Why Birthdays, Christmas and other Family holidays are so hard

Dear Friends, Soldiers against your own internal battles, apologies for being selfish and posting this. Some of you know me, but for those who don’t, I am Venezuelan National now 44 years old, have been in Japan for 20 plus years came originally on a scholarship to study then found a Job and started to work, divorced my first wife from Venezuela who left me, then met a Japanese girl fell in love and had kids together for 14 years. Then society became a bit or has always been intolerant for inter-race family, which is strange for me because differently from US or other European countries foreigners is max 2 percent of tot.population. My wife and kids started to see my intolerance to the wrong treatment of us and perhaps is pride and if I was ever successful in my career is because I studied and worked so hard, but the point which I wanted to say is that I started to develop panic attacks, strange visions of seeing my self from a third person point of view, and slight depression. So I started to get meds however in Japan there is no therapy is rather take your meds and see you next week. Point in view I got addicted to benzos
And in it he midst of these my wife started to ask me for me to leave because I was a wrong image and at the same time my father was dying from cancer so I said I would go back to my country and leave which extended for a year, and then came back home to see my kids so they feel I have not abandoned them. So now my father my best friend is now in heaven god bless him, and I’m unable to see my children after I came back and kids never see them. My mother is now with Parkinson’s and my sister suffers schizophrenia. And my country has been invaded quietly by Cubans and Colombians and call it a Socialist state when is really made people so poor. So now alone in Japan I can only support send money to my mom and family to help her and my sister, and also managing my issues, I am now alone and this forum has really helped me express my self.

Yesterday I was so close to committing a sin to my self and just cried and cried to afraid about the situation of my kids. And tried to OD but ended up sleeping and woke up. My wish to god is for a second chance for my children and if not to take care of them. And help me get stronger in a nationalist world where people my tan skin color are always subject to racist slurs and disdain. When no one knows where I come from, education and nothing about my past. I have decided to put my pride in a locked drawer and forever throw away the key and act like the poor, uneducated, lesser man that the world wants me to be.

All I will try is to forget holidays exist.

Thank you for those who read-listen to these words.

Keep fighting

EO

I am sorry that you are struggling right now! I am happy that you are still here with us. We are here for you!

Than you so much my <b> dear dear friends </b> I will try to do my best to get invited to your meeting.

Ach. I missed this when you first posted it, Captaineo. It explains much. You are dealing with multiple, severe stressors, any one of which would be enough to cripple a person psychically. And yet you hold on. Respect!

Any body Out there PDoc online