then they destroy. No one backs me. Even my parents have tried to take advantage of me, when I was first diagnosed it look like I was going to die, they made attempts on my savings and superannuation. I no longer speak to them. Here's my issue now. I eventually did meet a nice woman, best woman in the world. I gave her all my money (she had only debts and no savings/like me she'd been taken advantage of) we bought a house together and in the last 20 years I have directed her earnings to her superannuation (I will be dead before she gets her super) and now that's good and we have no debts on house or new car. I want her to have a long and good retirement, I will be dead but I'll die happy knowing I've done this. Unfortunately her little sister has seen this and has decided her and her husband had nothing so she wanted in. She left her husband and tried to jump on board what my wife and I created. I did not want her in my house. She forced her way in and within 5 seconds of being left alone together she pretended to be interested in me. I told my wife and she did nothing. Eventually I kicked up enough stink, she left. She is now trying to destroy my marriage or make me very ill by causing me stress. She's telling my wife "sob" story's to get money out of us. Causing my wife to make up lies and dividing us. I have told my wife she's either trying to bring on my death or divorce. My wife takes her side. People who were talking to me have stopped and she gives little hints that she's behind it.. She's also stuck her nose into our financial situation saying my wife should always have money in her purse. I used to force money on my wife before, but she'd always let me handle the cash because she knows I save it and she gets whatever she wants. Now she started taking $50 a week to work and saying she's buying lotto tickets, but $50 and every week $50 disappears, so I put a stop to it. Now I get the feeling the sister's telling her I'm controlling and it's her money. I also get the feeling the sisters taken her to a bank to get another bank card sent to her at her parents place. The sister has no job and doesn't want to work. As for controlling, my wife can have anything we can afford. Before her sister started to play up if she wanted money she can have it. Now all I'm saying is use your credit card. She don't like that because I see the sister wants money. Still to this day if she wants anything she can have it, but I'm not giving her sister another cent, my wife and I are being used and my wife can't see it. I don't know what to do. I'm too sick to move and have no friends, family. or job. It's causing me stress.

Hello jon: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I'm sorry I don't think I would be able to suggest anything as far as what to do about the situation you describe. Hopefully there will be other PC members who will have some suggestions they can share. In the meantime I noticed this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the relationships & communication forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...communication/

You may also wish to check out the Health Support forum:

https://psychcentralforums.com/health-support/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Depression often leads us to put down our own achievements. You say that you haven't earned any job you've ever gotten, but then you concede that some jobs you got due to no one else wanting it as much as you. That means you were the best candidate!

Honestly, sometimes family is the biggest detriment to us - be it the core family, extended family, step family, or family from friendships. Our family has the biggest impact on us .. so if we already feel horrible about ourselves, a simple constructive criticism can feel like someone stomping on us, and a small insult can confirm the feelings we already have.

Your sister in law seems to have issues with her sister being with you. I would gander a guess it's either bc (a) she truly does like you romantically or (b) she is jealous of the relationship. I would recommend ignoring the sister in law n sit your wife down for a talk about how she feels about your relationship n give her assurance her opinion matters to you. Affirm her feelings by listening and asking questions. After she is done- tell her how you feel about the relationship. Good communication will help here, I think. *hugs*

@jon72:

Quote:

Originally Posted by jon72 I gave her all my money (she had only debts and no savings/like me she'd been taken advantage of) we bought a house together and in the last 20 years I have directed her earnings to her superannuation (I will be dead before she gets her super) and now that's good and we have no debts on house or new car.

I do not understand what you mean when you say you gave her all your money. Does she work? Can you elaborate more?

Quote:

Unfortunately her little sister has seen this and has decided her and her husband had nothing so she wanted in. She left her husband and tried to jump on board what my wife and I created. I did not want her in my house. She forced her way in and within 5 seconds of being left alone together she pretended to be interested in me.

How did she force her way in?

Quote:

I told my wife and she did nothing. Eventually I kicked up enough stink, she left. She is now trying to destroy my marriage or make me very ill by causing me stress. She's telling my wife "sob" story's to get money out of us. Causing my wife to make up lies and dividing us.

How does she cause your wife to make up lies?

Quote:

I have told my wife she's either trying to bring on my death or divorce. My wife takes her side. People who were talking to me have stopped and she gives little hints that she's behind it.

Do you mean your wife is trying to bring on divorce and death? Do you mean she is behind people not talking to her?

