[downandlonely]

My mom is coming to visit this weekend. Need to get the house cleaned and kill these bugs before she gets here. I got roach traps today.

[will19]

Kind of busy today but not too much excitement. Did the laundry and went bike riding for almost three hours. With lunch I had bought some corn chips that are Mexican flavored and it didn't taste good to be. I'll take it to work tomorrow and give it away.

My sister called me pretty late tonight. She left a message. When I listened to her, she sounded very tired, so I didn't bother to call back. That's been happening lately with her and I don't know why. I find it frustrating. On the other hand, she seems to be the author of frustration.

Feeling dreadful about going to work tomorrow. I don't feel that way very often. Just this time I do because there might be a special project for me to do that I'm not looking forward to.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by the walls

I’m so tired.

I been feeling tired myself.

[Buffy01]

I feel so down especially lately. I been feeling depressed in the past month.

[3rd rock]

It's been very difficult to get any writing done over the last few days. I'm extremely tired and listless from the medication. I want to sleep all the time.

I’ve decided to move at the end of my lease. I am getting bored here. There’s not much to do. I want glamor and excitement. Cool places to go within walking distance. I hate driving everywhere. It’s too much effort. Maybe I can make some friends i if f I could get out more easily. I focused on work so much that I think now I can get out more. I don’t know, I think I’m ready to make some friends.

I am dreading work on Wednesday. I have a lot of anxiety. I think people will laugh at me. I just feel like an idiot. I have to remember it’s ok and that I can’t go silent. I have to be confident. Idk why it happens, it’s like I shut down.

[Breaking Dawn]

I've been thinking about what other people say & I'm taking a step back.

[will19]

It was fairly busy at work today, which was nice. Not feeling really good emotionally. I feel like I should be very happy with the way things are going, but I don't.

I got a message from my doctor about an upcoming MRI that had been rejected by my insurance company. I was told to contact the insurance company and appeal the decision. There is a special phone number to do that. We'll see how that goes.

[Fuzzybear]

grrrr

[Breaking Dawn]

Taking it slow but everything is ok at the moment. I have a couple of ideas to choose from & plan on fulfilling a mission today.

[Yzen]

I took a big step towards making a repair to my house that I have ignored for too long. I hope it goes well.

[3rd rock]

This month is the worst month I've ever had since I started selling books in terms of units moved. This has me feeling very down.

[Buffy01]

I been feeling really depressed again.

Hopefully my shyness and lifelong-depression-based apathy/flat affect doesn’t come across as boredom and arrogance.

Otherwise today was ok. I didn’t completely shut down. I think I’m able to handle it and able to learn. I can feel that it will get better.

I’m 99% sure my fears about the position were unfounded. I just need to learn well.

Update: never mind I’m just really anxious now. Argh.

I feel like I am beginning to come across to people as a person with a lot of anger. A little malevolent, ungracious, dark. My air/energy is starting to match my depression. I had an interaction today where I didn’t mean to come across that way but I did. I feel awful.

[Yzen]

Originally Posted by the walls

I feel like I am beginning to come across to people as a person with a lot of anger.

I think people want to feel 'safe' when interacting with others. I don't know if this applies to your interactions, but when I talk with people at work I have learned it helps to make them feel comfortable and safe. Things like listening actively and asking questions, keeping things light and friendly, showing gratitude (even a small thank you), and treating the person like they belong and are appreciated. I've been trying to do more of those things and it has made my work interactions better.

[nikon]

@3rd rock - sorry to hear that

[nikon]

Originally Posted by the walls

I feel like I am beginning to come across to people as a person with a lot of anger. A little malevolent, ungracious, dark. My air/energy is starting to match my depression. I had an interaction today where I didn’t mean to come across that way but I did. I feel awful.

I think we can all have those times, so be gentle with yourself. Beating yourself up for this is just going to increase the inner conflict/pain you feel. I can relate - when I'm very down I turn into a different person.

[nikon]

@Buffy01 - hugs

[nikon]

I've had a terrible week or two. Just blackout depressed, sleeping all day to cope with the bad thoughts and impulses and stuff like that. Somehow between yesterday and today something happened and I feel fine again. It's happened before a few times (in the past few years), and although feeling better is great, I actually find it very disconcerting and anxiety-provoking that my mood can suddenly flip from suicidal to content for no obvious reason. Going down, though, it's usually a gradual slide with lots of sharp dips going more down each time. I have been tracking my mood and can see how it's been going down, and little events that have contributed to getting more down etc. I don't understand. As far as I know I have depression, not borderline or bipolar. I wish I could just understand things sometimes and not feel like I have no idea what is going on with my own body and head.