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Old 01-13-2020, 10:24 PM   #491
giddykitty
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread: Ups & Downs #27

I'm upset about something, but I'm doing alright. Not high like I was, but okay.
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Old 01-13-2020, 11:17 PM   #492
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread: Ups & Downs #27

Things are ok. I was panicked over the weekend about never moving up from my current ****** job. But I am training for a promotion already so I just need to not let the anxiety prevent me from committing 100% to training. I have trouble getting in to work early to train. To my detriment. I need to find a way to get out of bed. I have been having a lot of trouble in the new year. I donít know why. I have been extremely down both weekends of the new year, which spills into the the weekdays too. The anxiety is probably also related to fear of success. I have low self esteem such that I canít self start, I canít hunt for opportunities the way I know I could.

Everything will be ok with time. I think I will keep progressing. I just need to get that promotion and then I think the way forward will be much clearer. Iíll have better leverage and be able to network better. I need to have faith! And keep smiling and doing good work.

Pole dancing classes start in February. Iím afraid of showing my scarred body. I want to cut but am afraid of having fresh cuts at class. I also signed up for a business class and a philosophy class through my community college. I feel like with training at work I need to get away from my field of work. Idk. Iíve never taken a business class. Also I feel like reading and writing essays for philosophy will be good for my brain.

A big part of it is that I canít calm down to sleep until around 2:30 am. So itís hard for me to wake up at a normal time. I also spend a great amount of time in my fantasy world. Not dealing with real life. Maybe itís not a great way of coping. I think I need to change this. Take a deep breath.

I just feel like Iím not doing enough. Or maybe Iím working too hard and not smart enough. Idk. I feel hampered by low self esteem and feel like Iím limited by a lot of dumb stuff that happened in the past.
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Old 01-14-2020, 01:01 AM   #493
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread: Ups & Downs #27

Trying to exercise on a consistent basis and walked and did small hand weights this past Saturday and then again today walked (although only 15 minutes today compared to 30-40 minutes Saturday) and did small hand weights. Plan is to do small hand weights every other day and walking daily.
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Old 01-14-2020, 03:18 AM   #494
the walls
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread: Ups & Downs #27

Right when I go
To bed my stomach revolts at the memory of my boundaries violated.
My coworker pressing me (interrogating me) on my career choices. Scolding me. Remembering what my brother saidówhat a stalker.

Iíd better keep my head down tomorrow. WhAt a creep. Itís none of her business and I am helpless to
Create a boundary since she will attack when I reject
I so badly want to cut. I am disgusted and revolted by her and her disgusting personality. And I am ashamed of myself.
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Old 01-14-2020, 09:06 AM   #495
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread: Ups & Downs #27

Iím trying to act calm in everything I do and free myself from fear of judgement from anyone including myself. I donít know if that is possible.
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Old 01-14-2020, 11:57 PM   #496
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread: Ups & Downs #27

Been feeling down for most of the day. I had a conversation with someone at work today that I ended up sorry that I did. He made me feel bad. Actually I think that he was pumping himself up. He does that at times and I feel skeptical about it. Life seems to be perfect for him. He doesn't have the problems that everyone else has.
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Old 01-15-2020, 03:21 PM   #497
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread: Ups & Downs #27

I have been feeling really down and depressed. I don't if I am taking negative comments too personally or because of the weather.
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Old 01-15-2020, 03:32 PM   #498
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread: Ups & Downs #27

I sort of relate to Buffy01, except I wonder if it's the weather, or circumstances, or both.
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Old 01-15-2020, 05:48 PM   #499
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread: Ups & Downs #27

I don't know if it's just the medication or what but I'm so anxious right now, I just started worrying intensely whether a real person from my life when I was younger would discover one of my novels, realise one character is loosely inspired by her, and then decide to sue me for defamation. I'm so worried it's making me nauseous.
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Old 01-15-2020, 06:34 PM   #500
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread: Ups & Downs #27

Feeling depressed today. Could be the weather or could be a tough decision I have to make. Really upsetting.
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