Confessions of little turtle with love #4

Not at all, Little Turtle. The little guy was probably pretty small when he first started getting hurt. ❤️

There are a lot of people who enjoy downgrading who we are
Some of them are ''family''
They try to have it their way all the time
I think I might have asked before whether your wife has a mental health dx or is she simply nasty

They sound very controlling My parents told me what to do most of the time. I don't remember them saying anything positive to me There was a lot of silence... and a lot of other stuff

They sound like maybe they wanted to manipulate you into silence?

Grrrrrrrrrrr. Hugs and respect to all who are As Is

Not crazy at all

Time to let your inner LT speak and have the love he deserves

i wanted my wife to be my friend....but that never worked out after 65 years...
she is my wife...my spouse...we are very very different...depressing

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle i wanted my wife to be my friend....but that never worked out after 65 years... she is my wife...my spouse...we are very very different...depressing

Oh, Turtle - 65 years? Oh no...

I mean, you can be different but in my experience both have to want the relationship in order to be able to work at it. There has to be some love there on both sides, right? You can't do it all alone....

Good post...

I can feel the pain in this post dear little turtle..

My experience was different but in some ways similar...

That after 65 years of her life, my mother was still not my friend. I had wanted her to be my friend..

She did not like me. She said she loved me She told ''everyone'' what a ''bad person'' I was, including a cruel, sociopathic ''boyfriend/landlord'' - who threw me out also. It was part of his script, his pattern. He was very cruel, very bitter, not ''even attractive'' :-( He was ''not without intelligence''.. which he used against me

She rejected me... a mother rejecting her only daughter. Her only biological child. I am not sure what sort of love that is.

Papa bear and I, my husband, are very different, there is love, and we like each other.

I am grateful I did not marry one of the (several) abusive young or not so young men I had engaged with before meeting Papa bear. The ''pattern of dysfunction'' could have continued had I been less ''fortunate'' and married the abuser I was engaged to for over a year. (or one of the other abusers... including that horrible horrible ''landlord''... But in his mind, he was Far Superior to me... I was, in his mind, so far beneath him that he came to our house to abuse me with words soon after I married Papa bear :-( Why :-( I can only imagine... jealousy partly, he was nearly 10 years older than I was, maybe he knew deep down he would not .... ''ever'' ... find anyone as ''good'' as me (or maybe anyone ''good enough for him at all''... grrrrrrr. Sorry about the grr

hugs and love to you dear little turtle and to all on the As Is bus

thanks dear fuzzy with love...

thank you dear little turtle, with love

Thank you for sharing this with us all on the bus dear Fuzzybear.

I wish I had, had your courage when choosing/rejecting a husband.
I guess for me the true colours only shone out, once I was fully trapped.

Looking back there were big clues but I was young and even younger emotionally back then.

I am free now but carry the damage.

My life has been a ongoing saga of collecting abuse.
Mainly professionals these days.

Sending hugs and respect to you

I am sorry you are trapped in your marriage

I send heartfelt wishes to you for some peace and harmony

Do you have a place you can go for space?

Being alone with only our thoughts is not easy for us.

Filling my time to avoid the thoughts makes me tired.

Meditation brings some space for me to relax and rest.

Much love, hugs and respect to all on the bus

finally i think meditation is helping me...
i don't know that much about it...
i am more calm at certain times...
i also am following lifestyle medicine...

Oh this I can truly relate to. Not 65 years yet, but at least a decade in. It can be interesting seeing a different perspective, but as someone else mentioned, it's only good when both folks appreciate that. I mean, hubby doesn't care that we are different. He doesn't mind doing separate things (although he does often invite me to join him in his things), but I really want or almost need him to be my friend or show some similar interest for me to be intimate. Right? So yeah, it's a struggle. Sigh! We must have a few common interests, but it's few and far between.

Also, much love and hugs folks!

thank you...... thank you for your help..
.i am mainly suffering from the loss of my good friends...
i really have many problems with the family...
my friends were a replacement for the love lost...
i am looking for friends irl...i need that...

Hope you can find that Little Turtle. In the meantime, we can be your friends here.
I think I'll eventually need to get some irl friends again one day. Right now, Mom is my best friend and brother and sister and to some degree, Dad are other friends. Can't really share EVERYTHING with them though. And when Mom goes (hopefully not for a long time, but more than likely I'll have to bear that hardship), I will need irl friends or a therapist. Maybe that will be time for hubby to realize my need for that! For now though, I'm managing ok with Mom and you all. ..and even hubby to some degree.