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Old 11-29-2019, 09:14 PM   #1
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Question Cliches...grrrrrr

What do you think of this cliché? The parental units almost never spoke to me UNLESS in clichés

''if you can't beat them, join them''

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Old 11-30-2019, 04:02 AM   #2
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Default Re: Cliches...grrrrrr

Grrrrrrrr... Yes cliches, my MU had loads. I feel for you having words used as weapons against you

If you can't beat them, join them?
Would I want to beat them? I am happy being equal to another person....
The phase is used when I am sure I would not want to join them....
I would be happy if they wanted to be equal also.....

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Old 11-30-2019, 10:55 AM   #3
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Default Re: Cliches...grrrrrr

I don't like that saying, except perhaps in a joking context. It is essentially saying you should go with the crowd and I completely disagree. The world is beautiful because we are all different and especially because people go against the grain. Every great invention came from a mind that was once considered mad.
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Old 11-30-2019, 07:02 PM   #4
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Default Re: Cliches...grrrrrr

My father loved sayings... many of them derogatory. He didn't necessarily direct them at me (or anyone else) directly. But you pretty-much always got the idea he had you in mind. Here's just one "great" example (I don't know where he got this from):

"If you were as low in stature as you are in character, you could walk under a snake's belly with a stove-pipe hat on!"
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Old 12-02-2019, 08:14 PM   #5
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Default Re: Cliches...grrrrrr

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Old 12-02-2019, 10:26 PM   #6
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Default Re: Cliches...grrrrrr

Its so defeatist. Its so, shut up, stop being you and stop bothering me with your stupid problems. Can you tell ive heard it before in the given context?
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Old 12-03-2019, 02:05 PM   #7
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Default Re: Cliches...grrrrrr

My mentor tried to teach me a great phrase to neutralize situations with my verbally abusive, gaslighting , tho highly successful 43 yr old son who controls access to my grandkids despite the fact that I was an elem teacher.
I try to appreciate the humor in this, but you have to say it with a straight face,
“Thank you for your input” LOL. lOL. See, you can throw the cliches right back at them!!!!
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Old 12-03-2019, 03:09 PM   #8
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Default Re: Cliches...grrrrrr

I was told that, too.

What first comes to mind is that it might have been suggested to me when I was bullied and not accepted with the popular girls in elementary school.

I didn’t take it as a negative thing, and thought it was said with good intentions. I think it is meant to encourage you to be manipulative. Like “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. If they didn’t like me, maybe I could get them to by becoming their follower and win them over.

It didn’t work, though. Those girls just didn’t like me and continued to bully.
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Old 12-03-2019, 05:12 PM   #9
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Default Re: Cliches...grrrrrr

I understand what you’re saying but she suggested that phrase as one to avoid further exacerbating the situation, like not waving a red cape in front of a bullWow, it’s SO hard to strike the right balance for oneself in complicated situations like hosting a holiday dinner with multi generations that have a really touchy history. I keep things as simple as I can, but things seem to get more challenging as we get older and I want to interact with my grandkids but am at a loss as how to deal w my overextended grumpy son who is uber controlling. I talked to a online therapist s office about taking us but I am in one state and he lives in another. Therapy would be a big deal and I already have my hands full in my own life. It’s the dilemma of where to draw your boundaries- always complicated.
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Old 12-03-2019, 05:29 PM   #10
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Default Re: Cliches...grrrrrr

I think ''thank you for your input'' can be a fitting response to a mean or deliberately useless statement. It gives zero emotional response which is what a bully wants.. they feed on emotion.

I think Tishabuv was replying re the cliché a parental unit had said to me (one of many... most of the others were more negative...)
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