I’m afraid to drive because of my depression and depersonalization

My parents have been trying to teach me how to drive recently and deep down I want to be able to drive but it’s so difficult for me. I depersonalize while I drive and if sucks because it freaks me out. Normally I’m able to get it in control quickly which helps but then my depression kicks in. I don’t care about anything anymore whether it’s things or my life and I do have suicidal tendencies. So while I’m driving a small part of me will want to run the red light or not stop at a stop sign . Or sometimes my ability to process signs or lights is shut of and I don’t process it I just depersonalize and go on autopilot. I’m scared because a part of me doesn’t want to get in an accident and die but most of me simply doesn’t care and slightly wants it to happen. So it’s a constant battle and it raises my anxiety. I don’t want to talk about it with my parents because I’ve tried to bring it up but they wave it off and say there is no reason for me to be depressed in life. I also don’t want to get sent to a mental hospital. Right now I’m so confused and scared and I just want it to stop before I go back to my self harm remedies to cope. I just need some advice and help and I don’t know who to turn to.

Hello Vitanoctis: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

You mentioned your parents denying your depression concerns. One additional forum, here on PC, you might take a look at would be the Childhood Emotional Neglect forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/child...ional-neglect/

And then here are links to 8 articles, from Psych Central's archives. The first 3 are on depression. The next 2 are on depersonalization. Then there's a link to an article that offers a general description of childhood emotional neglect. The last 2 links are to articles that offer suggestions for surviving suicidal thoughts & talk about how they can become a coping mechanism:

Depression: Symptoms, Types & Treatments | Psych Central

Living with Depression: A Guide for Coping with Depressive Feelings | Psych Central

The Biggest Lesson I've Learned in Managing My Depression

6 Warning Signs You Suffer From Depersonalization Disorder

https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-simp...rsonalization/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/childh...he-fatal-flaw/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...idal-thoughts/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...ing-mechanism/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.