advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
nikon
Grand Member
nikon has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: Closet
Posts: 842
5 yr Member
678 hugs
given
Trig Aug 21, 2019 at 02:01 PM
  #1
I haven't posted here or come on here for ages. I'm never sure how to do the trigger warning cut thing - I've tried to be vague but this is probably triggering.

For the past two months or so I've been on a downward spiral. Started off with a few days of anxiety over a relationship, and then a few weeks of terrible sleep, and has spiralled into severe depression. I have been able to keep up the appearance of being ok - part time job, parents etc - but have spoken to my therapist and my friends know.

I'm not sure if people know that meme... "trying to be honest with my therapist but not so honest that she involuntarily hospitalises me" .... I kind of feel like that with everyone around me right now. I can talk about how I feel numb and depressed and have urges to relapse on my addictions, but I know if I were to be completely honest, friends would freak out, my therapist would probably want me in hospital asap etc.

I don't want to be in hospital in general but right now is just not a convenient time to be this depressed or get that kind of intensive/invasive help. There were a few family birthdays a few weeks ago, then a relative died quite suddenly, and this week it is my young nephew's birthday and party this coming weekend. I'm just getting so, so, so utterly exhausted trying to talk about what's going on while not causing panic before all this family stuff is over, because I just don't feel like interrupting it with more depression sh**. I keep wanting to tell this to someone but I don't have anyone in real life who I can tell, because obviously they'd all get alarmed.

Right now, tonight, I don't feel unsafe, but there have been many times in the past weeks when I've just wished I would just lose my mind completely, because feeling like this and being aware of it and feeling the pressure of trying to control it is so, so, utterly exhausting and defeating. Like maybe if I lost touch, it wouldn't be such a fight any more. Although I know that's probably rubbish. I'm so, so, so tired of pushing myself through work like a robot, cutting my mind off so that I can do things on automatic and not be paralysed by the numbness and apathy. No matter how many times I get better from depression, it always comes back, and I always end up in this spot, struggling to function and facing hospital. I just feel so alone because I can't say this to anyone, at least until next week when it might be more socially acceptable to have a crisis or whatever.
nikon is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, Marylin, Skeezyks, Thirty shades, TunedOut, Yzen

advertisement
Skeezyks
Disreputable Old Troll
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
17.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Aug 22, 2019 at 04:58 PM
  #2
I hope next week turns out to be a time when you can be more honest about how you're doing. I know from personal experience how tough it can be to keep things bottled up...

__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
 
Thanks for this!
nikon
Marylin
Grand Magnate
 
Marylin's Avatar
Marylin has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: England,UK
Posts: 3,017
8 yr Member
863 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 22, 2019 at 05:06 PM
  #3
You need to be honest with your therapist.Its hard to pretend it's ok when it's not.You need support so stop hiding your troubles and reach out to people that can help.
Marylin is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Thirty shades
 
Thanks for this!
nikon
Amylamb
New Member
Amylamb has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2019
Location: New York
Posts: 5
3 yr Member
Default Aug 22, 2019 at 08:29 PM
  #4
You are not alone. We are always here for you.
Amylamb is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Thirty shades
 
Thanks for this!
nikon
nikon
Grand Member
nikon has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: Closet
Posts: 842
5 yr Member
678 hugs
given
Default Aug 23, 2019 at 12:56 AM
  #5
thanks. I've only gota few days to make it through
nikon is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Thirty shades
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,300 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 23, 2019 at 09:59 AM
  #6


Thinking of you

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Thirty shades
 
Thanks for this!
nikon
Thirty shades
Grand Magnate
 
Thirty shades's Avatar
Thirty shades Much love to all
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 4,798 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
16.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 23, 2019 at 03:35 PM
  #7
nikon
Thirty shades is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
nikon
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:51 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.