Quote:

. She's also stuck her nose into our financial situation saying my wife should always have money in her purse. I used to force money on my wife before, but she'd always let me handle the cash because she knows I save it and she gets whatever she wants. Now she started taking $50 a week to work and saying she's buying lotto tickets, but $50 and every week $50 disappears, so I put a stop to it.

Are you saying your wife used to get an allowance or had to ask you for money and now she just demands it? And what do you mean by putting a stop to it?

Quote:

Now I get the feeling the sister's telling her I'm controlling and it's her money. I also get the feeling the sisters taken her to a bank to get another bank card sent to her at her parents place.

Is the bank card for your wife at your parents place or the sister?

Quote:

The sister has no job and doesn't want to work. As for controlling, my wife can have anything we can afford. Before her sister started to play up if she wanted money she can have it. Now all I'm saying is use your credit card. She don't like that because I see the sister wants money. Still to this day if she wants anything she can have it, but I'm not giving her sister another cent, my wife and I are being used and my wife can't see it. I don't know what to do. I'm too sick to move and have no friends, family. or job. It's causing me stress.

Is your wife involved in this deceit with her sister? do you get the impression that she wants her own money or just the ability to give money to her sister?
I know these are a lot of questions I just wanted to understand before I comment further.

It seems like a complicated situation, @jon72. I don't really know a lot about handling money so I'm not sure how much can I help! I'd suggest to talk things through with your wife as well although I get the feeling that you've already tried that. Still, if you haven't, DEFINITELY sit down and talk to her. Make her understand that you Love her very much but that you don't appreciate how your sister is interfering with your Lives and marriage. Be as kind and reasonable as you possibly can - it's important to make her understand that you're on your side so avoid being aggressive. If, after ALL of this, she STILL takes your sister's side then I'm not sure what to suggest honestly. At some point it's worth asking yourself how much does she truly care about you. Still, I don't want to bring your mood down. Talk to her first. I'm sure there's a way out of here. Perhaps it won't hurt to talk to her sister as well although I would wait before considering doing that. I hope your Wife will listen to you and understand your concerns! Keep us updated if you wish to do so. I hope the situation will turn out to have the BEST possible outcome for ALL the parties involved! Also, please don't be hard on yourself. It seems like you've been able to accomplish quite a bit! If you're still feeling so down, perhaps a therapist may help? Just some thoughts for you! I know it doesn't have much to do with what you've asked so decide by yourself. Stll, wishing the BEST of Luck to BOTH You and your Wife! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @jon72, and your Wife! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF!

Hey there Jon, Maybe you should start telling your Girlfriend that you just want to be friends for awhile beacause you feel upset and would like some time apart. Save your money and maybe treat yourself to a TAKEAWAY and I think you need some TLC you need to look at whats bothering you and fix it.Sometimes there isnt a way to "fix it" you need time for yourself and maybe have some wine with your girlfriend and have a good time and see if she takes advantage of you. Keep talking and talk things out. Don't let yourself get down .If you feel its too much -go to the doctor and ask for some medicaiton and tell the doctor everything(Its there job to look after you the doctor won't mind,take something)

Welcome to PC Jon.

You have achieved a lot in life considering your upbringing. It is natural for you to want to look after your wife but you are not responsible for her family. Have you tried calmly explaining how you feel to your wife?

Have you heard of Complex PTSD?

