[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by nikon

@Buffy01 - hugs

Thank you for the hugs

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by nikon

I've had a terrible week or two. Just blackout depressed, sleeping all day to cope with the bad thoughts and impulses and stuff like that. Somehow between yesterday and today something happened and I feel fine again. It's happened before a few times (in the past few years), and although feeling better is great, I actually find it very disconcerting and anxiety-provoking that my mood can suddenly flip from suicidal to content for no obvious reason. Going down, though, it's usually a gradual slide with lots of sharp dips going more down each time. I have been tracking my mood and can see how it's been going down, and little events that have contributed to getting more down etc. I don't understand. As far as I know I have depression, not borderline or bipolar. I wish I could just understand things sometimes and not feel like I have no idea what is going on with my own body and head.

: I understand how you feel because I'm doing this myself.

[3rd rock]

I got out of bed at about 8 this morning. It's about 3 in the afternoon and I haven't had anything to eat yet today. I had a mug of black coffee for breakfast and a can of Coke Zero since, but no food. I'm starting to get a little hungry, but I still don't really feel like eating.

[will19]

I felt kind of hurt this morning at work. Normally I set up the auditorium for classes. The auditorium was already set up for a class a couple of weeks ago. This morning a dividing partition had to be put up to divide the room into two because of two classes. I was expected to do the partition with the maintenance man, since it has to be two people doing it. The maintenance man and someone else put up the partition. I know that it's a small, trivial matter, but I still felt hurt. But it was just as well as I'm not too crazy about the maintenance man.

After that a new guy at work asked me what I thought about Pres. Trump pardoning the white-collar criminals. I don't know why people approach me to talk about politics. I never bring it up myself. And then another guy was telling me how the area we live in is just getting too crowded with people. I agreed with him on that, so that was nice for me to talk about it.

It got busy later in the day and that was alright with me. Took a bike ride after work for an hour. I can do that now since the sun is setting later. That's nice for me.

I feel so ****** and triggered. It’s been hard having major life events happen without my friend. I feel very lonely.

[Yzen]

Feeling a little overwhelmed and tired.

[downandlonely]

Couldn't sleep well at all last night. I will probably crash later at work

[nikon]

Sorry to hear most people sound like they're having a hard time today.

[nikon]

I don't know where I am mentally. I feel less depressed/suicidal than earlier this week, but more anxious. I woke up early in the morning and before I went back to sleep heard these loud voices in my head. I've had them before, usually when I'm really stressed, depressed or tired. I can tell I'm not physically hearing them but they are like other people's voices saying things in my head, and it's not stuff that I'm thinking. It freaks me out a bit. Yesterday I saw my therapist and tried to be honest about how bad things have been, but find it difficult to say that in a serious way. I end up making jokes around it because I feel awkward actually saying it.

[Breaking Dawn]

You're not alone, @nikon! Thanks for sharing.

[giddykitty]

ughhh....long day at the computer. I'll check in properly tomorrow night or Sunday, after I've had some rest.

best wishes to you all!

[nikon]

I'm still not really sure how I'm doing. I slept really badly, and I'm having weird pains in different parts of my body. Last year I had two bouts of intense pain in my face, but because it happened on a weekend I ended up not going to a doctor. Now I just get pains that last a few seconds, which doesn't really warrant seeing a doctor. I feel kind of alone and just fantasise about feeling safe and feeling like someone is holding me and keeping me safe.

[will19]

A rainy day today. It would have to rain on my day off! Nothing much going to happen today. Just the usual cleaning and shopping later on. I always look forward to the shopping, but afterwards I feel let down when it's over.

I had an upsetting phone conversation with my friend last night. I didn't sleep well because of it. I left him a message about how I feel this morning. I also had some weird dreams. I guess that weird dreams happen because of being upset.

Feeling alone and thinking it's all my fault that it's that way for me.

[giddykitty]

i'm okay. feeling a little mixed about how this party went...self conscious about a couple of things...but it was ok. i'm tired tho. parties wear me out!

I am in a depression. I wouldn’t say I’m overwhelmed from everything I have going on. But work right now is a lot about navigating socially and it’s hard to do it when I have no one to love me. I am just so alone and I have no idea how to do this. People are so cruel and I am not good at knowing who is an appropriate person to share with. I want to quit my job in a year and start fresh. Talk about doing time. I couldn’t imagine working at a company for more than two years. The people make me feel claustrophobic. I have no self esteem. I’m not confident. I’m alone. I feel empty and like I am drifting. I don’t know the point of anything. I feel like I’m making choices at random like where to live, what job I should have. I feel like I’m a ghost. I don’t feel grounded.

I stepped up my career without my friend I spoke to every day for years and I feel sad. I wonder if it’s heartbreak.

[nikon]

@the walls - sorry to hear that things are so low right now.

[nikon]

I don't feel that good today. Been really anxious and feeling guilty (for irrational things) the whole morning. I am struggling with a couple of my friends at the moment and really don't want to be around them, but I am involved in work with them as well. Today I just about feel scared of everything, kind of wish I was just asleep or there was some way of going to a fantasy world that felt safe.

[VerMOZZica]

I am having trouble sleeping even with meds. I woke up at 3 in the morning and could not go back to sleep. I feel exhausted and this depression is really weighing me down. I`m just so tired.

[3rd rock]

I have come down with a case of the flu. I have even less energy than usual and I'm in bed all the time. I hope I'll be better in a couple of days.

My first pole dancing class went well. I feel great! It was a very positive environment. hopefully I’ll make some friends too or find a social life.

My jaw has since childhood popped when I open my mouth wide. I think it’s misaligned. It’s been bothering me lately. I hope I don’t have to do surgery or anything.

I might need to drop my college classes. Work is basically an intensive class.