[will19]

Was feeling much better today than yesterday. Except that I feel like I don't like my job as much as I used to. But I am thankful for it; at least it pays me fairly well.

[Deilla]

I'm Okay. I could use some more sleep. Maybe a little later on. Today I plan to relax. Might do a few chores so that I feel productive.

[3rd rock]

I just hate living in this city so much.

[jrae]

I don't know anymore seriously just don't know. overwhelmed, crazy exhausted, little appetite, high anxiety, D getting worse, feeling super alone, and just scared out of my mind........

[TerryL]

been feeling sad...wish i could fix me...

[Deilla]

Felt good when I first woke up, but now I'm starting to feel bad. I've been thinking about trying to go to the pharmacy today. The thought of leaving the house depresses me. I'm not sure what I will do. Maybe just go back to bed.

[puzzclar]

Originally Posted by jrae

I don't know anymore seriously just don't know. overwhelmed, crazy exhausted, little appetite, high anxiety, D getting worse, feeling super alone, and just scared out of my mind........

I have felt those. I'm still trying to overcome them and I know it takes one step at a time. What's your next step?

[puzzclar]

In my life, I am faced with the option to fly, so to speak. Will I soar above the depression, fear, anxiety, and grief? It's been almost 10 years of being on these forums, am I any closer to feeling better?

Can I let myself feel better?

What will my life be like after the assignments of my grad program? Will I be free and able to help others?

I have been in my own head for most of these 10 years, that I have not been around here much. Am I able to spread hope? How much soul-searching will I be able to handle in one day? Do I need a break?

I'm filled with questions. I hope I find answers soon

[mote.of.soul]

Not happy at all with my inability to cope with terrible social anxiety.

I'll be reaching out to a mental health organization sometime soon, to see if they can help. I need a support worker, a helper. I can't handle going to supermarkets/stores/doctors appointment/walking down the road[!]/anything!!!, on many, many days, which leaves me alone and very depressed.

I'm tired of all this, if you know what I mean. I'm 50 now.

[Deilla]

Today is going well. I've been busy with house chores and socializing with family.

[Breaking Dawn]

Generally ok.

Well, I didn't get promoted but managers gave me the ok to started training for the job I want. I trained for the first time yesterday and it was great. I am really happy with this result (I knew I wouldn't get the job anyway). In a way I am fearless to step into the new department like that. They do real work on some pretty high profile projects. But I do not get star struck easily.

Coworkers still triggering me and with the new development of me training it really has put a strain on things. Our company loves to hire from within, but usually you only get to train after a year. I've barely been here six months.

I got really triggered yesterday and the day before by my immediate coworkers. I'm trying to just be quiet and lay low for now. Who knows, in a matter of months I may be promoted.

Last day of school is tomorrow. I have an assignment missing. I am stressed.

Easily triggered is an apt description of me. I am insecure and unstable... socially anxious and empty. This needs to change.

I was so tired I could not get from the couch to my bed last night. So I am not well rested. I don't know why but maybe things are ok. But I always feel just awful. I worry a lot about myself, how i act, maybe I am not a good person. Maybe I haven't done enough, or maybe people don't like me. It feels like I am very alone in the world, so I don't know who I can trust, who I can talk to. And then when I talk to the wrong people I get triggered. Then people say I am rude for being triggered, maybe I have a bite reaction when hurt. But that leads to me being misunderstood and even more alone.

[3rd rock]

Well, the worst book I've ever written is done.

[3rd rock]

I keep writing horrible books that no one would ever want to read, and I keep failing to improve. It takes a special kind of stupid and lazy to keep on resolutely refusing to improve at all. Most people would gradually get better at something if they do it long enough, but not me. I keep on writing unreadable books with crappy characters and indecipherable plots that don't go anywhere.

Christmas time means there are gifts and cookies for everyone except me.

[will19]

It was a very busy day at work, pretty much the whole day. I felt fine but it took a little turn by the end of the day. Someone was expecting something but it didn't have his name on it. He had told me about it in the mid part of the day, but one carrier had not shown up until the end of the day. Well, it turned out that the box had arrived in the mid-morning. So he discovered that I had that box until it was time for him to leave for the day. He got upset because the box had some parts for a door he needed to fix for today. I was very sorry it happened. He's not a nice person at all.

I worked out after work. That's about it. I feel like there are things coming up that I'm not looking forward to.

[Deilla]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I keep writing horrible books that no one would ever want to read, and I keep failing to improve. It takes a special kind of stupid and lazy to keep on resolutely refusing to improve at all. Most people would gradually get better at something if they do it long enough, but not me. I keep on writing unreadable books with crappy characters and indecipherable plots that don't go anywhere.

If you think you write crappy books, then you will write crappy books. You will achieve what you think you will. So why not try to think that you will write great books. It's a much better way to live.

[sonjaward809]

I’m new to this specific forum. I’ve always been on the Bipolar one cause that’s what I was diagnosed as. Turns out I just have severe depression and complex PTSD. This recently got changed and I’m okay with it. I never really understood mania for myself. It didn’t really fit. I’m feeling very helpless and hopeless at the moment. I feel like a waste of space. I’m going to call my caseworker and see about getting a new Appt and getting my medication appt moved up. Trying to make it till Monday so I can get my EMG done (I’m having neurological issues) and see what’s going on with the left side of my body. I’m probably going to be back in IP after Monday. I can feel it. I can already tell I need to go but I need that testing done first. This will be 3x in a year I’ve been hospitalized. It’s to the point to where I’m not even afraid of the hospital no more, it kind of brings me peace. I’ve been trying for disability for a while now but it always gets denied. Last time was because although there is evidence of my disability it just wasn’t severe enough yet. Like how tf?! Well it’s getting pretty damn severe now. I keep trying to put on a brave face for everybody else but I feel alone. Even when I’m surrounded by people, I feel all alone. Like I’m in a hole. My anxiety is running rampant! I feel wound up and jumpy. I wanted to crawl out of my skin yesterday it was so bad. Ugh. Here’s to another day of making it through and pushing forward. Even when I feel like the shittiest thing on Earth. ❤️

[will19]

An OK kind of day today for a Saturday. At least it's not raining today like it did last week and Sunday, so I can go out on my bike pretty soon. My friend and I didn't talk on the phone last night. He left me a message this morning saying that he would have wanted to come visit with me, but then he had a change of plans as his tablet was not working well and he went to a place to have it repaired. Funny he would leave messages for me saying that he'd come out to see me but when I ask him to come and visit, it's like pulling teeth.

Tonight, instead of getting a movie like I always do, I plan to go out for a walk around the downtown to see the stores decorated with lights and stuff. I'm not crazy about walking around downtown, but there's some good in it, even though it's not my thing.

[downandlonely]

I slept most of the day today because I didn't have concrete plans. But I have errands I really need to do.