Sarah,, what I'm trying to imply is that, even though I haven't worked for 20 years because of my health and my wife is the one that works, I have put everything towards her. She works and earns the money and because of that I make sure she gets what she wants and I go without. I'm trying to be a good husband.
2, forcing her way in. She kept asking to build a house with me, buy a big block and build two houses on it and because of financial dealings with a family member of mine years ago that hurt me, I refused. I regret not being more forceful and saying NO as I didn't want to upset her. She then asked to move in and I told my wife, no. About a year later the sister moved interstate for a job (only there for 6 months) and we got this call and it was the sister breaking down crying she needed help and next thing you know my wife's on the floor screaming in tears. I knew I'd been played by the sister as when I caved in and let her come, her attitude over the phone changed within an instant, you could tell her tears of anguish were fake.
3, lies. She never lied before at all. She has signals to her sister of one phone call and hang up. I'm sure this is to let whatever plan they have discussed happen, so my life in a way is being controlled . When I confronted her it's no way, even though I prove that she's lying. Deleting texts from her sister, so it's like she never rings or texts and yet they seem to know everything. Just little lies to . Pretending that she did certain things in certain situations that she was not involved with. Like she claims to have kicked her sister out after an argument. This argument, was after the sister had left. The most scary one is that she told me she was sexually assaulted as a child by one of the family members and that this sister saved her, but the story has changed and if I follow her timeline, the sister would not have been born yet .
4, divorce or death. Stress makes me ill and I'm struggling to live. Getting involved with our finances and giving bad advice to my wife has caused me to become sicker and sicker. For example her sister said "my wife should have money in her purse every week and because her husband wouldn't give her money that's what caused her divorce". So basically she has money in her purse or she will leave me and then the sister turns up and money is gone. I checked and I know I shouldn't but my wife had $20 in her purse and when her sister left she had $0. I confronted her and I understand why she got angry, but I only did this after multiple times this crap happening. My Doctor thinks the sister is evil and to keep her out of my house. I have had certain people just stop talking to me and I think a new friend of ours (a couple) had their minds poisoned. They attacked me for being a welfare cheat. At first they were really nice to me and I enjoyed visiting them. The last time they visited, it looked like they didn't want to use our bathroom as they might catch a disease, and when my wife's back was turned getting stuck into me about being a welfare cheat, really, really odd behaviour. From really nice, to really nasty towards me within months but so nice to my wife. Also lately my Doctor has changed, he was very caring, now it looks like he don't give a toss. He is easy to contact, by email.
5, My wife has always left the finances to me. She never has money, if she wants some she asks. It's the way it's always been. She always states our great financial position is due to me and before me she had nothing but debts. So to some it may sound like I'm controlling and it could be twisted that way, as I think the sister is doing, but every couple have their way and it was our way and I always put her needs first as it is her money. I go without.
6, bank card. this could be my imagination but i get the feeling something has changed with our banking. We don't need internet banking but our bank forced it upon us. In the past we would go and stop this, we don't need it. I went to find the password for internet banking and found it was gone, been in this folder for months, now gone. I had told my wife we were going to close it and she agreed we don't need it. The week before we went to the bank I got the distinct impression she had left work early that day, without me knowing. The previous night the sister had asked for the address to a business close to where my wife works. The next week I go to the bank and go to close our internet banking down and they close mine down instantly and when it came to her, my wife sort of backed off and I was doing the talking and I just get the feeling something odd was up. The staff member claimed that my wife never had internet banking on her account, I find this strange as it was only setup 6 months prior and i remember her struggling for a password. I'm getting the impression the sisters taken her to the bank and banks of course protect women, possibly stop me from me cancelling her internet banking and providing her with a new bank card. This is probably very weak, but the way that staff member acted was a little odd and the bank has policy for controlling husbands, it says so on their website.
7, my wife is the best woman in the world, but is gullible. Her little sister got her older sister (the older sister was on her death bed, just days to live) to beg my wife to look after the little sister as her as it was her dying wish as her little sister has no house or job, the little sister had a house and job but divorced her husband and then lost her job. It was of her own doing. My wife believed it. When I heard this ******** I saw the little sister grinning at me. The little sister is definitely in a three way relationship, with this guy who lives in a shed for three months and 9 months in Thailand. The way I see it, of course you don't want people to know this, so you can't move in with them, you move in with someone else, who's close, unfortunately that's me. She can't claim welfare, because the government will no longer allow welfare recipients to leave the country, they cancel their welfare and I know she goes to Thailand for 3 months to be with them. She wants just enough money to get by, build up my stress levels so I die or my wife and I divorce.
My wife has just let me know there's another competition at work so she needs more money. I have begged her, just a couple of weeks please with no money at work but she becomes really agressive. Yet three years ago before this all started I was the one forcing money on her at work in case of some type of accident or such and she always declined.
thanks for listening

I'm sure I have something like that, but I have been through simulation situations like this before and I'm suffering because of it, but I know somethings going on. But whether it's the sister in law playing up and getting me to thinks she's taking money is always a possibility, my wife could be completely innocent but something really stinks.

Trust your instincts. Proceed with loving kindness when trying to figure out the exact truth.

Be assertive as much as possible.

Much respect and compassion

I agree, trust your instincts and be assertive as much as you can. Thought and Loving kindness will help you figure out the truth.

I’m sending respect and safe hugs