The world seems crazy and out of control ("and it's my fault")

(Sorry for my bad english)

Sometimes I have this thoughts
The world is falling down since I lost control on my life. I destroyed everything

I think it reflects the fact that I've been ritired and a lazy watcher in the last years (i am 31 now but in a bad-abnormal professional situation, I never achieved anything-no degree-long-term unemployment) and feel bad for negative things that happened, feel like a burden and starting to have that feel "I'll remove the error"

I'm worried because I see lot of adult people with a much more regular life that seem not to care about the youngest
I see people in their twenties lost, or feeling wasted and I feel guilty for what I have become

Maybe it's also for my recent experience with a psychotic disorder that made me behave in a strange way with a person younger than me and that looked very stressed and after that I couldn't communicate with him anymore since he run away and I'm worried he will have a difficult life and depression and I was for him just another crazy person in this crazy world
I just wish he could heal and hoping for that from distance
This makes no sense but that's the point, I just lost control even on relationship, it's strange

I'm so sorry for this thoughts, the domino effect on things sometimes is terrible and humans should be strong enough to control it and find ways to fix things
And what I learned in my life is that keeping calm is really a way

It hasn't happened often (I have a master's degree and once was a Captain in the US Air Force-what were they thinking?) but I have spun out of control a handful of times. You are not alone in this. Hugs.

You're trying and fighting, @Gasplessy, and that's ALL we humans can do, really! Please be proud of yourself for what you've been able to accomplish so far and for the fights you've won! Yes, it is hard to keep going in this crazy world, but we have to keep trying! You're doing it quite wonderfully in my opinion! I am in my twenties as well and struggling so I understand what you mean. Please NEVER give up HopE! Yes, staying calm is the right thing to do in my opinion. Alsp try not to compare yourself with other people - they may have a better Life on the surface but we can't know for sure what is going on inside their heads. Keep fighting and keep writing here if it helps. Feel free to PM me ANYTIME for Advice and Support. I'm sure plenty of others will gladly listen to you and support you! THAT'S A PROMISE! You're stronger than you think. YOU KNOW THAT'S ABSOLUTELY TRUE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to You, @Gasplessy, your Family, your Friends and ALL Of Your Loved Ones! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF!

Thanks a lot

feel so stupid and guilty
Ugh

I’m sending hugs, you’re definitely not alone

Thank you so much