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unfoldingxwings
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unfoldingxwings If you cannot move the mountain, you become the mountain.
 
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Default Oct 07, 2019 at 09:38 PM
  #1
I don't know. I'm just really exhausted and tired. And have been through so much this year. I don't feel loved by my family or like I belong with them, and had to move back in with them again. They don't act like they love me at all....I feel like a stranger. I signed a contract with my parents today, an adult-child to parent contract, which they haven't done with any of my other siblings. And I feel so unloved. Some of it was even belittling to me and hurtful. I'm used to it though. I don't know what it's like to feel loved by my own family, I always see other families and wonder what it's like.

I'm trying to stay strong. Getting back into therapy. If my family doesn't love me, it looks like I need to make up for it by loving myself extra. Which I've been working on all year. It's just been a bad year in general. Just so much bad, one thing after another and another and another. I haven't had a break for months. I've been trying to keep my chin above the water to not fall into a depressive episode.
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Default Oct 08, 2019 at 02:55 AM
  #2
unfoldingxwings

Have you read much about Childhood Emotional Neglect?

A contract sucks... I am sure like my parents they would claim they love you. Unconditional love doesn't need a contract.

I hope therapy can help.
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unfoldingxwings
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Default Oct 08, 2019 at 11:39 AM
  #3
I was reading a bit about it last night. I mean, I understand why they feel they need it, but it hurt me pretty bad. I guess that's just life though. This year has been so hard and I no longer really expect happiness or good things to happen. I'm just used to everything being hard and bad. So it just is what it is and I move forward as best as possible.
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Default Oct 08, 2019 at 12:10 PM
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I’m so sorry that happened to you. How hurtful! It’s hard when one feels unloved and uncared for. There’s a book out - Running on Empty - about Childhood Emotional Neglect that might be helpful if you think that is what this is. I have a background of Childhood Emotional Neglect and live with my mom to care for her and my brother. It’s tough when there has been CEN.

I hope therapy and posting here helps you. Hang in there and take excellent care of yourself. You are amazing!
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Default Oct 08, 2019 at 12:54 PM
  #5
I don't feel amazing at all. I feel like I'm not worthy of love or even lovable. But I've been reflecting and decided to put my focus into my life purpose and trying to make a difference in the world. If I'll never have love, at least I can give my life meaning, you know? I'm looking into getting involved with Random Acts and Attitudes in Reverse, and maybe some other organizations. Try to help people and reach out. I think having meaning and purpose in your life is really important. I want to let go of the past, put it behind me, not look back and just move forward.

You can't make people love you. Either they do, or don't. And none of us have control over that. And I'm not going to waste my life wishing my parents loved me and wishing I had feelings of belongingness and family. I'm just....going to go out there, give and find love and do my thing. And if my "Family" isn't on board, I no longer care. I have things to do with my life.
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Default Oct 08, 2019 at 01:30 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by unfoldingxwings View Post
I don't feel amazing at all. I feel like I'm not worthy of love or even lovable. But I've been reflecting and decided to put my focus into my life purpose and trying to make a difference in the world. If I'll never have love, at least I can give my life meaning, you know? I'm looking into getting involved with Random Acts and Attitudes in Reverse, and maybe some other organizations. Try to help people and reach out. I think having meaning and purpose in your life is really important. I want to let go of the past, put it behind me, not look back and just move forward.

You can't make people love you. Either they do, or don't. And none of us have control over that. And I'm not going to waste my life wishing my parents loved me and wishing I had feelings of belongingness and family. I'm just....going to go out there, give and find love and do my thing. And if my "Family" isn't on board, I no longer care. I have things to do with my life.
Good for you! You took your power back and decided to move forward. Good luck and best wishes finding a “family” of your choice where you have a sense of love and belonging.
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Default Oct 09, 2019 at 07:32 AM
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Default Oct 11, 2019 at 03:31 PM
  #8
I'm seeing a therapist on the 18th! And talking to my primary care doctor to, who's helping me as well. So, I think everything is going to be okay.

Thank you to those who responded here for the support.
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Default Oct 11, 2019 at 04:51 PM
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I'm glad you got an appointment with a therapist soon. I hope it is helpful! HUGS Kit

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unfoldingxwings
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unfoldingxwings If you cannot move the mountain, you become the mountain.
 
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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 05:21 PM
  #10
Thank you! I found out from my doctor today I have Hyperthyroidism, so a lot of this may just be because of my thyroid. I'm so so glad I went to the doctor and found this out before it became a more serious issues. Been wondering why I'd dropped so much weight, and have been struggling with fatigue. Over all, though, my mental and emotional health seem to be stable and in a good place again!
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Default Oct 15, 2019 at 12:42 PM
  #11
Glad to hear it @unfoldingxwings

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